What people fear is not failure. It is 'being embarrassed'.

The scariest thing in life is not failing.
It is 'being embarrassed'.

Once you have been embarrassed to death, strangely, you stop fearing anything.
For those who cannot go that far, there is a path to getting used to it in small steps.

── I am Takeo Arakawa, and I receive over 5 management consultations every day, totaling 1,200 a year, in a port town with a population of 40,000.

This time, it is about 'embarrassment'.

■ No one picks the first song at the after-party karaoke

The other day, after a local meeting, we went to karaoke for an after-party.
There were about 10 of us.
Everyone was an adult.

The first song was not being picked.

The terminal was being passed around the table.
'No, I'll go later.'
'Please, go ahead.'
'You go first, senior.'

Five minutes passed. No one picked a song.
Even when the staff brought drinks, it was still being passed around.

In the end, the one who picked a song was a man in his 20s.

He wasn't good.
His pitch was clearly off.

But the moment he finished singing, the atmosphere in the room changed.

The next song was picked. And the one after that.
The people who had been refusing until just a moment ago started waiting for their turns.

And everyone was good, everyone looked like they were having fun.
The place livened up.

I had been watching that scene the whole time.

The person who sang first wasn't the best singer.
They were just the most resilient to embarrassment.

And it was that person who moved the room.

This is not just about karaoke.

■ What people are afraid of is not failure

There must be at least one thing you are not taking action on.

I want you to think about the reason for that once more.

Because I don't have the money.
Because I don't have the time.
Because I'm not prepared enough.

That is probably how you would answer.

But if you really had the money and time, would you take action?
People who don't take action won't take action even if they have everything they need.

Why is that?

The answer is simple.
'What you fear is not failure. It is being seen by others.'

Failure can be processed within yourself.
Embarrassment remains in the memories of others.

That is why people avoid embarrassment more than failure.

This is not a matter of having a weak will.
We are wired to treat being excluded from the group as a threat to our lives.
Because if you were cast out of the village, you could not survive.

'Looking pathetic' is a remnant of our survival instinct.

It is not that you are a coward.
It is just that you are built with that kind of mechanism.

■ The true nature of embarrassment is the gap between the ideal and reality

Let's go a step further here.

What exactly is embarrassment in the first place?

My answer is this.

Embarrassment is the gap between 'the self you want to be seen as' and 'the self you are now'.

That is why you don't feel embarrassed in front of people who don't matter to you.
You don't mind if you trip in a city where no one knows you.

But you cannot trip in front of classmates or company colleagues.
In other words, where you feel embarrassment, there is always 'the self you want to be'.

This is important.

Embarrassment does not point out your weaknesses.
It points out the direction in which you want to grow.

The moment you feel embarrassed,
that is the boundary between where you are standing now and where you want to go.

Therefore, embarrassment is not something to be erased.
It is something to be felt.

"What was embarrassing just now?"
"Why was that embarrassing?"

People who can ask themselves these two questions are the ones who grow.

A life without feeling embarrassment is easy.
But nothing grows.

■ There are two ways to break through embarrassment

So, how do you deal with that embarrassment?

There are two paths.

One is the path of breaking it all at once.

You made a huge mistake in front of people.
You worked up the courage to confess your feelings and were rejected.
You started a business and it didn't go well.

In that moment, you think your life is over.

But when you look back a few months later, you realize.

"Huh, it wasn't actually over."

At this moment, something in your mind breaks.
What breaks is your "standard of embarrassment."

"There is no embarrassment greater than that."

From the moment you can think that, you become able to take action.

The other path is to get used to it in small doses.
This one is probably more realistic.

For example, giving a presentation.
Raising your hand in a training session or meeting.
Asking the instructor a question.

Those are also perfectly valid forms of embarrassment.

Right before you raise your hand, your heart beats a little faster.
"What if I ask something strange?"
"Everyone else might understand, and I might be the only one who doesn't."

In that one moment, all of that embarrassment is contained.

But once you do it, the next time it feels a little lighter.
After doing it three times, you feel almost nothing at all.

And then, something interesting happens.

Those who ask questions get answers.
Those who present get feedback.
The faces and names of those who raise their hands are remembered.

Nothing happens to those who stay silent.

You gain information in proportion to the embarrassment you suffer.
Because you gain information, your judgment changes.
Because your judgment changes, the results change.

Break it in a big way, or get used to it in a small way.
Either is fine.

But the path of avoiding it forever leads nowhere.

■ The day I couldn't speak

Talk about yourself.

When I was about two years into my first job after graduation,
there was a day I couldn't speak well during the morning assembly.

The words I had prepared didn't come out.
In the middle of it, I didn't know what I was saying anymore.
I just kept reading what I had prepared.

Unable to watch, someone stepped in to provide supplementary explanations.

After it was over, I thought I was bad at speaking in front of people.
I thought I had prepared, too.
But at that moment, I was filled with embarrassment.
It was trivial, but I felt like I had hit rock bottom.

But my life didn't end.
In fact, the situation didn't change, and if anything, I became someone who works hard.

People don't look at you as much as you think they do.

There is no point in understanding this intellectually.
It only truly sinks in after you have been embarrassed.

■ Those who get embarrassed first are the ones who move forward

When I look at successful business owners, they have something in common.

They all have stories of embarrassment.

And what's more, they talk about them while laughing.

'Back then, I intended to gather 20 people, but only 3 showed up.'
'All the prototypes were left unsold.'

I'm not hiding it.
In fact, I'm using it as material.

In other words, it's like this.

It's not that people who were embarrassed succeeded.
It's because they are people who can be embarrassed that they were able to move forward.

We are looking at the same person.
Yet, the scenery we see is completely different.

If you only look at the results, you'd say, 'That person is lucky.'
If you know the process, you'd say, 'That person was embarrassed first.'

■ What I want to convey

A life of updating your embarrassments is more interesting than a life of avoiding them.

Things I want to do from now on.
Record the moment you feel 'embarrassed'.
That is where the direction you want to grow is written.

Also, tell one person what you are about to do.
Once you've said it, it becomes harder to turn back.
It's faster to move once you've eliminated your escape routes.

When was the last time you were embarrassed?

If you can't remember, you've probably been standing still for a while.

You should be the one to put in the first song.

What is your most embarrassing experience?

P.S.
I wrote, 'Be the one to put in the first song.'
What was I doing at that karaoke?
When the terminal came around, I silently passed it to the person next to me.

The person who escaped the best is the one writing this article.

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