Considering consultations for divorce in your 50s.

Although I am still in the zero phase of starting my business, I have finally begun to tell my very close friends that I am "starting a business as an administrative scrivener." It is a promotion of "myself as a person." I am truly bad at saying things like this. I mentioned last time that I am not good at self-promotion, and that state is still continuing.

I am a member of the ice age generation who has entered my 50s, and when I talked about starting a business, I was approached with the topic, "I want to get a divorce, you know." They didn't seem to know what an administrative scrivener could do, but they seemed to think it was a fairly formal job.

I had been researching various things, such as reading books and looking online, regarding the creation of divorce settlement agreements.
There were also a few administrative scriveners who specialized in divorce settlement agreements. Seeing that they offer nationwide service, I suspect that this is a field of work where people sometimes intentionally seek out help from far away.

For an administrative scrivener, creating a divorce settlement agreement means drafting a document based on the content that the couple has "agreed upon". It is ultimately based on the "agreement between the couple".

However, even in my friend's case, it is clear that reaching an "agreement" is not that simple. I think everyone can guess to some extent that this is likely the case.

My friend is not like this, but I thought there might be a possibility that things could proceed in a one-sided direction, such as someone lying and saying they have "agreed" just because they want to create a divorce settlement agreement. I thought it might be risky to accept such a case, and that I would need to proceed very cautiously regarding divorce settlement agreements.

However, listening to the story, what is being sought is not that.
From the point of "I want to get a divorce...", they are more in need of answers to "What kind of things should I think about?" and "What should I do from here on?"
Actually getting a divorce or not is a decision that divides one's life.
And it might be difficult to consult with people who have built a happy relationship, and even if you do consult them, they might not give you the answer you were hoping for.

I thought the answers from here on might not be those of an administrative scrivener, but rather those of a financial planner.

Unfortunately, everything involves "money".

Child support if there are children.
Marriage expenses while living separately.
For those in middle or old age, pension division (agreed division or Category 3 division).
Division of shared property in the case of a pair loan.

Even just thinking about it roughly, these are quite heavy topics. And, "feelings of anger" are always involved, so it is not straightforward. Just reaching an agreement is a high hurdle. It is not rare for things to develop into mediation. It also becomes a long-term battle.

Also, one must look at their new life after divorce.
In addition to living expenses, money will move significantly depending on whether or not there is dependency.

When you crunch the numbers, taking into account national health insurance, national pension, resident tax, moving costs, and whether there is support from parents, the costs incurred in the first year immediately after divorce are higher than the costs of starting a business.

If you think about divorce in a planned manner, you need about a year as a preparation period, and if you are a full-time housewife, you must also consider job hunting at a company with full social insurance.

Divorce issues are common across various generations, from those in their 20s to those in middle and old age, but I will focus on my own generation, those in their 50s.

Many of us in our 50s, specifically those in our late 50s, are from the bubble era and are full-time housewives or part-time workers, while those in our early 50s are from the employment ice age and are often temporary or part-time workers.

This is a generation where many things that are taken for granted now were not yet well-established in the system. Even if you wanted to work as a dual-income couple, you couldn't get your child into daycare due to waiting lists, and there were even companies that didn't have childcare leave systems at all.

And for those who had children in their 30s, their children are now in their exam years or in university, making this the generation where educational expenses are at their highest.

And this is also the age when the husband's retirement allowance will be paid out in a few years.

Based on that background, I really feel the high hurdle of thinking about divorce.

Perhaps at the stage of consulting about wanting a divorce, they might be so overwhelmed that even if they understand it somewhat in their heads, they haven't realized the money problems to this extent. In fact, my friend feels like she wants to get away as soon as possible from the state of "it's painful to live together." It was an urgency like, "I want to submit the divorce papers quickly, I've already picked them up, I want to submit them tomorrow."

If the papers are accepted, there are times when things like shared property can become disadvantageous, right? After divorce, you have to manage entirely with your own money. If you are in your 50s, I don't think you will meet the requirements for dependency after divorce. Before asking if they have any financial leeway, such as their own secret savings, it is possible that they might act on it and say, "That's it, I'm getting a divorce." If you are living at the limit of your patience, you will end up that way emotionally.

Also, it is necessary to gauge the "seriousness" about the divorce.
Is it a state of being heated up, or is it a state that has continued for a certain period, or is it a state of having "decided" after thinking calmly for a long time?
In my friend's case, there are waves. Even if they are serious, if the child says, "I don't want you to get a divorce," they might hold back, and that is how time passes. It is not just my friend; that is how things are between couples.

As a concern for women in their 50s, I feel the "depth" of divorce worries that are not present in one's 20s or 30s.
After divorce, there are times when children leave the nest and you become on your own. There are concerns about old age, whether you have to work until you die, and there are definitely people who, even if they have children, want to live as an individual without relying on their children.

As an administrative scrivener, I felt that even just dealing with a friend's case was extremely energy-consuming. There is also the fact that I can only see one-sided aspects during hearings.
The road to being commissioned to 'draft a divorce settlement agreement' seems long, and there are lingering concerns about potential legal boundary issues. Also, since I haven't been commissioned, there is no compensation. It is harsh to say, but in terms of operational efficiency, I think there are times when it results in a loss regarding time and cost performance.

And it is also a fact that I cannot provide the bright answer that might have been expected.
I have no money, but I want a divorce
That is the 'true intention' behind the consultation.

As an aside, my parents have always had a truly terrible relationship, and they are a typical couple who 'cannot divorce because they have no money.' Despite both of them being in poor health, they hardly know each other's medical conditions. Their relationship has deteriorated even further due to caregiving issues. Even so, in reality, they have not divorced. They have overcome the limits of their patience many times to reach where they are now.

Will divorce consultations just end up becoming a free counseling service?

If I dare to write this strictly, this element might be strong.
This time, because it was a very close friend, I was able to research various things.
However, if a nameless friend with whom I have a thin relationship heard I was an administrative scrivener and brought a consultation to me, it might be difficult to treat them the same way I did my friend this time.

It is easy to say, 'Feel free to consult me about anything.'
But if I don't feel that I can actually be of help when consulted, it will be a disappointment. In the zero-phase of starting a business, I do feel like telling my few friends to 'consult me about anything,' but precisely because they are important friends, I decided to choose my words carefully.

And looking ahead, I feel that I would like to become a member of a network where I can connect people to various others when I am consulted. Regardless of the field, the hurdle to consult a professional should be high.

In the end, what can I actually do?

This is a thought that is always on my mind.
This story is from about two months ago, and no matter how much I organized the information and created a plan from the divorce consultation, I felt frustrated or sad that I couldn't do anything myself.
It is difficult.

'Accepting' the consultation

Ultimately, this is the destination. Just by accepting it, she was able to grasp at least the 'direction.' First, 'know that you have enough.'

I may still need to establish myself in this field by incorporating various experiences from here on out. It is a learning process.

Thank you for reading today as well.