No matter how much I was praised, I never felt satisfied. The feeling of 'more, more' never went away.
'I'm really not that good.'
While saying that, have you ever wanted someone to say,
'That's not true at all'?
Even though you are working hard,
you feel unfulfilled somewhere.
Even when you are praised or recognized,
for some reason, you always feel anxious.
Until a little while ago, that was exactly how I felt.
I have been a TV director for over 20 years.
'It was easy to talk to you.'
'I'm glad I was interviewed by you, Machiko!'
I would sometimes receive words like those.
I was happy!
Incredibly happy!!
Of course, I was grateful and
I accepted them properly.
But afterwards, in my heart, I would
'No, no, I'm not that good.'
and dismiss them.
I was always comparing myself to someone better,
I have to work harder.
I have to produce more results.
I have to be evaluated more.
'I should be capable of more than this.'
In that way,
I think I was always pushing myself.
Entering my 40s, I thought about my future and
began to face myself.
And then, through receiving coaching and
engaging in repeated dialogues, I realized it.
It wasn't that I was suffering because I wasn't recognized by 'someone'.
'I' was not recognizing myself.
So, no matter how much I was praised.
No matter how much work I received.
No matter how much I achieved.
The hole in my heart would not be filled.
A parade of 'more, more'.
I understand now.
I was harder on myself,
the person closest to me, than anyone else.
I focused more on what I couldn't do than what I could.
More on what was lacking than on what I was praised for.
I was only looking at things like that, wasn't I?
It was the ultimate in Spartan discipline.
Just like a stubborn old man from the Showa era.
Maximum strictness! Haha.
'I won't acknowledge you unless you become someone other than yourself!'
...
Of course that was painful.
'Please acknowledge me!'
'No, I won't!'
A classic case of going back and forth. Haha.
Perhaps,
you, who are reading this article,
'I'm just...'
find yourself saying that too, don't you?
That isn't humility, but perhaps
a mental habit of seeing yourself as small
and being unable to acknowledge yourself.
It might be that.
Of course,
even now, there are times when I compare myself to others.
'That person is amazing.'
'I'm just...'
There are days when I think that.
But,because I have engaged in dialogue
and faced myself,
even when I compare,
I no longer lower my own value.
'That person is amazing' and
'therefore I am no good'
are completely different things.
...Wow, that's a great realization, if I do say so myself.
I'm amazing!
I'm really evolving!!
...And now, like this,
I praise myself more often.
I praise myself for something every day, haha.
I see similar situations
in my dialogues with clients as well.
'I thought I had nothing.'
'I'm completely useless, I haven't achieved anything...'
When people who said things like that
look back on their lives with me,
'I really have worked hard, haven't I...'
'I never realized this was my strength...'
they are sometimes surprised.
You cannot change the past. However,
you can change the meaning you give to the past,
and the way you view yourself.
And when the way you view yourself changes,
your future choices will also change little by little.
That is why I think
rather than saying 'Let's love ourselves more,'
it is
first, to truly get to know yourself.
And to accept yourself completely.
I believe that starting from there
is what's important.
****************************************
If 'I'm just...' has become your catchphrase lately,
why not start by listening to the voice of your heart?
On my official LINE account,
🎁 A personality type diagnosis to find out the truth behind 'Am I okay as I am?'
🎁 3 dialogue exercises to loosen your limiting beliefs
are available for free 💐
I would be happy if this could be a trigger
for you to notice ways of thinking you took for granted,
or the true feelings hidden deep in your heart 🌻
I am also in the middle of evolving!
From a life of self-denial,
to a life where you trust yourself and can choose 'this is what I want.'
Won't you move forward with me?
▼ Click here for the official LINE and special benefits ✨
Dialogue Director 🌻 Machiko