Do I actually 'not want to work' either!? The relationship between the loneliness humans carry and the mirror
──From the instinct to protect the nest to patriotism
😠The day I realized I had been mean to myself
Recently, I realized that I had been "being mean to myself."
I thought I liked buying clothes, but in reality, by wearing new clothes, I was just pushing myself to "work harder."
In truth, I want to make my home more comfortable.
I don't need new clothes; I want to rest peacefully for 10 minutes in the morning.
When I realized such a small wish, I felt like I had finally reached the starting line where I could be kind to myself.
🐒Are humans the only ones who have separated themselves from their "self"?
Triggered by this experience, a question I had been thinking about for a long time surfaced again.
Why is it that only humans have become so disconnected from the 'ego (the self I want to show)' and the 'subconscious (the real me)'?
In 'Why Is Sex Fun?', Jared Diamond explains the uniqueness of human sexual behavior through the lens of evolutionary history.
I believe that, in the same way, there is an evolutionary reason for the separation of the human mind.
And I suspect that the reason lies in the 'mirror'.
🪞 The separation born from mirrors
Until we saw a mirror, what we saw with our eyes was simply 'ourselves'.
The blueness of the sky, the movement of our hands, and the sensations of our bodies—the world and ourselves were continuous and one.
However, from the moment we saw our reflection in a mirror,
humans began to separate 'themselves from the world'.
'You' and 'I'.
Could it be that the division between these two was a separation created by the tool known as the mirror?
If I and the world were one.
I can easily imagine that I would not have been this lonely.
❤️🔥 The Duality of Love
And one more thing.
I feel that love also has the power to create separation.
While love is a force that connects people, it is also a force that separates one's group from the outside world.
In terms of neuroscience, oxytocin (the bonding hormone) strongly binds members of a group together while simultaneously increasing exclusion and aggression toward outsiders.
Sometimes, we feel anxious because we care so much.
If that anxiety becomes too strong, we may end up trying to control our children or partners to make them do as we wish, even though we originally wanted to protect them.
This can sometimes lead to domestic violence or over-interference.
🪺 The Instinct to Protect the Nest and Oxytocin
Throughout evolutionary history, women have linked 'tidying the nest' with pleasure and peace of mind.
Tidying up the house and organizing the environment—these acts themselves become experiences of 'protecting one's own nest,' which triggers the secretion of oxytocin.
Even today, the feeling women have that 'tidying the house makes me feel at ease' is not just a matter of personality or hobby, but a natural reaction rooted in the nesting instinct.
Doing it yourself is a form of self-care for the brain, and it holds a completely different meaning than having someone else do it for you.
🦅 The Instinct to Fly Outside and Dopamine
On the other hand, men tend to find value in 'achieving results outside.'
Bringing back prey and demonstrating results earns them recognition from their peers.
The neurotransmitter that works at that time is dopamine, which reinforces achievement and pleasure.
Therefore, the order is different: for women, it is 'from peace of mind to challenge,' and for men, it is 'from results to peace of mind.'
This is not just a difference in personality, but something equipped as an evolutionary strategy.
Everything is geared toward leaving behind more descendants.
🚩Patriotism and Attachment
When the war in Russia began, I read a reporter's account of Putin's upbringing.
It depicted a strong love for protecting his family and his homeland.
"Why would someone with such strong love start a war?"
I wondered.
But now, I think this:
Perhaps it is precisely because his love is so strong that he cut off the outside world in order to "protect" himself, his family, and his homeland.
The fact that patriotism can look like attachment may be the very duality of oxytocin.
Summary
The mirror separates 'me and the world',
and love separates 'inside and outside'.
That separation creates ego, creates attachment, and sometimes even creates war.
But now, I think what I am learning is returning separation back to integration.
Cultivating peace of mind and producing results are both survival strategies.
Knowing that 'it is just a difference in order' might bring harmony to the home, to society, and to the world.