Things Above Daily Life
Although I didn't feel depressed at all today, my body was completely shut down. Even though I felt tired yesterday evening, I still did my chores and studied, which probably wasn't a good idea. I should have just gone to bed early. As a result, I took the day off work today and spent the time until the afternoon looking at the X recommendation feed, which I didn't need to see.
I went back to my following timeline and read an essay that popped up about Haru to Hikouki's Tokyo.
Gunpi's
"For someone like me who hasn't been in many relationships and doesn't have many friends, I had the feeling that such culture influenced my life itself. Culture existed above daily life. I am living my life in order to enjoy content."
Reading that sentence, I thought, 'Ah, I'm the same way.' Culture is the color, or perhaps the salvation, of my life.
Even during the acute phase of my depression, when I spent almost all my time in bed, there were moments when my feelings were stirred just a little through culture. I have a special attachment to 'Omameda Towako and Her Three Ex-husbands' and the song 'ghost' by Odore Bakari no Kuni. Even when the world looked colorless, I felt a sense of being alive when I was enjoying these two things. I was excited by the story of the cute characters, starting with Towako Omameda played by Takako Matsu, and I felt that the lyrics of 'ghost'—'Take me over, take me over, I don't need a body'—were exactly the same as my own feelings, which were filled with suicidal ideation.
In an instant, Gunpi's essay made me remember all of that, and I was able to crawl out of bed somehow. Thinking that I wanted to explore things I find interesting again suddenly gave me hope for my daily life. Thank you, Gunpi.
Even now, I have remnants of depression, and I'm not sure if I'm in remission or not. Furthermore, I'm studying for a certification exam, so I don't have much free time, and my passion for consuming content has dropped significantly compared to the past. Besides, despite saying such grand things, I'm not knowledgeable enough to be called a fanatic; I don't go beyond the realm of a casual fan.
Even so, listening to music, watching movies and comedy, and reading books at my own pace remains the sustenance of my life. Every time I encounter a work that stirs my emotions, I feel that this world is not yet a lost cause. I think I will continue to live with culture as my lifeline from here on out.