The Incident of Photo Fraud and Adding Insult to Injury

I had arranged to go out for drinks with a beautiful woman I had become close with on a matching app.
I had work both that day and the next.

It seemed she had the day off both that day and the next,
so she agreed to meet me at the station nearest to my house.
We were to meet in front of the station ticket gate.

On my way there after finishing work on time,
I messaged her to confirm what she was wearing.
"What kind of clothes are you wearing today?"
"I'm wearing a white knit sweater and a black skirt!"
I see, that should be easy to spot even in a crowd.

When I arrived at the station, amidst the bustling crowd,

I spotted a woman in a white knit sweater and black skirt in the distance.
I hurried over to her side.

The distance between us was now about 50 meters.
But then, my feet came to a dead stop.
Wait...? Her face is different from the app photo...?

I know that Reiwa-era editing technology is amazing.

I use it myself when I take photos.
But this wasn't a level that could be explained by RIZAP before-and-afters
or saying, "Yeah, I can see the resemblance."
It was as if she were a completely different person.
To use an analogy,
it was as different as ordering a cake set at a cafe

and being served a dirty potato.
If she were just different, that would be one thing, but
she had a face that looked like Iwao from the comedy duo Foot,

but with semi-long hair... a face with character... yes, a lot of character.
Thinking it was a case of mistaken identity, I looked around,
but she was the only one in a white knit sweater and black skirt.

No matter how many times I compared the app photo to the real her,
it was still cake versus potato.
And her body type was different too...
Oh, excuse me, it's not that it was different.

The photo only showed her from the chest up,

so it was just that her actual body type was different
from the one I had imagined.
But her width was definitely larger
than the width of the two-person table at the izakaya.
I don't have looks I can brag about to others either,
and I believe that a person's inner self is very, very important.

But for now, let me put that aside...
"I get to drink with someone beautiful who I can talk to! I'm so excited!"

To be so excited to meet someone and then find out it's actually Iwao

is like having your ears ring from the sudden drop in altitude.
Like when you work hard on calorie restriction for a week
only to find the ramen shop you chose is a dud,

or when you wear a brand-new white shirt to go out for drinks
and soy sauce splashes on it, leaving a stain,
your lighthearted mood just sinks.
What should I do? I want to go home...
But she came all the way to this station for me...

The angel and devil inside me struggle.
No, remember, me.
The messaging was fun, wasn't it?

Looks don't matter.
In the end, what's important is the inner self.
The angel barely won.
Taking a deep breath to change my mindset,

I started walking toward her again.

"H-hello..."
"Oh! Hello! Are you [My Name]? You look exactly like your photo!"

(You look completely different, though!)
I swallowed those words deep down in my throat
and exchanged greetings for the first time.

We headed to the izakaya we had reserved in advance.
When we opened the door and told the staff our name,
they guided us to a two-person seat in the very back.

...Yeah, her width is definitely larger than the table.
We both went to put down our bags and sit in our chairs.
At that moment, the table next to us suddenly went quiet,

and I felt like I could feel their gaze.

I glanced at the table next to us.
I only meant to take a quick look,
but my body jumped in surprise,

and I ended up staring at the faces of the customers next to us.

Because at the table next to us,
three junior female colleagues from my workplace
were drinking.

We both widened our eyes, our mouths twitching with smirks.
A few seconds of silence.
"O-oh, good work... haha"

"Oh, o-oh, good work... haha"
Yeah, I broke out in a cold sweat, alright.

Not only was I caught on a date,
but my date was semi-long-haired Iwao.

Mathematical formulas floated in my head like Galileo.
Since I struggled with Math IIB,
I couldn't come up with any significant formulas, though.

The solution I derived from my calculations
was "Don't worry about it."
I bowed to the three juniors and, with an enlightened expression,

sat in my chair and started discussing our first drink with her.
As for the three junior women,

they were very considerate people.
Perhaps they were being thoughtful.

Once she and I sat down and started talking,
they left to go to another place.
I'll treat those three juniors to a beer later as a thank you...
I decided that in my heart and turned back to her.
After we finished our toast, she started talking.

"Men are only interested in b**bs, right?"
"Men are only thinking about taking me home, right?"

I widened my eyes, doubting my ears.
My thoughts couldn't keep up,
and I could only give a strange response like "Huh?"

Because that was the very first topic after our toast.
It seemed she wanted to brag about how,
"I've been very popular with men on the app,"
"I've been told I have big breasts,"

"I've been taken home many times,"
"I'm troubled because I seem to be such an attractive woman."
W-well, you certainly seem popular...
W-well, you certainly are attractive...
Suppressing the urge to retort,
I desperately listened while wearing a smile.

It felt like it had been over two hours,
but it was probably only about 20 minutes.
Surprised by a look that could go viral for photo fraud,
struggling with the thought of going home once,

reminding myself that a good inner self is important,
and having emptied two mega-mugs while nodding along,

it seemed I had finally reached my limit.
"Actually, I've been feeling unwell since this morning,"
I lied and suggested going home.
(In reality, I'm healthy enough to do 10 shots)
After paying the bill at the restaurant,

on the way to the station together,
she started talking again.
"I have a type of man I like, you know~"

"For hairstyles, I like mash cuts better than short hair~"
(*I have a mash cut)
"For face shape, I like long faces better than round faces~"

(*I have a long face)
"For clothes, I like people who look good in big shirts~"
(*Yes, I am wearing a big shirt that day)
Rather than saying her type, she was clearly listing my features.
And then, the finishing spell.
"I'm off tomorrow, so maybe I'll just go to your place~"
I felt like the skin all over my body was turning into chicken skin.

"Don't say that, you should take care of your own body. I'm not feeling well either, so sorry, take care, bye-bye."
With a speed that could win the national fast-talking championship,

I pushed her into the ticket gate.
Once her back was out of sight,

I hurriedly contacted a friend who lived near the station.

"Sorry, can you drink now? I have a complaint I want you to hear... *sob*"