[Poem] The Shape of Dreams

In the future I imagined when I was little,
I wanted to be a baker or a florist,
a school teacher or a doctor.

"When I grow up..."
With that magical phrase,
I would speak without a hint of hesitation,
innocently laughing as I talked.

I wonder when it started,
but even when asked, "What is your dream for the future?"
the words would get stuck in my throat,
and I could no longer answer right away.

Just as I grew taller,
and the tones of the clothes I chose
became more subdued,
I gradually walked down the path of becoming an adult.

The adults I looked up to back then
had broad, reliable backs,
and seemed like invincible people who could do anything.

But now that I am standing in that very place,
there are still countless things I don't know or can't do well,
and there are days when I feel lost,
and times when I truly come to a standstill.

I learned to endure,
and within the great vortex of society,
I acquired the skills to survive,
and before I knew it, rather than talking about the future,
I was doing my absolute best
just to live through each day.

Every time I grew older and gave up on something,
there were new things I touched with these hands.
Precious people I want to hold tight,
and though they may seem trivial,
moments I don't want to let go of and want to protect,
a place where I can return to myself,
a place I want to cherish.

Though I rarely shout out my dreams
innocently
like I did back then,

now, in the palms of these hands,
I hold many "things I want to protect"
that I couldn't hold back then.
Deep in my heart, I have the medals of "experience"
that I have accumulated even while getting hurt.

My dreams
haven't disappeared.
In the long seasons of life,
they have changed their shape little by little,
and even now, inside my heart,
they are quietly, surely, breathing.