What the 'Kyō, Koi o Hajimemasu' series taught me: The one thing necessary for adult relationships.
Are you currently dealing with 'vaguely exhausting relationships' at work or at home?
You can't say what you want to say. You exhaust yourself by reading too much into the atmosphere. Yet, there are people who somehow make it work—.
The answer to that was packed into one drama series.
Why was 'Kyō, Koi o Hajimemasu' so comfortable to watch?
The Fuji TV drama series 'Kyō, Koi o Hajimemasu' (commonly known as 'Saikoi'), which began airing in 2012.
Starring Kiichi Nakai and Kyōko Koizumi. Set in Kamakura.
There are no flashy developments. No miraculous reunions. Just a story about ordinary adults who laugh normally, get hurt normally, and still keep moving forward.
And yet, for some reason, you want to keep watching it forever.
For some reason, you want to go to Kamakura again.
For some reason, you want to be by the characters' sides.
What exactly was the true nature of that 'comfort'?
After rewatching it, I realized.
The relationships in that drama all had one thing in common.
The reason people gather at the Nagakura house
The Nagakura house, where this drama is set, is a place that somehow attracts people.
The eldest son, Wahei (Kiichi Nakai), works in the tourism division of the Kamakura City Office; he is a serious, pedantic, and stubborn man. He is preachy and strict with both himself and others. He is even called an 'old lady' by his sisters.
His younger brother, Shinpei (Kenji Sakaguchi), is the manager of 'Cafe Nagakura,' which was renovated from their home. He is cheerful, lively, and a capable person who handles housework and cooking perfectly.
His younger sister, Mariko (Yuki Uchida), is extremely shy and a delicate person with eccentric fashion sense.
And Chiaki (Kyōko Koizumi), who moved in next door, is a brilliant producer who has produced a string of hit dramas in Tokyo. She is a sharp-tongued, big-sister type who has lived her life dedicated to her work.
If you think about it normally, all four of these people are 'troublesome'.
Yet, for some reason, people keep gathering at the Nagakura house. The conversation never ends. The laughter never stops.
As I watched, I began to understand the reason why.
A place where you can reveal your 'imperfect self'
Wahei keeps talking with his family while gathered around the breakfast Shinpei makes. They talk so much they almost run late every morning and leave food unfinished.
When we become adults, we tend to think we 'must be proper.' Being almost late is sloppy. Leaving food is rude.
But in the Nagakura house, that 'imperfect daily life' is loved just as it is.
Wahei is fussy and nags. Mariko is shy and stays shut away. Noriko (Naoko Iijima) spends her time at her parents' house almost every day.
No one is putting on a facade. That is why they can be there.
Chiaki moving in next door to the Nagakura house was also, at first, out of 'desperation.' After her promise to live in an old folk house with her single friends was broken, she came to Kamakura alone.
Even so, the members of the Nagakura family do not treat Chiaki as a 'pitiful person.' They just interact with her normally, as a neighbor.
That 'normal way of interacting' gradually loosens Chiaki up.
They are honest, but they do not blame.
Wahei is, if nothing else, fussy. He says exactly what he wants to say.
But after he finishes saying it, he does not corner you by saying, 'That is why you are no good.'
If he points something out, he eats a meal with you right after. If he gets angry, he talks to you normally the next morning.
I think this is the core of harmonious human relationships.
'Say what needs to be said. But do not try to destroy the other person with it.'
We tend to pile on after making a point by saying, 'That is why you are always like that.'
But that is not an act of 'conveying,' it is an act of 'winning.'
Do you want to change the other person, or do you want to hurt them?
I feel that the older we get, the fewer people there are who can make this distinction.
When you show your vulnerability, people draw closer.
Chiaki, who has lived her life dedicated to her career, harbors a touch of loneliness about being single. But she doesn't hide it and keep putting on a brave face.
She complains with her female friends and lets her true feelings slip while eating meals at the Nagakura house.
The members of the Nagakura family are the same. Wahei doesn't hide his dejection when pushed around by his subordinates, and Mariko lives exactly as her sensitive self, unable to talk to others.
The common language of "not pretending to be strong" was what connected these relationships.
What about us in reality?
When asked "Are you okay?", we answer "I'm fine." We don't want to worry others, we don't want to be seen as weak—.
That hesitation gradually creates distance in human relationships.
The characters in the Nagakura family know each other's "imperfections." That is why they can be trusted.
Showing vulnerability is not being dependent. It is an investment in a relationship.
The power to turn turmoil into laughter.
There is a scene where Mariko secretly registers Chiaki's photo on a dating site, causing a huge commotion.
Normally, this would be a major problem. It would be natural to get angry, and it wouldn't be surprising if the relationship ended.
But in the Nagakura family, that commotion somehow becomes a laughing matter for everyone.
There is an atmosphere in this place of "instead of getting angry, let's turn it into a funny story."
That doesn't mean they are brushing it off lightly. They clash properly, apologize properly, and even then, they move forward saying, "Well, it's fine."
This "power to move forward" attracts people.
People do not gather in places where past failures are dragged on forever. People return to places where they feel, "If I'm here, I feel like I can laugh again."
Three rules for harmonious relationships learned from "Second to Last Love"
To summarize, what this drama taught me is simple.
1. Don't hide your imperfect self. When you stop trying to keep up appearances, people draw closer. The place where you can show your "sloppy self" is your true home.
2. Say what you want to say. But don't corner others. Expressing yourself is love; cornering someone is a desire for control. Once you've said your piece, let's eat together.
3. Have the composure to turn turmoil into a joke. People leave places where trouble is dragged out. People return to places where things can end with a laugh.
In the end, what is necessary for human relationships is not "skill".
Communication techniques, listening skills, empathy—.
The world is overflowing with techniques to improve human relationships.
But watching "Second to Last Love," I realized something.
The Nagakura family members aren't using techniques. They are just being honest.
They felt honestly. They spoke honestly. They honestly said, "This is tough."
That "honesty" was what drew people in.
When you become an adult, you become afraid of getting hurt. You become afraid of being disliked. So, you start to put a lid on your true feelings.
But as long as you keep that lid on, a truly secure relationship will never be born.
What "Second to Last Love" taught me was something so obvious, yet something everyone tends to forget.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. But you can build an honest one.
Just like that Nagakura family in Kamakura.
Thank you for reading until the end. If you thought, "Exactly!", I would be happy if you could leave a like or a comment. Your thoughts give me the strength to write the next article.