Three places I started checking to avoid repeating the experience of 'someone different from the photo showed up.'

The other day, I received this message from a reader.

"It was someone completely different from the photo again. Is there no way to spot this before meeting?"

...That "again" made my heart ache.

The experience of "someone different from the photo showed up" is something I hear about very often in the messages I receive. And almost everyone adds the same comment: "Is it that I don't have a good eye for people?"

That's not it. It's not a matter of having a good eye; you just didn't know the "places to look" yet.

Today, I'm going to talk about those places.

"Photos that look flattering" and "photos that make you look like a different person" are different

First, let me clarify one thing.

Everyone has the desire to make their photos look at least a little bit better. We also choose the one photo where we look our best, don't we?

So, being "flattering" in itself is not a lie.

This is where I draw the line.

Whether or not you can tell it's them the moment you meet.

If you can tell, it's just flattering. If you can't, it's a lie.

Conversely, people who post photos that look like them in real life are thinking about what happens after you meet from the very beginning. At that point, you can already see a bit of their integrity.

And for the 'lie' photos—surprisingly, there were commonalities in how they were chosen.

Three places I started checking before meeting someone

This isn't about what you 'should' do, but rather the places I naturally started looking after having some painful experiences.

The first is the 'number and angle' of the photos.

There are only one or two photos. And they are all of the same upper-body angle. ...It's too consistent to be a coincidence. I see it as the same sign when there are only group photos or long-distance shots, and not a single one where the face is clearly visible.

The second is the 'time' of the photos.

Do the clothes, hairstyle, or the city scenery in the background feel like they belong to a few years ago? The profile text might talk about the 'now,' but the photos seem frozen in time—that temperature gap was the biggest clue.

The third thing is the 'mention of a video call' before meeting.

'Would you like to have a quick five-minute call before we meet?'—people who easily agree to this suggestion almost always look exactly like their photos in person. Those who keep making excuses to decline... were often the opposite.

The way you phrase it can be casual. 'I'm a bit shy, so I'd feel more at ease if I could hear your voice for a moment before we meet'—that is enough.

None of these three things are places to 'doubt' the profile.

They are places to 'find an honest person.'

Even if it's still different, it's not your fault.

To be honest, even if you check these three things, you can't prevent it 100%.

But I want you to remember this.

When someone who looks different from their photos shows up, the one who made the mistake isn't 'you for failing to see through it,' but 'the other person for choosing to lie.'

So, if there is a next time—you don't have to force yourself to pretend you're having fun, nor do you have to promise a second date.

Save your time for people who are honest.

When someone looks different from their photo, it's okay not to blame yourself for being disappointed or think you're 'judging by appearances'.

Choosing someone who is honest from the start is not being selfish.

There are actually patterns to the gap between photos and reality. I've summarized in detail on my blog how to notice these things before you meet.
👉 https://sincere-dating.jp/articles/profile-photo-reality-gap?utm_source=note&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=note4