Happy Writing Marathon #56 'What is something you want to share, even if it takes a little courage?'

I am participating in Ken Honda's Happy Writing Marathon. The topic this time is, 'What is something you want to share, even if it takes a little courage?'

Something I want to share, even if it takes a little courage.
I realized that meant revealing my true feelings here.
As I wrote this, tears started flowing and I couldn't stop. I wrote down things I hadn't directly told my son, almost like a last will and testament.

To my dear, dear son,

If the day comes when Mom returns to heaven first,

I want to leave here what I would want to tell you then.

First, just one thing.

Thank you so much for being born to me.

Even as a baby, you were a very easy child to raise.

You didn't cry much, you rarely had night terrors, and you were truly no trouble at all.

Perhaps that meant I didn't need to hold you.

But you know, Mom held you all the time.

In our day, people said, 'You shouldn't hold them too much or they'll get clingy,' but that didn't matter to me.

You were just so precious.

I just wanted to be by your side.

The time I spent holding you was pure happiness.

—

Mom was never a perfect mother.

In fact, I think I was a rather inadequate mother.

Even so, thank you for always loving me.

Even when I was suffering from illness, you were always cheerful and showed me your innocent smile.

That smile saved me time and time again.

—

Mom got sick and underwent radiation therapy.

At that time, the doctor told me,

'It would be better not to have any more children.'

So, I always felt sorry that I made you an only child.

I am truly sorry.

But perhaps that worry was unnecessary.

You grew up surrounded by many friends and loved by many people.

I worried during your rebellious phase, too.

But every teacher in every grade cared about you and was fond of you.

Watching that, I truly thought,

'This child must have done many good deeds in a past life.'

—

Actually, you know,

Mom respected you.

They say children are a mirror of their parents, and I think they are also their parents' teachers.

There was so much I learned from you.

Even after you became an adult,

you would ask me, 'Mom, what do you think about this?'

or ask me to be your practice partner for sales calls.

Honestly, I was a little embarrassed, but I was so happy during those times.

—

And above all,

seeing you get married, meet such a wonderful wife, and build a happy home.

Mom was truly happy.

Every time I see you achieving results at work and growing into a fine man,

I am surprised and proud, thinking,

'I can't believe you've become so impressive.'

—

Your wife is also truly kind,

giving me presents on my birthday,

and inviting me out to eat.

She gives me many luxuries that I couldn't provide for you.

So sometimes,

I feel a bit guilty.

But more than that, I am happy.

—

And,

Mom is now looking forward to a new life coming to you both.

Before,

you once said to me, 'I'll let you see your grandchild, Mom.'

I was so happy to hear those words.

And now, you have been blessed with a baby.

I am truly happy. Thank you.

—

Having my family be happy.

That is the greatest reward for me.

And there is one last thing I want to tell you.

Mom has had many experiences in her life.

There were happy times and painful times.

I experienced illness, too.

I took many detours.

But you know,

when I look back, I think this:

That you were born as my child.

That was the greatest treasure of my life.

And I am sure,

it was the greatest success of my life.

Thank you so much.

I love you.

#HappyWritingMarathon #KenHonda