How to Live After Saying Goodbye to Your Mother | Rethinking and Choosing My Life from My 50s

After saying goodbye to your parents, have you ever suddenly thought about something like this?

"What should I do with the rest of my life?"

Even though I should have done everything I could, for some reason, my heart doesn't feel full.

The moment the days spent chasing after caregiving ended, and only time was left wide open. Along with a sense of relief, many people may have experienced being wrapped in an indescribable sense of emptiness or loss.

As soon as the time I had been desperately facing ended, I could no longer see the "next" chapter of my own life.

If you are currently feeling the same way, thinking "I don't know what to do from here," I believe this article will be helpful to you.

This is because it was precisely because I stopped that I was able to rethink "how to live the rest of my life" and find my own answer.

In this article, I will share the process and realizations I went through as I re-examined and re-chose my life after saying goodbye to my mother in my 50s.

I am sure you will find hints within yourself that will make you think, "Let me think about my life once more."

The time until I said goodbye to my mother was my everything

My mother was in her 90s and required the highest level of nursing care, level 5.

I took my mother into a nursing home I had started with a friend and chose a life where I was deeply involved in her daily care.

It was caregiving as a job, but at the same time, it was "caregiving as a daughter."

The boundary was blurred, and that is precisely why every single day was such an intense period of time.

Meals, excretion, health management, and talking to her.

I think I was always on edge so as not to miss even the smallest changes.

Even though it must have been difficult, strangely, I never felt like I was "being forced" to do it.

That was surely because I had a desire to cherish the time I could spend by my mother's side.

The "quiet sense of loss" and the empty time that came after saying goodbye to my mother

There was a time when I thought that once caregiving ended, I would be free.

But in reality, it was different.

When those days ended, the "roles" I played suddenly vanished from my life.

I had time, but I didn't know what to do with it.

It wasn't that I didn't have things I wanted to do, but I couldn't summon the energy to move.

I think I was in a state of what you might call burnout.

Days where I didn't want to do anything continued.

Even when I woke up in the morning, there was no need to move for anyone else. I had time, but I didn't know what to do. Those kinds of days continued.

The daily routine that had been a matter of course was gone, and my heart couldn't keep up.

The more I thought, "I have to try," the less I was able to move.

That was the state I was in.

But looking back now, I think that time was necessary.

Perhaps my heart was trying to rest precisely because I had given it my all.

I asked myself, "Is it okay to go on like this?"

One day, this thought suddenly occurred to me.

"Is it really okay to just spend my time aimlessly like this?"

The time I spent living for my mother had ended, and now it was my turn to live "my own life."

When I realized that, my perspective changed just a little.

I want to choose how I live the second half of my life.

I feel that in my life up until now, I spent most of my time "for someone else."

That is by no means a regret.

But from now on, it will be different.

I have come to want to live a life that I choose for myself.

That was when I remembered my long-held desire to work in writing.

Rethinking my life, the things I chose again

That said, I didn't have the courage to jump straight into my ideal way of working.

So, what I chose was to change my environment in small ways.

Changing jobs to work involving computers

Although I owned a laptop, I could only do simple data entry.

So, first, I decided to place myself in an environment where I would touch a computer every day.

This, as it turned out, became a big step forward.

By using it daily, I naturally got used to operating it.

Trying my hand at being a writer as a side job

And in parallel, I started taking on the challenge of being aside-job writer.

At first, everything was a struggle.

I couldn't write, I wasn't getting hired, and I was losing confidence.

But even so, as I continued little by little, I felt that "writing" was coming back to me.

What I realized is that you don't have to change everything at once

When you hear about rethinking your life, you might feel that a major decision is necessary.

But in reality, that was not the case at all.

A accumulation of small choices is enough

What I did was,

・Change my environment a little
・Try things I'm interested in
・Continue without pushing myself too hard

That is all.

However, those small steps gradually changed the direction of my life.

It doesn't have to be perfect

Being able to think that way has made me feel much more at ease.

You can choose your life again, even in your 50s

There were many times when I thought, "It's too late."

But now, I can say it clearly.

It's not too late yet

In fact, I feel that there are things I can choose again precisely because of the experiences I've had until now.

The time I spent in the world of caregiving, the days I faced with my mother.

All of that has become the foundation of who I am today.

The important thing is not to try to change everything all at once.

Starting with a small step is more than enough.

Summary

After saying goodbye to my mother, I stood at a major turning point in my life.

That time, which seemed like nothing, was actually a precious period to think about "what comes next."

Life does not end once you have made a decision.

You can rethink and choose again as many times as you like.

Moving forward, I want to continue being honest with my feelings and making small choices one by one.

Postscript: Since then, an even bigger event has occurred! I will share the rest in my next post.❤

Thank you so much for reading this far.
I hope this reaches others who are feeling just as lost. If you'd like, please connect with me by clicking 'like' or following me; it would be a great encouragement.

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