#6 Wearing four hats, ending quietly. Before I knew it, my breathing had deepened.
The day the taut string finally snapped
When I successfully completed the Sukimama curriculum,
and when I decided on my own not to renew my contracts for two remote jobs—
I felt as if a string that had been pulled taut inside me for so long had snapped 😭
I still clearly remember the sense of relief and the indescribable sense of exhaustion I felt at that moment.
Actually, even while I was in the thick of it, I had a sneaking suspicion that "I won't be able to keep this up for long."
Even so, I couldn't stop.
That's why that feeling when it was "over" wasn't just a sense of liberation, but also a gentle, soothing "salvation" 🍀
Reflecting? No way. I just wanted to rest.
For about a week after that, I didn't have the energy to reflect or organize my thoughts,
I kept housework to a minimum, barely looked at social media, and just spent my time zoning out.
It wasn't until some time later that I finally started to get a little bit of breathing room back inside myself 😵💫
What brought me healing 🌸 The "connection" with people
Even while living a life wearing four hats, there were moments of healing.
I decided that weekends would be "days to focus 100% on my children," and I turned off my smartphone and PC.
The casual conversations with my child in nursery school and the time spent watching them grow definitely helped restore my peace of mind.
And another thing: the weekly Google Meet with Sukimama.
The warm feedback from mentors, and the empathy and support from my peers.
Before joining, I honestly didn't really get why "peers" would be so important, but now I am convinced.
Because remote work can be lonely, the presence of peers who can support each other is truly essential.
Also, I was saved by the "face-to-face communication" at my part-time nursing job.
The idle chatter with patients and colleagues, words of thanks, the atmosphere where we could laugh together—
I realized once again the warmth of a place where you connect directly with people.
Trying to "do it all" is impossible after all. But I did see something 💡
As a result, I ended up letting go of both of my two remote jobs in a short period of time.
There were days when I felt down, thinking, "Maybe I wasn't cut out for this after all..."
But now, I can say it clearly.
"Because I tried it, I was able to see something."
And for me, it remained as these lessons:
The confidence that I could jump into practical work even as a beginner
A big step of achieving "from zero to one"
The gratitude for my family's understanding and support
The importance of protecting one's health(especially diet and sleep)
An opportunity to think about what "a way of working that suits me" isthe trigger for
The fact that Iloved communicating with people this muchAll of these have become
important realizations and experiencesthat support me now.
I returned to my starting point. What I "truly wanted" was actually simple🌼
Through that spring, I was finally able to notice feelings I had almost forgotten.
"I want days where I can spend time peacefully with my family."
"I want a life where I can sleep properly and spend my time laughing."
It doesn't have to be flashy.
It doesn't have to be too busy.
I want to work and live in a way that doesn't leave my heart behind.
I was finally able to return to that starting point—
perhaps that wasthe greatest harvestof this spring for me🌱
Thank you so much for reading this far✨
I would be happy if there were parts you could relate to.
Next time, I will write about the "introspection" and "period of mental struggle" that came after things settled down for a while.
I will record how I gradually listened to my own true feelings🕊️
I would be happy if you came to visit again😆
Please also give me a like or follow♥️