Diagnosed with ADHD as an Adult

I was told I might have ADHD after I became an adult.
Until then, I had lived my life thinking, 'I'm just a useless person.'

Since I was a child, I often forgot things, and in elementary school, I was scolded by my teachers almost every day.
Forgetting homework, forgetting textbooks, forgetting to write in my contact notebook. Even though I tried to be careful, for some reason, I would repeat the same mistakes.

Every time that happened, I was scolded, warned, and told over and over to 'act properly.'

Eventually, I began to think, 'I am a person who cannot even do normal things.'

Even after becoming an adult, that didn't change much.
There are things I have to do, but I can't seem to get moving.
Even when I try to do my best, I get tired halfway through.
Before I know it, I end up putting off the things I should be doing.

I hated myself for that and fell into self-loathing many times.

Everyone around me can do these things normally, so why can't I?
It's not that I lack motivation, but for some reason, things just don't go well.

I had been thinking that way for a long time.

Then one day, I learned the term 'ADHD'.
As I read the characteristics listed—forgetting things often, procrastinating, inability to maintain focus—I thought, 'Wait? This might be me.'

When I learned that, I felt a little relieved.

I realized that what I had always thought was due to my personality or lack of effort might actually be a trait of my brain.

Of course, having ADHD doesn't mean everything is excused.
Even so, just being able to think, 'Maybe I have these traits,' rather than continuing to think, 'I am a useless person,' made my heart feel a little lighter.

The difficulty in living that I had felt since I was a child.
The question of why I was the only one who couldn't do things well.

I felt like I had caught a glimpse of the answer.

If there is anyone out there right now who is continuing to blame themselves, I want to tell you this.
It might not be a lack of effort.

It might just be that you have traits that are a little different from the people around you.

And I don't think that determines your value.

While I have come to terms with those traits to some extent, I am still reading self-help books, trying meditation, and searching for various things on my smartphone, thinking that maybe I can still do it.