Can I Not Defeat the Advancing Waves of Age? 《Daily Diary 41》

The image is unrelated to the title; it is a plum blossom at a certain place on the morning after the day of the snow forecast the other day. The contrast between the full-blooming red plum blossoms and the snow was so beautiful that it cleansed my soul. I also learned that it really did snow quite a bit in some places.

Well then.

I usually spend my days moving around actively, so I am often told things like "You're so energetic!" or "You're so young!" but I am already in my late 30s, so I am not as young as people say. My days in the high school drama club were so intense that my inner self aged strangely during that time (see yesterday's 《Daily Diary 40》), so I think people around me just assume I am younger than I actually am based on what I do and say. In reality, I get tired as easily as one would expect for my age, and it takes me as long to recover as one would expect for my age. What I mean to say is that I still haven't recovered from the fatigue of the "Kids' Sports Day" the day before yesterday. It is pathetic that I still feel sluggish even after two days. I haven't even been able to write the event report for the circle's Facebook page yet. It takes energy and physical strength just to recall it, doesn't it (lol).

Ah, so this is the situation people refer to when they say "you cannot defeat the advancing waves of age"... I feel it deeply. It is not a phrase used only by the elderly; when a gap arises between the "image of how much I can handle" and "the actual state of myself," this phrase approaches with tremendous persuasive power.

"Advancing waves of age" is actually quite an elegant expression when you think about it. The "waves of age" that approach like ocean waves, from which you cannot escape and are swallowed by. The image of being hit by a splash, getting soaked, falling face-down on the sandy beach, and being knocked out, thinking "I've been had—I can't win—I can't defeat the advancing waves of age," and being unable to move for a while. I am in exactly that situation right now. The feeling of "this wasn't supposed to happen" is immense. Many things are not progressing.

Well, there is no point in complaining, so I stayed home all day today and slowly worked on the paper due at the end of February. It is not progressing because I am tired. Even so, "sitting and doing desk work quietly" feels physically energy-efficient, and I feel like it actually promoted fatigue recovery more than just lying down.

Overcoming the battle with the "advancing waves of age" by "sitting and doing desk work quietly." Yeah. I feel like that is a valid way to fight. And while the waves are receding, I will downwardly revise my own "limit value" and acquire a moderate level of effort, thinking, "Well, I'm not young anymore, so I won't push myself." By doing so, I might be able to face the next "advancing waves of age" without being too afraid.

Perhaps the second half of life is just a repetition of that. I feel that the resolve to face oneself is important.