Reflections on Attending the First Local 'Support Group for Parents of School-Refusing Children'

“This is... something I have to go to!”

I received information that the first-ever 'Support Group for Parents of School-Refusing Children' would be held in my area!

I want to hear the voices from the front lines.
I want to know what parents who are struggling in the same way need.
And if there is anything I can do, I want to find it.

How I felt before going

After hearing about the event from an acquaintance, I decided immediately that I would go.

Leading up to the day, I was thinking about things like,
“How many people will come?”
“Will there be mostly mothers?”

Rather than feeling anxious or nervous, my feeling was more one of expectation, thinking,
“I hope it will be a good time.”

Atmosphere of the meeting: There were tears, and there was laughter

There were 5 participants at the first meeting.
While we drank our beverages, the atmosphere was gentle from start to finish.

We introduced ourselves casually and listened seriously to each other's stories.
It was a time of accepting one another while nodding along.

There was a mother who spoke through tears, and even though I thought, “I didn't think I would cry,” I teared up a little when I talked about the time when things were tough for me.

But it wasn't just about the hardship—
there was also genuine laughter as well.

One mother said,
“My child has started to be able to go to school little by little, and the phrase I've said most in the last year is... 'Okay! Let's go!,'”
she said quite casually.

The way she said it was somehow cute, too.
We all laughed involuntarily, and the atmosphere softened instantly.

The reason I felt at ease: No one gave advice

This is what I felt strongly there.

The sense of relief that no one gives advice.

Instead of saying, “You should do this,”
they just listened and said, “I hear you.”

Just that alone makes your feelings unravel.
The time passed in a flash, and I felt like I hadn't finished talking.

The struggles shared: There was so much empathy

Honestly, there were so many worries shared at the meeting that I could really relate to.

• It's exhausting to communicate with the school
  Even after telling them to 'only contact me when they are going,' the school calls every day, and I can't find any peace of mind.

• Communication with the school tends to fall on the mother
  Many people voiced how draining it is that communication and responses often lean heavily on the mother.

• Having to take time off work, change how I work, or quit entirely
  Income drops, and anxiety about daily life increases. This reality really hit home.

• Even in the same region, the response varies by school
  Some schools accept children every day, such as through separate room attendance, while others only do so twice a week. It's frustrating to think, 'We're in the same city, yet...'
  

• The sense of security changes depending on the homeroom teacher or school counselor
  There were also stories about the struggle of not being able to get an appointment with a child psychiatrist.

What I realized once again is that
school non-attendance doesn't just affect the child; it hits the parents' lives directly.

A story I particularly related to: Graduation album photos

What really struck me was the story about graduation album photos.

The child themselves says,
'I don't want to take a graduation photo,'
or 'It's fine if I'm not in it.'

But the school contacts us saying,
'Couldn't you provide a photo taken at home?'

I understand their good intentions. I understand the school's desire to 'leave something for them.' But when a parent stands in the middle of that,
they get caught in the middle.

My child also refused to attend the graduation ceremony, so I went to pick up the diploma and album in their place.
The feeling of wanting to say 'You don't have to go' and the feeling of 'I wish they could have gone...' get all tangled up inside me.

Hearing from other parents in similar situations, I felt nothing but empathy.

Lessons learned: Words of hope and the reality that 'there is no single right answer'

What left an impression on me during the meeting was a story from one mother.
She said the words a child psychiatrist counselor once told her still support her today.

'Even if they aren't going to school, as long as they can talk with their family and greet them, they will absolutely be okay.'

When a child isn't going to school, parents inevitably feel anxious, wondering,
'Will they be okay like this?'

But, as long as peace is maintained at home, they will be okay.
Just hearing that makes me feel a bit relieved.

And one more thing.
There is no right answer to dealing with school non-attendance, I felt that once again.

Our backgrounds are different. Our children's characteristics are different. Our family situations are different.
Even so, mothers face each day wishing for their children's smiles and health.

On the cooperation of fathers: I know it exists. But there is also a reality.

During the meeting, there were many voices saying it is truly helpful when fathers cooperate. It wasn't just about physical help, but also about wanting them to be
emotional support.

Of course,
I also know there are fathers who face their children, communicate actively, handle drop-offs and pick-ups, and treat their children as they always have at home. In fact, most of the fathers I am connected with on social media are like that.

However, based on what I heard at the meeting and my own gut feeling, I also got the impression that
in reality, there are few, and the burden tends to lean heavily on the mothers
.

And, the fathers who read this or listen to my Stand.fm broadcasts are probably already on the 'doing it together' side.
(Thank you all so much, always.)

What I gathered the courage to hand out at the end of the meeting

At the end of the meeting, I tried my best...💦

There is something I created with my team called
the 'School Refusal Peace of Mind Support GPTs'
, and

'In case you want to talk to someone late at night, please feel free to use this.'
With that feeling, I gathered my courage and handed out the information.

I did a good job.

If you haven't received it yet, please get it here🌸

To you who are reading this

When you are inside the family, school refusal can sometimes feel like
'only our home is standing still.'

But in reality, there are other parents who are struggling and holding on just the same.
And just by having someone listen to you, your heart can recover a little.

If there is anyone feeling lonely right now,
I want you to have at least one 'place to talk' or 'place where you can feel safe'.
Because it is truly exhausting for a parent to carry it all alone.

And, that phrase.
Even if they can't go to school, it's okay as long as there is conversation and greetings in the home.
I want to cherish this 'foundation' as well.

Thank you for reading this far🌸

Click here for the audio broadcast, rumored to have a healing voice👇

And finally.
Please give yourself a gentle pat on the back for making it this far today.