☕ Why are some people bad at giving compliments? ~A story where no one is at fault~

Hey, hey, can I tell you something?

I'm the type of person who tends to notice the good in others.

Like, 'Oh, that really helped me out,' or 'That was such a thoughtful gesture, wasn't it?'

Are there any other people out there who, once they notice something, just can't help but put it into words and share it?

……But, you know.

Sometimes you don't get anything back, right? Haha.

Like, 'Wait?'
Was that
＼＼A case of being magnificently ignored!?／／
Something like that 😂

And then, the stuff that starts happening at night.

'Am I overthinking this?'
'Is it pushy of me to want a compliment back?'
'Wait, am I the only one whose energy is off?'

……Yeah, that's a common one 🙋‍♀️

Today, I want to talk about that,
without making anyone the bad guy,
and just try to sort it out a little ☕

☕ The 'Sensitive People Pick Up Too Much Good' Problem

First of all.

Sensitive people are
really good at picking things up.

The effort someone makes

Changes in the atmosphere

The important things that no one else sees

For some reason, they collect the 'good points' lying around
at lightning speed.

And what's more,
they go out of their way to put it into words and share it.

…Are you a professional at being kind?
Are you a bundle of volunteer spirit?
You scoop it up as easily as goldfish scooping (lol).

That's why,
when it doesn't come back,
you end up thinking, '...Huh?'

This isn't about
expecting too much,
or having a weak heart.

It's probably
a difference in the power of observation.

☕ People who are bad at giving compliments are usually like this

On the other hand,
people who are bad at giving compliments.

This,
is often not about their personality.

Doing it is expected

Criticism rather than praise

The process? I don't care, show me the results

When you grow up in an environment like this,

'Praising' and 'being praised'
don't come up in daily conversation.

Seriously,
compliments are like a foreign language.

Malice?
Almost none.

It's just that
they've 'never used them before,'
which is the case for many people.

☕ People who get a 'praise equals coddling' alarm

And this too.

・Being strict leads to growth
・Kindness is weakness
・Praising makes people get carried away

…I think, 'Is this the Showa era?', but
this is still deeply rooted today.

So when they try to praise someone,
an alarm goes off in their brain.

🚨 "Wasn't that a bit light?"
🚨 "Won't you be taken for granted?"

The person themselves is actually just
trying to do things properly.

They might be the type who is too serious
to come up with a compliment.

☕ Some people feel like their MP drops when they compliment others

This is a bit of a deep and good story.

If you grow up without being acknowledged much,
it seems some people feel like complimenting others
is like transferring their own points to the other person.
It's like that.

In RPG terms,
it's like, "Wait, did my MP just drop?"

They don't compliment not because they are cold, but perhaps because
they just didn't have enough emotional space.

☕ Some people see things even if they don't say it

Some people think compliments
are "like flattery"
or "feel light."

So they don't say anything, but
in their hearts,
they are often watching closely.

Their expression is
just a little clumsy.

*Clumsy of the clumsy.

☕ So, how can you interact with them easily?

Here is the practical part.
The watchword isdon't try too hard.

Instead of "Give me your thoughts,"
"What was the most helpful part?"

Instead of "Amazing!"
"You were the one who stayed until the end, right?"

Instead of evaluation,
"Thank you, that helped."

With this kind of distance,
there are quite a few people
who find it easier to speak up.

And, if they do compliment you.

"I'm happy, thank you ☺️"

Yes, that's it.
No digging deeper.
Don't press for more.
Don't follow up.

☕ Even so, you don't have to force yourself

This part is really important.

Trying to understand the other person is kind.
But,
you don't need to do it until you wear yourself out.

If you
notice,
pick up on it,
and can put it into words,

that is
not about how you were raised, but
an attitude you chose for yourself.

When it's painful because it isn't reciprocated,
it's okay to take some distance.

☕ No one is at fault, really

There are people who notice, and people who find it harder to notice.
There are people who are good at giving compliments, and people who are not.

It's not about good or evil,
it's just a differenceafter all.

☕ Closing

If you
"Why do I notice things so much?"
have been thinking that,

that iskindness.

If you
"I want to compliment them, but I can't say it well"
have been thinking that,

that too isa form of sincerity.

Well, that's all for today.
Thank you for visiting Cafe Le Miracle today.
Have a warm drink and get home safely ☕

#HSP
#SensitivePerson
#SelfUnderstanding
#Relationships
#Communication
#PowerOfWords
#HowTheMindWorks
#TalkAboutKindness
#Awareness
#LearnFromThisExperience