My Challenge with Becoming Emotional

As with yesterday's post, perhaps I am prone to harboring emotions. Especially when it comes to things that happen at work, the other person is definitely an adult, a regular working professional. Even if I think something, it wouldn't be strange for the other person to have their own thoughts as well. It's a matter of whether or not to express that directly through attitude or words. If you are going to express it, there is an appropriate way to do so. Whether it's the timing, how you convey it, or your facial expression. I feel like I've just now, belatedly, realized that.

It's not just about what happened yesterday; I realized that for some reason, I get too emotional for my own convenience. Personally, I don't like blaming others, so if something happens, I get anxious inside or find myself driven by questions like 'Why?'. I reflected on myself and realized that all of that surely boils up as my own emotions, and I am the type who wants to lead to a resolution by communicating them directly.

This morning, when I contacted sales at my company. Even though there were instructions from the company and the procedure documents should have been ready, I was troubled by the current situation where things weren't proceeding as planned. I had received instructions several times over the past few days and realized the necessity. However, I still checked because of the fine differences in understanding. My exchanges with sales went back and forth several times.
Misunderstandings easily arise when communication is mainly through electronic tools. I called them directly to confirm the differences in understanding and the fine details of the procedure. Perhaps the timing was just right, but the sales representative handled it politely. It seems the root cause was a delay in the sales representative's initial outreach, and they actually apologized to me. For my part, I couldn't deny my own lack of understanding, and I was humbled by how politely they taught me even in such a situation.
From that interaction with the sales representative, I thought, If I were in their shoes, I would probably be annoyed. It seems that for the sales representative, it's not common to have someone in a position like mine confirm things directly when there are documents available. In other words, I had the feeling that I was the only one not moving smoothly and causing trouble. I imagined that if it were me, I would have all sorts of emotions welling up. But that sales representative was polite from beginning to end. Their atmosphere is generally soft, and while they can seem a bit casual, I had never felt they were emotional until now. And through this event, I thought again that perhaps they are not the type to get emotional.

Because I was ruminating on yesterday's self even after posting to the blog, I realized something again by witnessing someone of a different type than myself. In the first place, I wrote about yesterday's event on the blog because I couldn't resolve it within myself. But that's surely because it's me. To someone who thinks it's not a matter worth getting that emotional about, no matter how much I turn it over in my mind, it's just a matter of that degree.

If you are alive, something happens every day, but I thought that most of those things are just a fragment when viewed from the perspective of decades of life. It's natural that life is made up of a accumulation of such fragments. I realized once again how small my capacity is. Most things are just for that moment, a temporary event. Even though they should be such small events, because I get extremely emotional, they easily become inflated. If I think
there's no need to get that emotional, then surely it should be a matter of that degree.

Up until now, I think I had a really strong sense that I must not make the other person feel negative emotions. In reality, it's just me assuming things on my own, and there is no guarantee that the other person is actually feeling negative.
But recently, over the last few years, perhaps because I have focused on facing my own intentions and emotions directly, I have come to think that emotions are, at the end of the day, entirely up to me. What I do while thinking of others is also, in the end, just a matter of acting on my own will. Conversely, regarding the words and actions of others, whether or not I become emotional is definitely my own issue.
The old me, if anything, used to think that the person who made me emotional was at fault. So, the reverse was also true; I genuinely believed that I was at fault for making the other person feel negative emotions.
But looking back, I realize I thought that way because I had a fixed idea that being emotional equals being negative.
Being emotional isn't just about negativity, is it? There are plenty of emotional states that lead to happiness, like crying from being moved, being happy enough to cry, or laughing and enjoying things more than ever.

I believe that everyone possesses such emotional elements. It is just a matter of whether or not you show them, and the difference in how you express them.
Besides, I thought that controlling emotions, whether negative or positive might be the greatest challenge for living a happy life.
I am someone who just gets negatively emotional due to my own convenience and selfish assumptions. I tend to show it more when I'm feeling negative.
I want to try to focus a bit more on the fact that these are just temporary events and emotions for that moment. And, to be calmer. So that I don't let my mind be swayed by poor emotions.
I want to keep this in mind as my challenge once again.