Not just interpreting dreams, but using dreams as material to understand myself

Recently, when I have a dream, I try to write it down as soon as I wake up in the morning.
I only remember fragments, though...
And then I dig into it with ChatGPT.

In the midst of that, I suddenly realized something.
I feel like all my dreams up until now are connected, somehow.

When I asked about this, it seems that is indeed the case.
It seems the same theme runs through my dreams.

A dream where someone's family member passed away and I couldn't stop crying.
A dream where I realized inside the dream that I should wake up because I couldn't stop crying.
A dream where a girl who was my classmate in the past appeared, and I felt, 'Maybe there was another life.'

They seem scattered at first glance, but the common thread is a flow of looking at my past self, lost possibilities, and precious things, and then returning to my current self.

Before, I wasn't good at answering the question, 'So, what do you want to do?'
Because I had lived my whole life with the mindset of, 'No, no, family comes first, so I'm fine.'
Family, work, others, people around me, and then myself, that was the order.

Now, it's the opposite; the subject has returned to 'I,' as in 'What do I want to do?', 'How do I want to spend my time?', and 'What do I want to cherish?'
I am surprised by this myself.
It's a 180-degree turn.

For example, today's dream.
A girl who was my classmate appeared, and I was chatting with her while thinking, 'If I had ended up with this person, maybe it would have been a different life.'
But then I realized, 'Well, we're both married now, so there's nothing I can do,' and I felt lonely.

This is likely not because I am denying my past timeline or trying to return to it, but because deep down I think, 'That might have been one life, but I am here now.'

And it means that instead of being completely swallowed by the events in the dream, I am developing a perspective where I can step back and observe what I am feeling.

How have I lived my life up until now?
And how do I want to live from now on?

That is the underlying theme, and isn't that what it means toreconstruct one's life?

Also, I felt that rather than dreams telling me the answer, they seem to show me things I haven't been able to put into words yet.

When I'm awake, I organize things by thinking, 'It's better to think this way' or 'This means that.'
But it seems the power to organize loosens a bit while I'm asleep.
That's why memories, emotions, and recent events seem to be reassembled in the form of dreams.

I think I am moving in the direction of reconstructing my life, including the past, rather than redoing the past.I often dream of other timelines, and I wonder if that is also part of this flow.

And in the past, there are countless 'what ifs.'
But in the future, there are still countless 'what's nexts.'

That timeline might have existed.
This timeline might have existed.
But I can still create my own timeline from here on.

In the time flowing from the future, I will choose the script I want to become.

Isn't that also what it means tonot just interpret dreams, but use dreams as material to understand myself?

Let's return to today's dream.

One interpretation is that I was shown a different timeline from the past.
Another interpretation is that it showed me possibilities within myself—that although I didn't choose them, such scripts were also possible.

I understand the feeling of getting caught up in past scripts, thinking, 'What if I had married that person?' and feeling depressed.
Then falling into self-loathing, thinking, 'Ah, time will never come back,' and feeling even more down.
I used to be like that.

But now, I have become able to turn my consciousness toward the future, asking, 'So, what kind of script do I want to choose from here on?'
That meansfirmly accepting the time that flows from the futureto the present.

Instead of regretting what happened by asking, 'Why did it turn out like this?' or 'If only I had made a different choice back then,' I first understand the structure.
I peel away the unnecessary things.
I choose the future I desire by asking, 'What do I want to do?'

Isn't this also a way of reconstructing life, rather than redoing it?

Choosing a script isn't about forcibly deciding on a future you want to become or forcing yourself into a mold, is it?

Rather than saying, 'I will be like this in X years!', it's more about
I want to live with this kind of feeling.
I want to interact with these kinds of people.
I want to use my time in this way.
I want to be useful to others in this way.

choosing what kind of world I want to live in—isn't that what it is?

I think that at the core, there is a desire to be at peace, to be myself, to do what I love, and to be useful to others.

I see a different timeline in my dreams, and in the waking world, I choose my own timeline.

Not the 'what ifs' of the past, but which script will I choose for my future?

I feel that this leads to savoring my own life.