Adjustment Disorder and the Light of 370,000 PV: The 'Only Hope' That Saved My Broken Heart
Endless overtime, and an 'adjustment disorder' diagnosis reached at the limits of my physical and mental strength. On the night I lost everything, I suddenly remembered a blog post from my previous job. The achievement of exceeding 370,000 PV in six months led me to my recovery.
Those days at the workplace where I lost sight of the light.
I once worked in a job centered on purchasing operations.
I was responsible for everything: appraisals, handling emails and LINE messages from customers, coordination between departments, and training subordinates. On top of that, I even wrote the company blog.
Before I knew it, I was chasing work from morning until night. Overtime was a given, there were many weekend shifts, and the word 'private life' had completely vanished from my mind.
My boss didn't know the hardships of the front lines, and evaluations were decided by their mood at the time. Even if I worked hard and sincerely, it was never rewarded.
Even so, I believed that 'if I just do my best, things will work out.' However, such strain could not last long...
A subordinate I worked with fell ill mentally before I did. I blamed myself deeply, wondering if my own actions had contributed to it, and before I knew it, I had broken down in the same way.
Every time I thought, 'I have to try harder,' I felt something deep inside my heart creaking.
Endless overtime. Phone calls and emails on my days off. And the office in the middle of the night, with no one else around. In that silence, I kept questioning my own worth.
'Is this really how my life is supposed to be...?'There was no answer.
Eventually, both my body and mind reached their limit.
The diagnosis at the hospital was 'adjustment disorder'.
Even so, I handed over my duties to the very end as much as I could before resigning. Perhaps that was my own way of 'closing the chapter'.
After resigning, I returned to my parents' home in Nagano. The magnificent mountain scenery I hadn't seen in a long time gently wrapped around my strained heart.
Days of recuperation.
There was a mix of relief at being freed from work and a fundamental anxiety about how I would live from here on out.
In the midst of that, I suddenly remembered a blog post I had written at my previous job.
A post about BTS It was an achievement I posted around 2020 at my previous job, which exceeded 370,000 PV six months later, and ranked higher than Wikipedia for the highly competitive keyword 'BTS members'.
At the time, I just let it end with a 'That's amazing,' but looking back now, it was solid proof of hope for me. And even now, that article remains at the top for BTS member keywords.
The moment I thought, 'I want to regain that feeling once more,' something deep within my heart ignited again.
I'll take a chance and try to rebuild my life on my own as a web writer.
The day I made that decision, my 'story of rebirth' began to move quietly.
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