When Your Mental Health Is Fraying ② [Life Mentor Edition]

Basically, I have confidence in myself. (Why so sudden, you ask?)
As I wrote in my previous article, when I have to make a choice, it's partly because I want to accept full responsibility for the results, but even before that, I have confidence in my own choices.
I know, I'm not trying to say that at this stage I'm never wrong.
In fact, I'm full of mistakes, and while I don't abandon the act of thinking, I'm the type who thinks while running, so I'm aware that if I mess up the first move, recovery is tough.
But you know yourself best, right? If this were work or something with clear criteria for judgment, it would be perfectly fine to decide while consulting with those around you, but when it comes to life choices, I follow where my heart leads. There's no way anyone else could understand that.

But what if that other person is superhuman?
Someone who can somehow understand the inner workings of other people's hearts, the future, or even people they've never met directly.
I thought they might be some fluffy spiritual type, but their business sense was sharper than anyone else's, they were promoted to manager in the shortest time in the company, and they were someone who always delivered results.
They made me realize that superhumans aren't just people who stand out in specific fields like art or sports; they exist right here in our daily lives.
Fortunately, when I was in my 20s, I was blessed with the opportunity to work under such a person.

They are an amazing person, truly. They are my life mentor.
Even though we aren't that far apart in age, they might be the only boss in my entire career so far whom I can respect without reservation.
I was so focused on getting recognized by my mentor that it became my goal, more than any promotion.
I truly trusted them when we were colleagues, and that hasn't changed even now.
We only exchange birthday or New Year's greetings, but I'm still happy that we have a connection.

Because they are that kind of person, when I was exhausted from worrying about things with 'him,' I wanted to ask for their opinion.
I think there was also a spoiled part of me that hoped they would guide me a little, just like when we were boss and subordinate. Well, even back then, that spoiled spirit was seen through in a second and I was beaten to a pulp (mentally).
This kind of thinking is typical of a period when your mental health is fraying, isn't it?
Well, I think they saw through that psychology too, but my mentor replied by telling me to ask my own heart, 'Is there love or not?'
I had even anticipated that they might just tell me to break up with him without a second thought, so it was a bit unexpected.
Or rather, if my mentor had said it in a tone of 'you should do this,' I think I probably would have followed it without thinking, so maybe I actually wanted them to do that.
I realized then that I had asked for advice with the hope that they would make things easier for me.
Even while listening to me with genuine concern, their response that 'you are the one who has to decide' made me deeply feel that they really are my mentor, and I was able to calm down a little.

Is there love?
Honestly, I didn't know. Was it love, or was it attachment?
Because of the lending and borrowing of money, our relationship had also become subtly unequal.
But I thought about it carefully, and at that time, I concluded that there was love.
In the end, right now, I only have feelings of never wanting to see his face again and not wanting to be involved with him at all, but through my mentor's words, I came to think that I would pull away once I realized that the love was gone.
I think it was a big step that I was finally able to decide on an end line, even if it was just that.

(Maybe I'll write another article about my mentor... like stories from when we were working together)