[Memorandum] A walk after several months

Hello, hello. This is another episode from the patient's side that is quite funny, perhaps? Or maybe quite heartwarming?

An episode about a walk😊 Oh, but I will skip the details of the walk itself, which I am writing about in my book before publication, here.

A little before my final discharge from the hospital after treatment for a relapse following my transplant.

If I recall correctly, I was still on 2L of oxygen, I think?

However, for the first time in a while, I was feeling good. So, I was convinced that if I didn't miss this morning window, I could go for a short walk.

For some reason, my attending physicians were visiting me unusually often that day.

When I asked attending physician A if I could go outside for a bit, I was told that while going outside the hospital grounds was not allowed, walking within the hospital was okay.

While waiting for the nurse who comes around for morning temperature checks and such, attending physician B also came to my room, which was rare, and asked how I was feeling. Although I found it a bit strange, I told them I was feeling well and got permission for the walk from physician B as well, just in case.

As I was waiting a little longer to tell the nurse who came for the temperature check that I was going for a walk before heading out, even attending physician C, who is even rarer, came to ask how I was feeling. This person is in the position called the lead supervising physician or senior physician.

I also got permission for the walk from attending physician C, who is the supervising physician, for a final confirmation while they were there.

All that was left was to tell the nurse in charge for the day that I would be leaving the ward for a bit, and then walk around the hospital as much as I liked😄

However, even though it was well past the usual time for temperature checks and such, the nurse in charge didn't appear on this particular day.

It would be more appropriate to wait.

However, if I missed this rare, short window of feeling good, I wouldn't be able to go for a walk that day💦

And I didn't know if I would feel this great again the next day or after.

If I missed this moment, I wouldn't be able to go for the walk I had been looking forward to, and I didn't know when I would be able to go outside again even after returning home in the near future.

In that case, I thought that if I left a note saying I had received permission from all three attending physicians to walk around the hospital and left it on the desk before heading out, no one would likely worry, and it wouldn't lead to any searches, problems, or incidents.

And judging that 2L of oxygen was such a small amount and I could endure it for a short time, I lightly removed it and dashed out of the ward.

I am sure that when I stepped out of my hospital room for the first time in several months, my eyes must have been shining with true vitality.

In this way, I walked as much as I could and returned to my room. Honestly, while walking, I kept thinking, 'I can go a little further 😄,' and even when it started to get difficult, I pushed my limits just a little bit more to keep exploring.

After returning home 🤣🤣🤣

No, wait, after I returned to my hospital room and put my oxygen back on, I checked the saturation monitor (oxygen) and the numbers were hovering around 90. (Usually, it's 98 on 2L), so I turned the wall oxygen up to 3L.

If I rest in bed for a while, everything will be fine. Thinking that, I was satisfied with a very fulfilling morning and fell asleep.

After that, I properly reported to the nurse in charge that I had gone for a walk and that I had received permission from the attending physicians. Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I had so much fun that I couldn't help but talk about it.

The nurse was happy for me at the time, and didn't we agree to keep it a secret?

In this way, everything was supposed to end as a perfect and refreshing day.

However, I completely forgot that I had increased the oxygen flow rate after I woke up from my nap.

I am a 99% obedient and compliant patient (at least, at the time, I was polite and followed the rules. Even now, I am polite, follow necessary and reasonable rules, and follow even unreasonable ones until permission is granted. Well, I also believe that early detection, early intervention, and prevention, even if it means breaking the rules, are not only for my QOL and life, but also reduce emergency responses and more large-scale interventions, and reduce the burden and risks for nurses, doctors, and the hospital. It's the same theory as saying 'preventing a stroke with a low-salt diet' is better than 'emergency hospitalization + medication + surgery if necessary for a cerebral infarction or cerebral hemorrhage.'

However, once in a while, really once in a while, I do something I can't turn a blind eye to.

I am originally an active, curious, free-spirited, and independent young person... so... (And, having lived in hospitals since adolescence, perhaps my mental development is partially permanently that of a child 😅)

Well, please overlook it a little (I'm already being overlooked quite a bit 😅)

At some point, a nurse who noticed the oxygen was at 3L asked me if I had increased the flow rate.

I, for my part, honestly told her, 'I got a bit tired in the second half of my walk, and my saturation was hovering around 90, which was lower than usual, so I increased the flow rate for a short time to deal with it, and then I fell asleep and forgot to lower it back down.'

After this, I was scolded for going for a walk. Hahaha, well, I think she was angrier about the fact that I didn't leave a message for the nurse, that I pushed myself even though it became difficult, and that I did something that counts as a medical procedure and kept quiet about it (because I forgot). This is also kindness...

What I was told was reasonable...

1) You can go outside the ward, but only as far as the hallway where the ward can keep an eye on you (Sigh 😞😿)

2) Before you go, even if you have to press the nurse call button, tell us verbally (Nurse call 😱)

That is what it was.

And then, they offered words of encouragement and comfort? Support? saying, "If you start to feel unwell, I'll run over to help you." (My first response was, "Can you run while carrying an oxygen tank? That's amazing! 😳" (← that's not the point 🤣), followed by some conversation, and I think I said, "Thank you.")

Thinking about it now, thanks to the fact that my temperature check was unusually later than usual before the walk, I was able to make some very, very good memories that day. So, I believe God gave me this window of time to give me a reward, hope, and the mental recharge I desperately needed. (Haha, I want to think so.)

However, I do feel that I did something very unfortunate to the nurse. No, I am truly sorry, but I had never forgotten to take my medicine even once in several months, and it just so happened that the one time I did forget was on this person's shift. That night, I felt unusually sleepy early on, and I was just about to go to sleep with the lights already out in my room. I remembered to take my medicine before bed, and although it was a little earlier than usual, I was just in the middle of tearing the PTP sheet to take the medicine. The door opened with a rattle, and they asked if I had taken my medicine while saying, "You've already turned off the lights yourself, I see 😊." Since it was right before I was going to sleep, I thought it was good timing and said, "Nice timing! 🎶💕" while feeling happy, and replied, "I'm just about to take it now." At that moment, I decided to take a different medicine first before taking the one I was about to take. (Why? My head must have already been in dreamland.) The next morning, there were some things that happened, and while I thought it was due to a change in medication, it turned out that I had forgotten to take the few pills from the sheet I had started to take the night before and had fallen asleep.

During my several months of hospitalization, the only exceptions were the increase in oxygen flow after this walk (and forgetting to turn it back down) and the one time I forgot to take my medicine, just those two things.

I am truly, sincerely sorry. Really! To think that both times happened on the same person's shift 😭 I am truly sorry! 🙏

Moreover, we talked about various things and had a good time, and they were someone I really liked because they would play with me in earnest. (Of course, I like everyone. Each person has different memories, and there are various things I like about them, feel close to, or empathize with, right? Also, I love competing in games for real! ❤)

I digressed a bit, but no, I really am truly sorry.

If I'm going to do it, I should properly erase the evidence!

No, no, that's a lie.

Let's follow the rules well while managing to vent stress appropriately in group life. (And when changing permissions, let's make sure to get the OK from everyone before acting 😉)

Let's live in the present!

Extra edition:
Immediately after I received the encouragement, I heard from the hallway:
"Doctor, please don't just give permission like that and leave it alone; please make sure to tell us about those things! We are the ones watching closest and the ones who have to deal with it!"

No, I am truly reflecting on this.

Please don't worry so much about the incident report... 🙏

I feel bad for the nurse, but I am truly grateful for the walk itself as a precious memory. I am grateful that I was able to go for a walk, and I think this was a very important mental recharge at that moment, so important that it was a treatment in itself. Although I feel bad for the nurse in charge and think it was unfortunate for them, I am truly grateful that this walk was realized. In the end, there was no negative impact on my medical condition, and nothing dangerous happened. If the result is good, is everything good? ... Shall we say, "Happily ever after"? 😅 Please 🙏 I'm really sorry 🙏