The answer I arrived at after reading countless self-help books and failing to stick with any of them
I love self-help books.
Sometimes they solve my problems, and sometimes they give me new discoveries.
When I go to a bookstore, my feet naturally head toward that section, and I am subscribed to both Kindle Unlimited and Audible.
Immediately after reading, I am overflowing with motivation.
I genuinely think, 'Alright, I'm going to change starting tomorrow!'
But after a week or two, I find I haven't been able to implement most of the book's content, and I've forgotten it.
I have been repeating this cycle for years.
This article is about the answer I finally arrived at after struggling with being a person who loves self-help books but 'cannot change.'
This is content I want people who feel that 'even if I read books, I don't end up changing' to read.
Things I have tried so far
I will look back on the books and methods I have read so far that I actually thought, 'Let's try this.'
1. The Courage to Be Disliked
This book, based on Adlerian psychology, was shocking.
'Do not make other people's tasks your own'
'Discard the desire for approval'
Immediately after reading it, I felt like I had become someone who didn't care about what others thought.
But, before I knew it, I was back to being the person at work who was constantly gauging the reactions of those around me.
I have always been someone who is very vulnerable to being disliked or targeted with hostility by others. It took time to change from the roots.
2. Issue Driven
I was impressed by the teaching to 'identify the problem that needs to be solved.'
I can reduce wasteful work
I can focus on things that are truly valuable
I was completely convinced by the way of thinking.
However, in my daily work, I am chased by the tasks right in front of me, and I don't have the breathing room to stop and ask, 'Is this even an issue in the first place?'
In the end, I would just return to a daily routine of simply completing the tasks that rained down on me every day.
3. "Atomic Habits"
Since this is a very famous book in the self-help community, I think many people know it.
After reading this book, I was able to start habits small and incorporate slight improvements into my daily routine.
However, the "identity-based habits" that center on "what kind of person do I want to be" were difficult. Even if I tried to convince myself at first that "I am a person who exercises every day," as the days went by, I would be pulled back to my old self.
Why is it that no matter how many books I read, I can't keep it up?
I realized something here.
It's not that the books are bad.
Every book had wonderful content.
The problem is thatknow-how only helps you up to the point of 'knowing'it.
1. The gap between 'knowing' and 'continuing'
If you read a book, you gain knowledge.
But knowledge alone does not change behavior.
As the saying goes about being a 'three-day monk,' even when people start a new behavior, they are built torevert to their old ways if there is no system in place.
2. Motivation has an expiration date
That feeling of 'I'm going to do it!' right after finishing a book.
That has an expiration date.
Usually about one to two weeks. Sometimes I even forget it after sleeping and waking up.
When that heat cools down, there is nothing to support my actions.
That is why I get reset every time.
3. There is no mechanism for reflection
Even when I read a book and start taking action,
what went well
what did not go well
I never have a moment to reflect on these.
As a result, I repeat the same mistakes.
This was the true nature of 'reading many books but never changing'.
The answer I arrived at: Create a 'system' beyond just 'knowing'
After scouring through dozens of self-help books, one day it suddenly hit me.
Is there even one thing from all the books I've read that I've actually kept up with?
I felt like my knowledge and mindset had grown, but I wasn't putting them into practice.
That was when I finally realized: what I was missing wasn't knowledge, but the creation of a system.
Operate by system, not by motivation.
Whether you have the motivation or not, if you have a system, you can move forward.
1. I created my own 'reflection system'
What I did was create a system to record and reflect on my daily actions.
It's nothing extravagant.
Record what you did today
Reflect once a week
If it doesn't go well, change your approach
Run the PDCA cycle on a small scale, every day.
That is all.
2. I didn't rely on tools, I built it myself
I also tried existing habit tracker apps.
However, there were parts that didn't fit my life, or they had too many features, so I couldn't keep them up.
That's why I decided to create my own reflection system that fits my life.
In fact, from this experience, I created a habit dashboard for running the PDCA cycle.
I have written about the detailed background in this article.
3. Don't aim for perfection
When creating a system, the important thing is not to aim for perfection.
It's okay to have days where you forget to record.
It's okay to have weeks where you don't achieve your goals.
It's okay to change your method along the way.
Make continuing the only goal.
This is the answer I finally arrived at after reading many books and failing to stick with them.
Summary: Take a 'step' after closing the book
You don't need to change everything.
Start with just one thing.
Try writing down just one line about what you did today.
Try reflecting for just 5 minutes on the weekend by asking, 'How was this week?'
If it doesn't stick, try changing your method.
Try being conscious of the 'Know -> Do -> Reflect' cycle.
Self-help books are the best tools for "knowing." There is no doubt that they are the ultimate form of self-investment.
However, you have to create your own system for "continuing."
I am still on that journey myself.
Let's keep working at it steadily together.
That is all from Kotsukotsu Panda.
See you in the next article.