Why You Feel Guilty Even When Resting

Hello. I am Ayaka, a psychological organization counselor.

You feel like you should be doing something even though you are resting.
You feel impatient. You feel guilty.

That is because:
・Deep down, you have the premise that "I have no value if I am not doing anything"
・You have maintained your value and sense of belonging by being someone who works hard

This is a reaction that easily occurs in such people.

In this article, we will look at this suffering from the perspective of the "subconscious."

Even though you are resting, your mind cannot rest

You are actually tired.
You actually need to rest.
You are actually in a state where it is okay to stop for a while.

Even so, you may feel restless when you are resting.

「Is it okay for me to be doing this?」
「There are people who are working harder than me」
「I still have things I should be doing」
「Maybe I am being lazy by resting」
「I feel like I have no value if I am not doing anything」

Even when lying down, your mind is spinning with plans and self-reflection.
Even though it is time when you are doing nothing, the voice blaming yourself does not stop.
Even though you should have rested, you end up feeling even more tired.

What is happening here is not that you do not need to rest.
It is a state where you feel like your value is wavering during your rest time.

The premise that "I have no value if I am not doing anything"

From the perspective of the subconscious, we do not move only based on what we think on the surface.

In your head, you know it is better to rest.
You understand that it is natural to rest if you are tired.
You also know that continuing to push yourself will only make you suffer more.

Even so, there may be a different premise working deep in your heart.

「I have no value if I am not doing anything」
「I will not be loved if I do not work hard」
「I will not be needed if I am not useful」
「I will be left behind if I rest」
「I will fall apart if I stop」

When you have these premises, resting becomes a time that evokes anxiety rather than recovery.

As a result, even though you are just resting, you may feel as if your very existence is fading away.

Originally, resting is a necessary time for your body and mind.
However, if you feel deep down that "value is something proven by action," guilt will arise during your rest time.

I feel like I am allowed to be here if I am working hard

The need for approval is also involved here.

The need for approval is not just about wanting to be praised.
It is also a desire to feel that you belong in your relationships with others.

You were praised when you worked hard.
You were thanked when you were useful.
You were accepted when you met expectations.
You maintained relationships by enduring things.
You protected your place by not being a burden.

As these experiences accumulate, your heart gradually learns.

Then, resting is no longer just stopping.

It becomes becoming someone who is not useful.
It becomes becoming someone who is not meeting someone's expectations.
It becomes becoming someone who is not producing results.
It becomes becoming someone who has no proof of working hard.

That is how it feels.

Therefore, people who feel guilty while resting are not people who do not deserve to rest.
They are people who have protected their value and place for a long time by being someone who works hard.

Reasons why you don't need to blame yourself

When you feel guilty while resting, you may want to blame yourself.

You are resting, but you cannot relax.
You feel anxious just by doing nothing.
You are tired, but you cannot forgive yourself.
Why can't I even rest with peace of mind?

However, what we really want to look at is not the clumsiness of your inability to rest.

Why do you feel that you have no value when you are doing nothing?
Why do you feel anxious when there is no proof that you are working hard?
Why does resting feel like time spent being left behind rather than recovery?

There is a structure there that needs to be understood.

You, who feel guilty while resting, are not a lazy person.
You are a person who has tried to maintain your value and place by being someone who works hard.

Instead of saying, "I'm no good because I can't even rest,"
say, "There was a reason why I felt guilty when I rested."

Just seeing it that way will change your perspective on yourself a little.

There is a reason for the reaction of feeling guilty while resting.
First, before blaming yourself, it is okay to understand the mechanism behind it.

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I look forward to seeing you again.