Adult Developmental Disorders: What I Want to Do vs. What I Can Do

I have just started my job search.
I am starting little by little while being supported by specialized staff.

What I think about while job hunting is that
what I 'want to do' and what I 'can do' are different.
It is sad, but it feels like I have been confronted with reality.

I require more effort and energy than others to communicate with people.
For example, it is quite difficult for me to understand the intent of a conversation, think ahead, combine information, or process auditory information.
When I cannot accept something, 'Why?' and 'How come?' always follow.
If the 'facts' in my brain do not match the 'words' coming from the outside, I cannot digest things. That is the core of who I am, which must be treated as carefully as the cells that make up my body.
An environment that does not fit wears me down, so I want to defend environmental adjustments at all costs.

Until now, all my work has been face-to-face.
It was a raw and intense world of person-to-person interaction.

I would 'pretend to understand' without actually understanding, and force myself to swallow words I couldn't digest. The brain errors that accumulated that way would eventually exceed my limit, burst, and lead to panic attacks.
After repeating those days, what I have finally reached after casting off my 'camouflage' is a landscape completely different from anything I have known before.

Interpersonal work does not seem to suit me. The emotions of others flow in like a muddy stream, stimulating my senses far too strongly.
I have sensory hypersensitivity.
When my five senses are fully stimulated by light, sound, voices, the arrangement of objects, etc., combined with synesthesia, I feel colors in people and perceive their emotions as textures.
People's words, emotions, and distortions in the air flow into my brain as colors, shapes, or textures accompanied by 'weight.' Without time to refuse, it happens automatically. It was an unbearable pain that felt like it was eating away at my entire body. I have firmly vowed to myself to avoid such environments in the future!
I am resetting my experience so far. It is a fresh start from zero.
Now, what shall I draw next?
This journey called job hunting, which occupies sixty percent of my heart.

I am now quietly waiting for the moment of takeoff.