School Non-Attendance: "Is this the right choice?" - A story about how it took time to be able to say it doesn't have to be the 'correct' answer -

When your child stops attending school, do you ever feel crushed by anxiety, wondering,
"Is this okay?"
"Is this approach, this choice, the right one?"
I lived in that state of anxiety for a long time.
I wondered if the choices I made, thinking they were right, were truly for my child's benefit.

The more information I gathered, the more I saw various opinions, and the more confused I became.

🌿The reason I could think "this is okay"

I was able to think that way when I could feel the
smile of my son, who was the one not attending school. Honestly, it took time to reach that point.

The reasons and backgrounds for not attending school are truly varied, but I feel that these points are common to every child:
・They are tired
・They don't have the energy just to go to school

That is precisely why it can take a considerable amount of time before changes become visible in the child themselves.

🌱 Chasing information and getting lost

I half-resigned myself and became a search addict. I looked for places to consult, went to hear stories, and worried as I encountered a lot of information.

"Hmm, something feels off"

"This might be good""This might suit my child"

I believe that's the only way to gradually align things. You should rely on the people around you. But even there, there is compatibility and the person's own values.

No matter how experienced an expert is, they won't give you the "correct answer." Fortunately, my family was blessed with places to consult. Even so, my heart was wearing thin.

☘️Words that saved me

At such times, what supported me were senior moms online and old friends. Honestly, no one can perfectly understand the situation. Even so, I received words like these:
・"Maru, you're doing enough."

・"Honestly, I don't know the situation, but if you're thinking and acting like that, I think [Son's Name] will be fine."

Those words were so kind, they soaked into my body. There are people who acknowledge me. Just that made the weight on my heart a little lighter. I think I was able to face my son because of those words at that time.

🌱Trial and error with my son

I also talked a lot with my son. "Mom doesn't know either. I might make mistakes. I'm sorry." I tried to apologize honestly like that. In fact, there were times when I took him to visit extracurricular lessons or after-school day services even though he didn't have enough energy. Even if he said "maybe I'll try going" in the flow of conversation, when the day came, he would say "I don't want to after all." Even if we went, he would tilt his head saying "Hmm..." That's a sign that this isn't right, isn't it? I had no choice but to repeat trial and error. I had to resign myself to that.

🌿What I realized

However, he gradually became okay with going out with family or me. So, I tried to go out within a range that wasn't forced. A slightly larger park. The science museum he liked at the time. They weren't special places. But my son had a truly happy face at those times. There, I realized clearly. He doesn't have the energy to spend time with strangers he doesn't know. But he's okay with family. He also seems to have a lot of fun playing at home. From then on, I stopped trying to force myself to find "another place to be." I decided that if he stays home and spends his time smiling now, that's good enough.

🌿Even though there is no correct answer

There probably isn't a 'correct' answer.
But,

That is the answer for me.

'Is this choice right?'
I kept asking myself that, but,

'Yeah, it's probably right.
　I don't know if it's the 'correct' answer, but
for now, being here is fine.'
That's how I spent my days thinking.

🌷Finally
If you are struggling in the same way right now.
If you are lost, thinking, and standing still.
Just doing that means you are already facing it enough.

It doesn't have to be the 'correct' answer.
If your child was able to smile even a little today,
that choice is surely not wrong (^^)