Because I couldn't rely on anyone, I got a qualification and bought my own home

Introduction

"You're a parent, so..."
There was a time when those words caused me pain.

If they're a parent, they'll help. If they're a parent, they'll be on my side.
I always held onto that expectation somewhere deep down.

But now that I'm in my 40s, I think differently.
Once I let go of those expectations, living became a little easier.

Today, I'd like to write about my relationship with my mother.

The day I first talked about wanting a divorce

Around the time I decided to get a divorce.
I expected she would oppose it, but somewhere in my heart, I was still hoping.

Maybe this time, she might be on my side.

Thinking that, I opened up to her.
"I want a divorce."

The words that came back were,
"You should just put up with it."
That was it.

"He's giving you enough money to live on, isn't he?"
With that one sentence,
Ah, this person doesn't see my suffering at all.
That's what I thought.

Being told there was no place to return to

During the divorce mediation.
And even after the divorce was finalized.
"There is no place for you to come back to."
"You decided this yourself, so you need to do your best on your own."
That's what I was told.

Of course, parents have their own lives too.
Perhaps there were circumstances I couldn't accept.

But those words have stayed in my heart ever since.

I couldn't even rely on them for a guarantor

My daughter's schooling.
My own employment.
There are times in life when you need a guarantor.

But I have never once had my parents sign for me.

After I got married,
"You're no longer a member of this family."
I could feel that atmosphere.

That's why I never had the option of,
If I'm in trouble, I can just go back to my parents' house.
I never had that choice.

That's why I got a qualification

I got my real estate license (Takken).
I became a full-time employee.
I took out a mortgage.
I bought a house.

All of it was because,
"If something happens, my parents will help me."
That premise didn't exist for me.

If I can't rely on them,
I have no choice but to become able to live on my own.
That was also my driving force.

Now, I don't have any expectations

In the past,
"Why don't they understand?"
I used to think that.
But now it's different.

Parents don't change.
If that's the case,
It's easier if I don't expect anything.

I've come to think that way.

I don't force myself to visit home either.
Work is busy.
The airfare is expensive.
Those are also true reasons.

But the biggest one might be that,
I don't feel like I have to go back anymore.

The time I spent as a full-time housewife wasn't wasted either

In the past,
I can't rely on my parents.
I don't have a job.
The time I spent as a full-time housewife was a waste.
I used to think that.

But recently, it's different.

At work, I sometimes get consulted by mothers who are raising children.
Things I understand because I was a full-time housewife.
Things I understand because I became a working mom.
There are things I can convey because I've experienced both.

Life is funny; the time you thought was wasted can end up being useful to someone years later.

Conclusion

Even now,
I don't think my parent-child relationship was ideal.

But,
"I was able to do my best because of those parents."
I don't intend to turn it into a beautiful story like that.

The only thing I can say is that,
Once I let go of expectations,
I became able to walk my own life.

You can't change your parents.
But,
You can change how you live.

I think it's a very happy thing to have people you can rely on.
If your parents live nearby and can watch your children or help you when you're in trouble, I want you to cherish that environment.

But there were things I only realized because I had a life where I couldn't rely on anyone.

Getting a qualification.
Becoming a full-time employee.
Taking out a mortgage and buying my own home.

Everything started from the feeling of wanting to gain the power to live on my own.

Looking back,
"Huh? I can actually manage on my own, can't I?"
I've come to think that way.

There is also a sense of security in standing on my own two feet. Perhaps the biggest thing for me was gaining that sense of security.

So if there is anyone right now who is thinking,
"I want to change something."
"I want some confidence."
I still recommend the real estate license.
It's easy for women to keep working.

You can use it even as you get older.
And above all,

"Maybe I can live on my own."
Because it's a qualification that gave me that small bit of confidence.