Why Relationships Shake When You Start to Change: What Happens with Those Around You When You Step Out of Your 'Usual Role' | Phase III | Episode 18

I have become able to value myself a little more.

I turned down an unreasonable request.

On days when I was tired, I rested early.

Instead of swallowing everything I wanted to say, I expressed it gently.

For once, I prioritized the sensations of my own body over someone else's expectations or mood.

That was a small change that occurred within me.

I did not intend to hurt anyone.

I did not intend to break any relationships either.

I simply made a choice that was a little different from before.

However, starting from that small change, an invisible tremor can sometimes arise between you and others.

"You've changed a bit lately."

"You didn't use to say things like that."

"Are you angry about something?"

"You were easier to talk to in the past."

"I feel like you've suddenly become cold."

The moment you receive those words from the other person, anxiety is born within you as well.

Was it better not to have refused after all?

Would it have been better to keep my true feelings to myself and keep smiling as I always had?

By trying to value myself, have I ended up hurting someone I care about?

Even though you thought you wanted to change, when your relationships start to shake, you feel the urge to return to your former self.

If you take on that role once more, the other person will feel at ease.

If you give in, the situation will settle down.

If you just smile silently, you can return to the atmosphere you had before.

Your body knows that method all too well.

This is because within human relationships, there are 'usual roles' that each person has acquired over a long period of time.

When one person's reaction changes, it is not just that person who changes.

The very shape of the entire relationship, which was maintained based on that reaction, also begins to change little by little.

In this episode, we will explore why your relationships with those around you shake when you start to change yourself.

We will consider the 'usual roles' you have carried in your family, workplace, and friendships, and what happens between your body and those relationships when you step out of them.

Layer 1 | Human relationships have unspoken 'usual roles'

Within families, workplaces, and friendships, there are roles that each person carries unconsciously.

The person who always listens to others.

The person who helps when someone is in trouble.

The person who brightens up the room.

The person who gives in when opinions clash.

The person who calms down those who are angry.

The person who never refuses a request.

The person who ends up taking on the work everyone else avoids.

The person who prioritizes the atmosphere of the moment over their own feelings.

These roles are not necessarily something that someone has officially decided.

They were not decided in a family meeting, nor are they written in workplace rules.

They are gradually formed through repeated reactions.

For example, there are people who have been reading their family's moods since they were children.

When someone becomes grumpy, they immediately try to brighten the mood.

When family members start arguing, they step in to calm things down.

Even when they are sad themselves, they put on a smile if those around them seem to be having a hard time.

As that reaction continues, that person becomes the 'one who keeps the peace' in the family.

It is the same in the workplace.

They never say no when asked.

They take on even sudden tasks.

They silently cover for someone else's mistakes.

They show a smile even when they are busy.

If that reaction continues, the view that 'if you ask this person, they will somehow manage it' is born.

In friendships, there are also people who are always the listener.

They listen to the other person's worries for hours on end.

Even when they try to talk about themselves, they immediately withdraw if the other person starts talking.

When the other person is feeling down, they encourage them even if they are tired themselves.

Eventually, within that relationship,

there is the talker and the listener.

The person who relies, and the person who supports.

The person who expresses emotions, and the person who absorbs them.

These forms become the norm.

Sometimes, that role suits the person.

There are cases where one enjoys helping others and finds no pain in being the listener.

However, there are also times when, rather than choosing the role, one felt there was no other option.

If I refuse, I will be disliked.

If I voice my opinion, the atmosphere will be ruined.

If I don't smile, someone will become grumpy.

If I am not useful, I will lose my value for being here.

When the body remembers such predictions, the role becomes more than just an action; it becomes a way to protect one's place.

The 'kind person'

The 'reliable person'

The 'person who never gets angry'

The 'person you can talk to about anything'

The 'person who can read the room'

By being seen that way by those around them, the individual also comes to accept that role as their own 'true self'.

Therefore, stepping out of a role is not just about changing one's behavior.

It can become an event that shakes one's sense of self, one's place, and even the connection with the other person.

Layer 2 | When one person changes, the predictions for the entire relationship begin to fail

Relationships continue while predicting the other person's reactions to a certain extent.

If I ask this person, they will take it on.

If I speak a little firmly, they will eventually give in.

If I show a displeased face, they will try to appease me.

If I tell them I am in trouble, they will act ahead of time to help.

If I start talking, they will listen until the end.

Neither the person themselves nor those around them are necessarily conscious of that flow.

However, when the same reaction continues for a long time, the body learns the flow of that relationship.

What kind of reply will come if I say something?

How will the situation move if I take a certain attitude?

Who gets angry, who stays silent, and who gives in at the end?

Through those predictions, the relationship maintains its familiar shape.

However, the person who always accepted requests, one day,

says,

"It's difficult today."

The person who was always silent,

says,

"I think it's a little different."

The person who always appeased the other person leaves the other's displeasure as it is.

The person who always put themselves last,

I want to prioritize my own plans today.

You say this.

For the person themselves, it is a small choice made to protect their own well-being.

However, for the other person, it becomes an event that defies their previous expectations.

They used to accept when asked, but now they have been refused.

They used to stay silent, but now they have expressed an opinion.

They used to try to cheer you up when you were in a bad mood, but now they do nothing.

They used to take action when you said you were in trouble, but this time they do not move.

As a result, a sense of unease arises within the other person as well.

Have I been disliked?

Have I made them angry?

Are they distancing themselves from me?

Can I no longer interact with them as I did before?

That confusion sometimes turns into words like:

You've changed.

You've become cold.

You weren't that kind of person before.

These are the words that can emerge.

Of course, there are cases where the other person intentionally tries to force you back into your previous role.

However, not all of these words necessarily stem from malice or a desire for control.

The other person is also accustomed to the form of the relationship as it has been.

They were unconsciously assuming that your previous reactions would continue to return.

Because that assumption has been removed, the other person may also be feeling a sense of unease.

One person's change does not end only within that person.

It also reaches the expectations of the other person who relied on that individual's reactions.

That is why, when you start to change, the entire relationship shakes a little.

Layer 3 | Within a family, roles can be tied to 'love'

Roles that have been carried within a family are particularly difficult to shed.

Families spend a long time together.

In relationships that have continued since childhood, there are times when you don't even know when that role began.

The reliable eldest son.

The daughter who never worries her family.

The child who listens to their parents.

The person who mediates between siblings.

The person who always rushes over when there is trouble.

The person who absorbs the family's complaints and anxieties.

Fulfilling that role can sometimes be an expression of love.

To help is to love.

Enduring is protecting the family.

Putting your own plans aside is being a dutiful child.

Taking on the other person's emotions is not abandoning them.

When your body remembers things that way, changing your role feels like reducing your love.

For example, your parent calls you frequently.

Before, even if you were busy, you would listen to them for a long time every time.

Even when you were tired, you would absorb your parent's anxiety.

However, one day,

"I'm tired today, so I'll listen to the rest tomorrow."

you say.

Looking only at the words, it is not cold content.

You haven't cut off the relationship either.

Even so, after hanging up the phone, you may feel a strong sense of guilt.

You feel as if you have abandoned your parent.

You feel as if you are not being a dutiful child.

You feel as if you are trying to take it easy only for yourself.

And if your parent says,

"You used to listen to me more before,"

your body immediately wants to return to its original role.

However, love that can only be shown by wearing yourself down every time will not last long.

Listening to someone is not the same as taking on all of their anxieties.

Helping someone is not the same as losing your own life.

Caring for someone is not the same as always responding to their demands.

Because we are family, I must not say no.

Because we are family, I must endure it.

Because we are family, my own feelings can come later.

Sometimes, it is necessary to re-examine whether those rules are truly needed for who you are now.

Changing your role is not the same as denying your love for your family.

It may be about reshaping the way you interact with them so that you, too, can be part of the family without strain.

Layer 4 | It becomes painful to keep being the 'capable person' at work

At work, roles are easily tied to ability and evaluation.

The person who never says no when asked to do a job.

The person who agrees to sudden overtime.

The person who silently covers for someone else's absence.

The person who never complains, even with difficult projects.

The person who takes on the work everyone else avoids.

Such people are relied upon by those around them.

They are sometimes praised for it.

The person themselves may even feel joy in being needed.

However, when the line between being relied upon and taking on everything becomes blurred, the body gradually begins to tire.

Helping others even when your own work isn't finished.

Coming in to work on your day off even when you want to rest.

Unable to say something is difficult, trying to handle everything yourself.

Thinking that if you refuse, you will be seen as incompetent.

Thinking that if you say you are struggling, your evaluation will drop.

Thinking that if you are no longer asked for help, you will lose your value.

When you have such anxieties, you cannot step down from the role of the 'capable person'.

One day, you review your workload,

and say,

'This week is difficult for me.'

'I would like this part to be shared with someone else.'

When you communicate this,

you may be told by those around you,

'You used to do it before.'

'You haven't been very cooperative lately.'

'Is something wrong?'

Hearing those words, you feel as if you have started to become lazy.

You feel like your abilities have declined compared to your former self.

You feel like you are causing trouble for others.

However, the workload that was maintained by pushing yourself until now was not necessarily appropriate for you.

It is possible that the presence of someone who took on everything allowed those around them to remain unaware of the imbalance in the workload.

When one person stops overextending themselves, the imbalances in the workplace that were previously invisible can sometimes come to light.

Who was the work piling up on?

Who had been continuously compensating for someone else's shortcomings?

Which tasks were being maintained solely by an individual's goodwill?

It is not that changing your role caused a problem.

It may be that problems which had been hidden by that person's patience have finally surfaced.

Layer 5 | In friendships, a sense of loneliness arises when the distance changes.

Friendships also have patterns that have lasted for a long time.

The person who always invites, and the person who is invited.

The person who talks, and the person who listens.

The person who confides their troubles, and the person who offers encouragement.

The person who initiates contact frequently, and the person who replies immediately.

People who complain together.

People who repeat the same way of spending time together.

Previously, that relationship might have felt comfortable.

Talking until late at night was fun.

Listening to someone's problems for hours did not feel like a burden.

Meeting in the same way every week felt natural.

However, when your own life or sensibilities change, the same distance as before may no longer fit.

I want to rest early at night.

I have started to feel tired after listening to people's problems for a long time.

I can no longer join in on conversations that consist only of complaints as easily as I used to.

I have also started to value spending time alone.

So, I stop rushing to reply.

The number of days I decline invitations increases.

I cut long phone calls short.

I reduce the frequency of meeting up a little.

From the other person's perspective, they might feel like I am distancing myself.

"You haven't been very social lately, have you?"

"Are you angry at me about something?"

"You used to talk to me more than this."

When I hear those words, I feel a sense of loneliness myself.

I feel like it is my fault for not being able to interact the way I used to.

I feel like I am the only one changing, leaving the other person behind.

Sometimes I even feel like I am denying our precious memories.

However, a change in distance is not the same as no longer caring about the other person.

A relationship that was maintained by talking every day might now be satisfied with a conversation once a month.

A relationship might evolve into one where you can exchange words when necessary, without having to spend hours listening to advice.

There are also relationships where you can respect each other's changes without continuing to spend time in the same way.

On the other hand, there are relationships that cannot continue without the previous roles.

If I stop being the listener, the conversation doesn't continue.

If I don't initiate the invitation every time, the connection breaks.

If I don't accept the other person's emotions, I get blamed.

Only then can you sometimes see what was keeping the relationship together.

Change does not happen to destroy relationships.

Sometimes the previous form shakes in order to find a distance that suits who you are now.

Layer 6 | Guilt is not necessarily proof that you have hurt someone

When you step out of a role, guilt is born.

After turning down a request, the other person's expression won't leave your mind.

After expressing your true feelings, you keep thinking about whether you said it the wrong way.

When you don't get involved in someone else's problems, you feel like you've abandoned them.

When you say you won't meet because you're tired, you feel like you're the only one taking it easy.

This guilt can sometimes arise because you actually hurt the other person.

Your words were too harsh.

You lacked consideration for the other person.

You should rethink how you communicate.

There are cases like that, too.

However, just because you feel guilty does not necessarily mean your choice was wrong.

Sometimes, your body is sounding an alarm because you have stepped outside the 'methods of maintaining relationships' that you have used until now.

If I endure it, the other person won't get angry.

If I take it on, I won't be disliked.

If I back down, the relationship won't break.

If I appease the other person, I can stay there feeling secure.

Your body may have avoided danger many times using those methods.

Therefore, when you choose a different reaction,

I will be disliked if I continue like this.

The relationship will end.

I will be alone.

I will lose my value.

These old predictions begin to stir.

Guilt can sometimes appear alongside those predictions.

Setting boundaries is not the same as rejecting the other person.

Refusing what you cannot do.

Telling them you don't have the capacity right now.

Listening to the other person's feelings without taking on the burden of everything.

Separating your problems from theirs.

Not rushing your response.

On days when you are tired, shorten the time you spend interacting.

This is not because you do not value the other person.

It is also an adjustment to maintain the relationship without losing yourself.

When feelings of guilt arise,

try separating them by asking,

"Did I truly hurt the other person?" or "Is my body just surprised that I chose a different reaction than usual?"

and looking at them separately.

If your way of communicating needs adjustment, then adjust it.

However, you do not need to return to your previous role just to erase that guilt.

Layer 7 | Forces may work to try and revert the relationship

When one person's reaction changes, forces may work to try and return the relationship to its previous form.

"You were never the type of person to say things like that."

"You've become selfish lately."

"Haven't you been influenced by someone?"

"I want you to go back to how you were before."

When you receive words like these, it feels as though your change is being denied.

And, to put the other person at ease, you may want to return to your previous role.

Accepting a request once again.

Withdrawing your own opinion.

Acting more cheerful than necessary to show that you are not angry.

You act preemptively so that the other person doesn't become unhappy.

By doing so, the situation settles down temporarily.

The other person also feels at ease.

Your own guilt also weakens a little.

However, every time you suppress your own feelings to do this, the new you cannot find a place within the relationship.

When you are alone, you can cherish yourself.

But when you are with others, you return to your former self.

If that state continues,

between the desire to live as your true self,

and the desire not to lose the relationship,

you will be greatly shaken.

Of course, you don't need to assert yourself strongly in every relationship.

It is important to adjust your words and distance depending on the situation with the other person.

However, adjusting is different from erasing yourself.

Communicate while being considerate of the other person.

Also express gratitude for the help you have received until now.

Instead of changing everything suddenly, create a new form little by little.

There are such methods as well.

What is important is that at the moment the other person is bewildered,

"I was wrong after all"

is not to decide.

The other person's confusion may arise because they are not yet accustomed to the new relationship.

Just as you need time to adjust, there are times when the other person also needs time to adjust.

Layer 8 | Relationships that remain, relationships that change form, and relationships that drift away

Even if you start to change, not all relationships will break.

There are relationships that, while shaking a little, change into a new form.

Even if the other person is surprised immediately after you decline, after a while,

"I see, it's not possible today."

they will come to accept it.

Even if you express an opinion you previously kept silent about,

"So that's what you were thinking."

they will come to be able to discuss it with you.

Even if the number of times you meet decreases, you will be able to respect that distance.

Even if you don't help with everything, you will be able to support each other only when necessary.

In such relationships, even if the previous roles change, the connection remains.

A little bit of space begins to emerge in the very form of the relationship.

On the other hand, there are relationships where the distance suddenly widens when you step down from your previous role.

Relationships that only lasted because you were the one who took on everything.

Relationships that were maintained because you were the one who endured.

Relationships that only lasted because you continued to prioritize the other person's feelings.

When you stop being the listener, they stop contacting you.

When you refuse to help, you are blamed.

When you express your opinion, they act as if they are going to cut ties with you.

At that moment, you might feel as though your change has broken the relationship.

However, if the relationship was only maintained by your own strain, its foundation may have been unstable from the start.

It may not have been broken by the change, but rather made visible by it.

That does not mean you should simply cut ties easily.

For important relationships, there are times when you cannot reach a conclusion immediately.

Can it be adjusted through discussion?

Is it just temporary confusion?

If you take a little break, can you interact in a different way?

Is there something that hasn't been communicated to the other person?

You need to take the time to observe.

Even so, you do not need to play your old role forever in a relationship that only continues if you erase yourself.

Protecting a relationship and losing yourself are not the same thing.

Layer 9 | Until the New You Creates a Place Among Others

It takes time for the changed you to settle into your relationships.

At first, you will feel nervous every time you say no.

Every time you express your true feelings, you worry that you might be disliked.

When the other person becomes unhappy, you immediately want to apologize.

When you prioritize your own schedule, you feel like you have become selfish.

There are days when you return to your previous role.

Even though you intended to refuse, you end up accepting.

Even though you intended to speak your mind, you swallow your words again.

Even though you intended to distance yourself, you end up taking on the other person's anxiety.

Each time that happens,

you might think,

'I really cannot change after all.'

However, just because you returned to your previous reaction does not mean that all your changes have disappeared.

You noticed yourself being unable to refuse.

Your body told you that you pushed yourself too hard again.

You were able to feel a sense of discomfort that you would not have felt before.

That realization is also already a part of the change.

A new form of relationship is not necessarily completed in a single conversation.

Refuse a little.

Express a little.

Delegate a little.

Distance yourself a little.

And then, observe the other person's reaction.

Observe your own body's reaction as well.

Adjust your words if necessary.

Even so, do not withdraw your own feelings entirely.

Through this repetition, the new you will create a place for yourself among others.

The other person will also learn a new way of interacting with you.

They are not someone who will always respond if you ask.

However, they will help when they are able to.

They are not someone who will silently accept whatever you say.

However, you can discuss things with each other.

They are not someone who will always prioritize you.

However, you can build a relationship where you both value each other.

A new relationship may sometimes be a little less convenient than before.

The other person's wishes will no longer always be met.

You, too, will no longer adjust to everything the other person reacts with.

However, within that inconvenience, space is created to see each other as individual human beings.

Instead of connecting only through roles, you interact as people with different feelings and circumstances.

It takes a little time for your body to get used to that form.

The shaking of human relationships is born when changes begin to reach reality.

When your own reactions change, relationships can sometimes shake.

Refusing things you always used to take on.

Speaking up about things you had kept silent.

Stopping the habit of anticipating and managing others' emotions.

Stopping the habit of forcing yourself to smile.

Gradually placing your own body and feelings into the relationship.

When you do this, the 'usual form' that had been maintained until then begins to change.

Those around you may feel bewildered.

You may be told that you have become cold.

You may receive words that sound as if they want you to return to your former self.

You yourself may feel guilty and wonder if it would have been better not to change after all.

However, you do not have to decide that the change was wrong just by looking at that instability.

The fact that someone is not used to the new you is not the same as you being wrong.

The fact that a relationship has shaken is not the same as the relationship having ended.

There are forms of relationships that can only be seen once you step down from your previous roles.

Relationships that continue without having to force yourself.

Relationships where you can talk things through even when you express differences.

Relationships where you can respect each other even if the distance is different than before.

And there are also relationships where you realize they could only be maintained by continuing to play a role.

As long as the change is only inside your own head, human relationships do not shake that much.

It is only when you actually start to refuse, take breaks, speak up, and choose your distance that the change truly spreads into reality.

Therefore, the shaking of human relationships is not necessarily proof that your new self is wrong.

It may be a shaking that arises because your new self has begun to create a place for itself in reality.

You do not have to return to your previous role immediately.

You can take some time to observe both the other person's confusion and your own feelings of guilt.

Distinguish between cherishing others and erasing yourself.

Distinguish between helping and carrying everything on your shoulders.

Distinguish between taking distance and rejecting the other person.

As you begin to see those distinctions little by little, the number of reactions you can choose within a relationship will increase.

There is no need to deny the relationships that your former self protected.

There were times when you protected them by enduring.

There were days when you kept the atmosphere going by smiling.

There were times when you helped someone by taking on their burdens.

There may have been periods you were able to overcome precisely because you had those reactions.

However, a role that was necessary in the past is not necessarily necessary for your current self.

Back then, you protected the relationship in that form.

Now, you are looking for a different form where you can also be comfortable.

When viewed in that way, change is no longer a battle against your past self or your loved ones.

It becomes a time to learn a new distance where you can interact with others without losing yourself.

Thank you for reading this far.

This time, I have organized why human relationships shake when you start to change.

When the other person's reaction changes, it is okay not to blame yourself immediately.

Amidst that instability,

'What role have I been playing in this relationship?'

'What have I been protecting through that role?'

'Is that role still necessary for me now?'

Please try pausing to ask yourself these questions.

Words you would have swallowed before.

Requests you would have taken on before.

Someone else's emotions that you would have thought were your responsibility before.

Being able to step back from those things a little is also part of the change.

It takes a little time for a new form to emerge in your relationships with others.

Right now, both you and the other person may still be in the process of getting used to a new distance.

Thank you for reading this far.

This time, I have organized why even human relationships shake when you start to change yourself.

Refusing things you always took on.

Expressing your thoughts instead of swallowing what you want to say.

Not carrying all of someone else's emotions as your own responsibility.

Taking a little distance when you are tired.

These may be small changes for you.

However, for those around you, these are events where the reactions that were taken for granted no longer return.

Because of that,

"You've changed."

"You never used to say things like that."

"I feel like you've become cold."

You may be told things like this.

When you receive such words, you might feel as though trying to value yourself was a mistake.

If you return to your previous role, the situation will settle down.

If you take it on once more, the other person will feel at ease.

If you give in, the relationship will return to its former shape.

Your body knows that method well.

However, the fact that a relationship has shaken and the fact that your change is wrong are not the same thing.

The reason those around you are confused may be because the "usual role" that has continued within your relationship until now has started to change.

Just as you need time to get used to your new reactions, the other person may also need time to get used to a new form of relationship.

You do not need to cut off all relationships.

You do not need to have everyone understand you either.

I simply believe that you do not have to keep protecting a form of relationship that can only continue if you erase yourself.

A relationship that continues even if you say no.

A relationship where you can talk things through even if you express a different opinion.

A relationship where you can value each other even if the distance is different than before.

By changing yourself, you may find that such new ways of connecting come into view.

If this article has given you a moment to pause when your relationships with others feel shaky, thinking,

'Perhaps it is not because I am wrong, but because the shape of the relationship is trying to change,'

then this episode has fulfilled its purpose.

Words you would have swallowed before.

Requests you would have accepted before.

Someone else's emotions you would have shouldered yourself before.

Being able to step back from those things a little is already part of the change.

It is okay if you do not return to your previous role right away.

Right now, both you and the other person may still be in the middle of learning this new distance.

This was another long piece, but thank you so much for staying with me until the end.

Next Issue Preview | Phase III Episode 19

Why Guilt Arises When You Create Distance

-- The Boundary Between Cherishing Others and Protecting Yourself

You realize you are pushing yourself too hard in a relationship and try to create a little distance.

Not replying immediately.

Not giving advice on every single matter.

Not accepting every invitation.

Not shouldering the other person's mood as your own responsibility.

Sometimes, just doing that can make your body feel a little more at ease.

However, immediately after creating that distance,

You may feel guilty, thinking, "Have I abandoned them?"

"Have I become a cold-hearted person?"

"Am I just trying to make things easier for myself?"

Such feelings of guilt can arise.

Why does the distance we create to protect ourselves feel like an act that hurts others?

Why do we link caring for someone with putting ourselves last?

Next time, we will explore the guilt that arises when setting boundaries and how to protect yourself without rejecting others.

[Summary]

In this episode, we examined why relationships become unstable when you start to change.

In families, workplaces, and friendships, there are "usual roles" that each person has adopted over a long period of time.

The one who listens.

The one who takes on requests.

The one who brightens the mood.

The one who calms down angry people.

The one who gives in at the end.

These roles are not just behaviors; they can sometimes be ways of protecting one's place and the safety of the relationship.

Therefore, when the person who always accepted requests starts saying no, the person who was silent starts expressing opinions, or the person who was appeasing others steps down from that role, the predictability of the entire relationship begins to falter.

From those around you, you might hear:

"You've changed."

"You didn't use to say things like that before."

You may be told that you have "become cold."

However, the fact that those around you are confused does not mean that your change is wrong.

The other person is also accustomed to the previous form of the relationship, so there are times when they do not know how to take your new reactions.

Also, when you step out of a role, a strong sense of guilt can arise.

Feeling like you did something wrong after turning down a request.

Replaying a conversation over and over after expressing your true feelings.

Feeling like you have abandoned someone when you stop carrying their problems for them.

However, that guilt is not necessarily proof that you have hurt the other person.

It is possible that an old alarm is sounding because you have deviated from the "way of protecting the relationship" that your body has used until now.

Setting boundaries is not the same as rejecting the other person.

Declining what you cannot do.

Communicating that you are tired.

Not carrying all of the other person's emotions.

Thinking about your problems and the other person's problems separately.

These are not actions to discard a relationship, but rather adjustments to continue the relationship without losing yourself.

There are relationships that change into a different form than before because you have changed.

On the other hand, you may also see relationships that cannot continue unless you play your previous role.

The shaking of human relationships is not necessarily proof that your new self is wrong.

It may be a shaking that arises because your change has begun to reach not just inside your head, but into the reality of your relationships.

It may be a shaking that arises because your change has begun to reach not just inside your head, but into the reality of your relationships.

It is okay if you do not return to your original role right away.

Right now, both you and the other person may still be in the process of getting used to a new distance and a new form of relationship.