"Words that saved me when I was panicking, thinking 'I'm causing trouble for everyone...'" Parenting Diary
Inside my heart,
(Why can't you do it! You can usually do this!!)
were swirling around in abundance.
My son was a bit slow to start speaking,
so he has been attending speech therapy classes since the middle of age two.
He has started to say many words now,
and the teachers are wonderful, so we are still attending those classes.
From age four, he has been participating not only in individual lessons,
but also in group lessons with two to four other children.
It was during last week's group lesson in that environment...
My son wouldn't go into the classroom for a long time.
Even when I managed to get him in, he couldn't focus...
And because of my son, the other children started losing focus too...
Inside my heart,
(Why can't you do it! You can usually do this!!)
were swirling around in abundance.
At speech therapy,
where I am usually relatively (haha) patient,
(There are other friends here, I have to get him into the classroom quickly!
I have to get him back on track!)
I was trapped by those thoughts.
And so, I ended up forcing him into the classroom halfway.
(Moms are allowed to join the classroom if they wish.)
That day,
ended in a bit of a mess.
On days like that, I feel sad.
I reflect on how I had even less patience than usual.
After getting home,
"I'm sorry about today.
Mommy was panicking.
I panicked and spoke harshly to you, my son.
I'm sorry."
I apologized.
Then my son said,
"It's okay.
I'm sorry too, Mommy.
I was tired.
That's why I wanted to go home."
He told me that.
My son wouldn't go into the classroom on his own no matter what I said,
and even when he did go in, he wouldn't sit down.
(You were tired, weren't you?
I'm sorry I panicked on my own.)
I thought from the bottom of my heart.
The next day was his private lesson day.
The teachers had handmade dinosaur teaching materials that my son loves.
My son also went into the classroom with a big smile.
And to my surprise,
he was relaxed, smiling, listening to the teacher,
having conversations, and taking the lesson.
During the time to talk with the teacher at the end of the lesson,
I told her that I had panicked strangely yesterday,
and that I thought I shouldn't cause trouble because it was a group class.
Then the teacher said,
"Please don't worry about it at all!
Just because it's a group class, the timing for him to join
can be at his own pace.
Even adults have times when they don't feel like it, so
it's even more so for children.
When he doesn't feel like it, let him go at his own pace.
You don't need to think about the other children or the teachers.
I will follow up with the other children."
She told me that.
I am the type of person who is very concerned about the 'other person'.
'I'm causing trouble for the teacher and my friends. I have to make sure I do things properly when others are involved.'
Then the teacher said, gently but clearly,
It's fine to go at my son's pace
She told me that. I felt a sudden sense of relief.
I feel bad for his friends, but for now, I will let him go at his own pace. I will let him enter the classroom at his own timing.
Once I thought that, my anxiety disappeared before I knew it.
When you're raising children, don't you often worry, 'Am I causing trouble for those around me?' But if you don't panic and look around calmly, you might find helping hands or kind words. If you panic, you might lose sight of them.
This time, the teacher's words helped me realize that. And I am grateful for such a wonderful teacher and friends.
Thank you for reading until the end.
いいなと思ったら応援しよう！
読んでいただきありがとうございます。
少しでもあなたの心に響くものがありますように。
応援していただけると嬉しいです。