Moments when I could have turned back (3)

There's still more, my dark history.
This one is going to be short. Or so I plan.

About three months after the first loan (which I saw as money I was owed), it seemed that his cousin, who was in the middle of job hunting, was getting married.
How wonderful. No matter what state I'm in, I want to be the kind of person who can genuinely be happy for the good things that happen to others.
But you know, happy feelings never last long.
Especially when an idiot is by your side.

"So, lend me some money."

By this time, the amount I had lent had already exceeded 500,000 yen, and perhaps due to habit, the hurdle for borrowing money seemed to have dropped significantly for him.
He's asking for it so casually, isn't he?
Has the embarrassment and shame of borrowing money from your girlfriend disappeared?
Out of that anger, the next word I uttered
became "Huh?"
He flinched slightly, but then started explaining in a flurry.
"When I asked what they wanted for a wedding gift, they said a Dyson vacuum cleaner..."
"Listen here," could I even listen to the end?
"Asking 'what do you want?' is something only people who can handle whatever the answer is should do. It's not something a jobless debtor should be saying.
Don't you feel empty sending a gift with someone else's money? Don't you feel any shame in trying to show off with it?
If you really want to borrow it, you'll have to write your father's contact information on the promissory note,
with the condition that if I don't hear from you for two days, I will immediately inform him about the debt."

This is who I really am, you know.
It's not exactly holding back, but to avoid bruising a man's ego,
I don't usually say everything I want to say.
But this time, I went all out to crush his pride.
It seemed he had forgotten the promise that I would only lend him the bare minimum for living expenses.
There would be no problem in shredding the pride he had in trying to look good for his younger cousin.
He fell silent and whispered, "...I'm sorry."
"If you want to give a gift, do it yourself. I despise people who treat others like a wallet."
"...I understand. I'm sorry."
This is already pretty terminal, isn't it?
Still, I think I had feelings for him. Getting seriously angry was likely a sign of that.
However, this was an event that made me feel quite alarmed that he was starting to get used to borrowing money and that his sense of reality was changing.