Before saying "no" to your child ~ Things I want you to know ~ Start the conversation with "I" ~ It will surely reach your children 🍌

🍌 We end up saying "no" before we know it, don't we?

While walking down the street

a mother to her young son

in a loud voice

"No!"

she was saying.

After that,
while walking,
she seemed to be angry the whole time.

Perhaps he was about to
do something dangerous,
maybe.

I don't know why,
but when you become a parent, "no" just
slips out of your mouth, doesn't it? 💧

🍌 Because it starts with "negation"

My parents,
whenever we talked,
would repeat "negation" over and over 💦

It was almost like a reflex ⁉️

is what I used to think.

I just wanted them to listen to me,
but... 😓

Every time that happened,
the child version of me
would get so fed up 💧

That is why

If I were raising children

I would keep "negation" to a minimum!

I decided that 🤗

🍌 What are you "negating"?

As a parent
there are times when you think
that you must warn them
or that you must make them stop, right?

So that children don't struggle
so they aren't in danger
so they don't have painful experiences

Because you love

your children ✨

Unfortunately, that love

is quite hard to convey 😫

Why do you think that is?

Parents intend to
"negate"
their actions, such as what they say or do

But

Children think that
they themselves are being
"denied"😥

There is agapthere 💧

🍌 Anything is fine

Any words are fine

Why not start your response

to your children

with something that isn't a "denial"?

It doesn't mean
saying "YES!" to everything.

After all, you can't
just "affirm"
everything easily.

First of all,

don't start with "no"

Listen to what your children have to say
without "denial" ✨

Just that.

This is surprisingly
difficult sometimes 😆

When responding
if you feel it's hard
to say "yes"

"I see..."

"That makes sense..."

"Is that so..."

like that

it might seem a bit vague

but

how about using words

that are not "negative"?

🍌 Because there are things I want to convey

Children have
so many things
they don't know yet...

Especially when they are small.

As a parent

I want to stop that

I want to caution them about that

there are many such things
that happen every day.

At times like that
if you raise your voice and say "No!" right away
without listening

I got scolded!

becomes the main memory

why they were scolded

they might not

understand at all 💦

What is important

is not the fact that they were scolded

but rather

the content of it...

If there is no urgency

"Let me talk to you later..."

"Mommy has a request"

"I have something I want to discuss with you"

In this way

to have a talk

prepare yourself🤗

When you start from there

it becomes very calm 🎵

🍌 When you talk

make eye contact 👀

You can sit on a chair or sofa,
or you can crouch down,
I want to talk while making eye contact 👀

When you want to convey

something that is hard to "affirm"

"Mom is..."

"Dad is..."

"I am..."

start with that.

The subject being the parent's "self"

is

very important! ✨

This

When the subject becomes "the child"

"You are..."
"You (name) are..."
"That idea is..."

What follows that might be...

a parent's "demand"
or
it might be a "denial"

Children will also brace themselves😩

If

the subject is "I," the parent

...I think that"
...I am thinking that"
...I think it would be better if"

like that
you might arrive at those words😆

If they are positive words

children
will find it easier to accept
their parent's thoughts and feelings

👐✨

By doing so,
you can stand on the same ground,
and mutual understanding
becomes very smooth 🎵

As a parent,
"I can certainly understand that,"
you can empathize,

"What Mom is worried about is..."
"is this kind of thing, right?"
and the child can also understand the parent's feelings 🤗

For building a relationship of trust,

it is highly recommended 🎵

Not just when they are small,
but also when they grow up, like during adolescence,
I made this an important point ✨

I would be happy if you could
keep this somewhere in your heart 🌈

Madame and🌈 's profile is 👉 here ✨

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