My 47th Birthday. The Form of Recovery I Found Through Solo Karaoke.

Today is my birthday😊 I've turned 47.

Last night, I spent time at an izakaya and karaoke with nearly 10 acquaintances.

I feel like I've spent every birthday alone for the past several years. Honestly, I don't really remember much about my birthdays.

I didn't care about birthdays at all.

More than that, I was only interested in money and gambling.

Actually, the drinking party I was invited to last night just happened to be the day before my birthday, so it just turned into a celebration for me (lol).

During the day, I also spent four hours chatting and laughing with a friend and her child whom I hadn't seen in a long time😊

Surprisingly, that was also scheduled for the day before my birthday by chance, lol.

So, when I mentioned it was my birthday tomorrow, they treated me.

The daughter is 19 years old, and it was our first time meeting since she was in elementary school. She hadn't changed at all; she grew up to be just as cute and polite as she was back then.

Even though she's a young girl, she shares the same hobbies as me—she loves hot springs and shrines—so we even made plans for a shrine and hot spring date next time😊

Her mother gave us the okay, too.

I don't think I will ever forget my 46th birthday last year when I was at the facility.

I was celebrated by over 30 peers at the gambling addiction recovery facility.

I had never had more than 10 people celebrate my birthday before.

At the facility, everyone gathers for each person's birthday to give presents, perform acts, and sing songs to celebrate.

Some people do stand-up comedy, some do one-off gags, some sing songs, some bomb completely, and some are just naturally hilarious.

Everyone tried to celebrate their fellow peer's birthday in whatever way they could. It's such a wonderful memory. For me, having spent so long just gambling, chasing only external things, and feeling worn out in both body and soul, it was a warm, human moment. I never imagined I would be able to welcome a birthday like that, even at 46.

Mitsuro Sato listed a few things that are good to do during the summer solstice period. One of them was, 'Try doing something you wouldn't have done as your past self.' So, I took the plunge a few days ago and went to 'hitokara' (solo karaoke).

If it were me two years ago, I would have never gone, 100%. I would have only thought it was embarrassing for a middle-aged man to go to karaoke alone. But now that I value my inner self, I was able to go with a little bit of courage. And what's more, it was incredibly fun.

Singing my favorite songs however I like, laughing at my own poor singing and enjoying it, taking a break to look at my phone, eating takoyaki when I get a little hungry, and then singing again.

Going with others is fun, but being alone allows me to use my time solely for myself.

I thought to myself, what a wonderful time this is.

I felt like I wanted to go about once a month😊

Lately, I've been enjoying doing things alone more and more.

I've become able to go to places with nice scenery, hot springs, and shrines by myself, and those times are fulfilling; I always feel satisfied afterward.

I still go to the slots occasionally, I still slip (relapse into gambling), and I often feel distressed that I can't stop even though I want to.

But, I've become able to engage in other activities that I enjoy in life.

I think this is incredibly important for recovery.

I am not strong. Because I am a weak person, I know that even if I swear with a strong will that I will never go again, I will definitely betray myself.

Therefore, I have no choice but to accept that version of myself as is (acknowledge it) and move forward.

I hope to gradually lower the ratio of gambling in my life.

What used to be 100% gambling in my head is now about 50%.

Doing what I want to do and going where I want to go. If I can keep doing that more and more on my own, the time and mental energy I spend on those things will increase.

And before I knew it, the proportion of gambling in my head and in my actual life had almost disappeared.

That is the ideal. Or rather, I have accepted that this is the only thing I can do right now.

Then, I stopped blaming myself as much as I used to, and I realize that the time I can live positively is increasing.

Above all, the time I spend feeling happy, lighthearted, and fulfilled has increased dramatically.

Thank you for reading until the end. Follows, likes, and comments are very welcome.

The culmination of my life! The most important thing I finally realized after losing everything and hitting rock bottom👇

A heartwarming yet bittersweet story of love and bonds between an AI, a human, and a cat. The novel 'I Am an AI.' 👇

YouTube 'Ginga Taro' 👇