Living for "Approval" means "Living Someone Else's Life."

⚫︎What is "Approval Desire"?

Approval desire is the psychological need to obtain positive evaluation from others. Specifically, it refers to the desire to be recognized, praised, or seen as impressive.

It is often thought that "seeking approval is a bad thing," but approval desire is one of the "basic psychological needs of humans," and it is a desire that everyone possesses. People sometimes strive to change themselves or take on new challenges in order to gain positive evaluation from others. At work here is a "


great driving force that pushes people forward," known as the desire for approval. And by obtaining approval, one can recognize their own value, feel confident that "I am amazing!", and find peace of mind.

However, pursuing only approval and evaluation from others to make actions and decisions is very dangerous. Approval desire is also "
a troublesome thing that makes you unable to hear your own inner voice".

⚫︎Characteristics of people who strongly seek approval

Basically, most people who strongly seek approval are "people who lack self-confidence." Because they lack confidence in themselves, they try to gain it by having others recognize them as "amazing!"

Confidence is "the power to believe in one's own abilities and potential," and originally, it has nothing to do with evaluation from others; it is about whether you can believe in yourself.

However, because people who strongly seek approval cannot have confidence in themselves, they come to rely on positive evaluation from others to gain confidence, and by doing so, they try to maintain "peace of mind."

As a result of trying to maintain peace of mind through evaluation from others, to avoid being criticized, they are constantly concerned with how others see them, unable to express their own opinions, and live based on "evaluation from others" instead of "I want to do this!" but rather "I'll do this because I don't want to be disliked by so-and-so."

And by continuing this way of thinking and acting, one enters the most dangerous state.

That is, "becoming unable to hear your own inner voice (true feelings)".

Thinking and acting based on "what others think" means that your own intentions and opinions are irrelevant, and the ability to read others' feelings and make decisions based on that becomes more important. Therefore, thinking about "what do I want to do?" is a waste of time, so eventually, you stop thinking about your own intentions or opinions and fall into a complete "
state of suspended thought".

As a result, when you face a situation where you need to state your own opinion (such as a team meeting or job hunting), even though people around you are expressing their opinions one after another, you cannot come up with any opinions even if you try, leading to a situation where you feel inferior, and ultimately losing confidence in yourself for not having your own opinions or core.

In other words, people who strongly seek approval fall into a "negative loop" where they become unable to have their own opinions or core because they seek evaluation from others, and then lose even more confidence in themselves for being that way.

⚫︎You can only keep going on approval desire for "3 years"

The amount of time you can put in effort with the goal of obtaining approval is, at most, three years (my personal opinion). For example, regarding short-term goals that can be achieved in three years or less (such as passing a prestigious university or getting a job at a famous company), if you have the desire for approval of "I want to be respected by those around me!", I think you can manage even if the effort is somewhat difficult. However, after passing the university or getting the job, if you lack an intrinsic purpose or goal set by yourself, and your motivation is only the desire for approval such as "I want to be thought of as excellent" or "I want to be recognized by my boss," I think it is impossible to continue the effort.

This is because there is no limit to the desire for approval, such as "I want to succeed," "I want to be recognized by people," or "I want to be respected." Also, if you continue to receive positive evaluation from others, your senses become numbed, and you begin to seek even stronger stimulation of approval, wanting "more and more!"

As a result, when you are no longer evaluated by others or when the effort to obtain approval becomes too difficult, you will suddenly come to your senses and wonder, "What am I doing this for?" At that moment, you will realize, "
I was not living my own life, but living someone else's life".

⚫︎First, have a "purpose in life" of your own

What people who strongly seek approval must do first is to discard all evaluation and gazes from others and have a "purpose in life" such as "What kind of life do I want to live?" or "What do I want to accomplish through my life?" When you have a "purpose in life," you gain a "

guiding principle (personal core) for living your own life" that answers "what do I want to do" and "how do I want to be." And by making decisions in line with that personal core, you can "
live true to yourself".

The purpose of life differs from person to person.
This is because how people feel happiness and their standards for it vary.

Therefore, you cannot find it by asking others or searching online. Of course, you won't find it by asking ChatGPT either.

That is the first step toward beginning to walk your own life.

⚫︎Summary

The desire for approval can be a "great driving force that motivates people," but it is also a "troublesome thing that makes you unable to hear your own inner voice."

It is no exaggeration to say that people who live only seeking approval are living a life centered on others and are living their own lives haphazardly.

This is the negative loop for people who strongly seek approval.

For those who strongly seek such approval, let's start by having a "purpose in life."
Have a purpose in life and make decisions according to your own values.
If you walk such a "life true to yourself," you will naturally be able to have confidence in yourself.

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