What the age of 53 quietly confronts me with

To be honest,
I can understand, if I put myself in their shoes, why there is a "cautious feeling about hiring people in their 50s" in the medical and welfare field.
Physical strength, flexibility, ease of fitting into an organization, and future potential.
When thinking about management, I think it is natural to want to choose younger people.

Even so—
While facing reality, there were several events that kept my heart wavering.

It happened when I inquired at a visiting nursing station.
I confirmed by phone in advance whether it was possible to apply even at 53.
I was told "I will call you back," and the call came on the morning of the second day.

The result was
"We are currently looking for female staff, so it is difficult."

I can understand that such circumstances exist.
But if that was the case, I wish they had written it in the job posting from the beginning. (*After this, I spoke with a recruitment agency and was told that it is not allowed to write gender restrictions in job postings! My apologies.)
Having expectations raised only to have conditions presented later is more draining than I thought.

At another clinic,
even though I had applied for a full-time position,
the conditions changed to "How about part-time?"

And what was even more shocking was,
"I will hire you if you do not just work as a physical therapist, but take on the three roles of physical therapist, care manager, and nursing assistant.
However, your salary will be lower."

…Honestly, my mind couldn't keep up.
Why would the salary go down when the work increases?
Logically, I could not accept it no matter how I thought about it.

Anger welled up.
At the same time, there was sadness.
And somewhere, a feeling like resignation was mixed in.

"Ah, so this is what the age of 53 is."

Of course, I know there are workplaces that welcome even a 53-year-old.
In fact, I hear such stories.
So I do not want to criticize the entire industry across the board.

However, when these events pile up,
the feeling of being seen through the filter of age is inevitably forced upon me.

Even so, strangely enough, it did not lead to complete despair.

If there are doors closed in the world of medical welfare,
could I not turn my eyes to another world...
Such a thought suddenly crossed my mind.

Then, how about trying once more as the "hired side" in the chiropractic industry, which gives me a chance?

It might be unstable.
The future might be uncertain.
Even so, at least I felt there was less of a sense of being cut off just because of my "age."

Anger, sadness, resignation.
And a tiny bit of hope.

My heart, which kept wavering during the job search,
might have been asking more than "where to work,"
"am I still a person who is allowed to choose?"