Until I Became Me (7) [Me and Social Contribution]
I didn't have any favorite idols or artists.
That was because I had no interest in other people.
Was it my inherent nature?
Or was it due to the environment I grew up in?
Or was it because I was already overwhelmed with just being myself?
But one day, suddenly, a goddess appeared before me.
Bianka Panova.
The queen of rhythmic gymnastics who, at the 1987 World Rhythmic Gymnastics Championships, achieved the first-ever perfect victory with 10.0 scores in all 12 individual and apparatus performances.
I was watching this tournament on the TV in the break room of the hospital where my mother worked, and I was glued to this athlete.
*At that time, I hated being home alone with my father or by myself, so I would barge into my mother's workplace (I realize now what a troublesome girl I was).
For the first time in my life, my heart was filled with excitement and anticipation, and I was so shocked that I couldn't sit still.
In a small room with tatami mats, I used the cushions that were there and couldn't help but try to imitate Bianka Panova's movements.
What, and why?
I didn't know.
Anyway, my blood was racing, and I couldn't help but move, couldn't help but dance.
From there, the feeling of I want to do rhythmic gymnastics! welled up inside me.
This vivid desire remained in my heart, and I would often play music and dance freely as I pleased.
My apparatus was a makeshift [ribbon] made by tying nylon vinyl strings to a pair of disposable chopsticks.
I would lose myself and dance every day until time ran out.
At that time, a baseball anime where the heroine does rhythmic gymnastics was popular.
Even in my rural hometown, rhythmic gymnastics was a commonly known thing.
However, it was truly the middle of nowhere.
Rhythmic gymnastics, of course, and anything even remotely called dance, only existed in the form of ballroom dancing.
Unlike today, there was no custom, no idea, and no place to [go take lessons], so I just kept growing while harboring the burning desire to [dance].
And so, I became a middle school student while still harboring that passion.
It was here that I had a fateful encounter with the [rhythmic gymnastics club].
My middle school had a rhythmic gymnastics club, which none of the other nearby schools had.
I decided to join immediately.
Although I hated school, going to this rhythmic gymnastics club was my only joy and became my reason for going to school.
As always, I was disliked by some people, I didn't talk to others, I was gloomy, and I didn't have many friends.
Some of it even involved bullying-like behavior directed at me.
For me, school remained the place I hated most in the world, but it was also the one and only place where I could do rhythmic gymnastics.
I went to middle school solely for the sake of rhythmic gymnastics after class.
That was how I perceived it.
For the first time in my life, I found an emotional refuge other than my mother.
When I was doing rhythmic gymnastics, I was truly like a fish in water.
I was genuinely happy and could feel that I was alive.
A fellow club member once said to me, "I wish you were as cheerful as you are when you're doing rhythmic gymnastics all the time."
That is how much the me at school and the me doing rhythmic gymnastics must have seemed like different people.
I dedicated all three years to rhythmic gymnastics.
I personally feel that the roots of my [dance life], which occupies more than half of my life, are surely here.
【Only when I am dancing can I breathe】.
【Only when I am dancing can I be myself】.
【I can be my true self】.
The reason I live.
The reason I am able to stay alive.
At that time, it was all in rhythmic gymnastics.
【Dance】 gave me things that were very significant and meaningful in my life.
In return, there were, of course, things I lost as well.
Experiencing those things is a story for much later.
next time
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