"Not knowing what you're anxious about" is the most dangerous thing. 3 steps to relieve anxiety that you can try right now
What are you feeling anxious about tonight?
Money for old age, caring for parents, your own health. When you try to put it into words, it doesn't come together well. But, you feel vaguely afraid. You've spent years with that "vague" feeling—I want people like that to read this article today.
"Not knowing what you're anxious about" is the most dangerous thing. 3 steps to relieve anxiety that you can try right now
You finish work and go home.
You eat dinner and take a bath.
When you get into bed, it suddenly pops into your head.
"Is it okay to just keep going like this?"
You can't quite say what you're anxious about. But, you've felt vaguely afraid for a long time. When you start thinking about your parents' old age or your own future, your head feels heavy, and before you know it, you cover it up by saying, "Well, it'll probably work out somehow."
Do you have nights like that too?
This doesn't mean your will is weak, or your heart is weak. On the contrary, you are able to feel anxious precisely because you are thinking seriously about the future.
However, there is one problem.
It is that you are leaving that anxiety "vague."
The true nature of anxiety was the fear of "things unseen"
Psychologically speaking, anxiety is an "emotional reaction to the uncertainty of the future."
But let's rephrase it more simply.
Anxiety is scary because it's invisible. That's all.
For example, when walking in a dark room, people feel scared. But the moment you turn on the light, that fear disappears. It's not because you know there was nothing in the room. It's because you can "see," so you can feel at ease.
Anxiety about the future is the same as this.
The anxiety that your parents might develop dementia. The anxiety that you might not have enough money for old age. These are scary because their concrete forms are not visible.
The moment you can see "when, what, and how much," anxiety turns into a "task." Once it becomes a task, it can be solved. The moment you feel it can be solved, your mind becomes lighter.
This is the essence of relieving anxiety.
Step 1 | Write down the "true nature" of your anxiety on paper
First, there is something I want you to do.
Please write down the anxiety you are feeling right now on paper.
It doesn't matter if it's on your smartphone, computer, or in a notebook. Just getting what's in your head out into the open is enough.
For example, like this.
・When my parents develop dementia, who will take care of them?
・Will I really have enough money for retirement?
・If I get sick, what will happen to my job?
・How can I balance my child's education expenses with my own retirement savings?
When you write it down, you might notice something.
"Oh, so this is what I was afraid of."
As long as it's in your head, anxiety is one big lump. But when you write it down, it breaks into several "specific worries." The moment it breaks down, it becomes a little easier to breathe. That is the first step.
Step 2 | Narrow it down to "how many years from now, and what exactly are you afraid of"
Let's dig a little deeper into the anxiety you wrote down.
The point is to clarify the timeline and the specific details.
For example, if you have the anxiety of "worrying about my parents," rephrase it like this.
"How many years from now, and specifically what about it, are you afraid of?"
・When your parent turns 75, will they be able to continue living alone?
・When a dementia diagnosis is given, which is more realistic: a care facility or home care?
・When nursing care becomes necessary, how much will it cost?
By breaking it down like this, "something scary" turns into "a problem that can be solved."
The human brain triggers a defensive instinct against vague things. But once it becomes concrete, it immediately enters a "state where it can be thought about." In psychology, this is called "cognitive clarification."
The more detailed it becomes, the easier it is to handle. This is the second step to relieving anxiety.
Step 3 | The ultimate solution: "Having a heart-to-heart talk with your parents"
This is the most important point.
Many people have never discussed their parents' future with them.
"It feels like it might be a heavy conversation," "They might dislike it," "I feel like it's still too early."
As a result of putting it off like that, when the time comes, a situation arises where you realize, "I didn't know anything about my parent's feelings or wishes."
Let me tell you a story about a family.
Mr. A is a company employee in his 50s. His mother lived alone. He had been worried for a long time, thinking, "What if she gets dementia?" but he couldn't bring himself to talk about it. Then one day, his mother fell and was hospitalized. That was the first time an opportunity arose to discuss whether she wanted to enter a facility or spend her time at home.
His mother said quietly, "I wish we had talked about this sooner."
This conversation reduced Mr. A's anxiety by more than half in an instant. Because his mother's "wishes" became visible. Because they were visible, he could prepare. Because he could prepare, he was no longer afraid.
The things you should discuss with your parents are as follows:
・The person's own intentions: Facility or home? Where and how do they want to live?
・Property and assets: The status of savings, real estate, and insurance.
・Emergency contacts and medical policy: If they become unable to make decisions, who will decide and how?
・End-of-life notes: Are they written? Where are they kept?
Just by knowing these things, future anxiety turns into "manageable tasks."
Anxiety doesn't need to disappear. Aim to "tame" it
I want to share one important thing with you here.
You cannot completely eliminate anxiety.
In fact, the ability to feel anxiety is an instinct that protects you. It is an emotion for sensing danger and preparing for it. You shouldn't get rid of it.
What you should aim for is not to eliminate anxiety, but to tame it.
To be able to treat it as a "properly named task" rather than "something unknown." If you can do that, anxiety will become your "guidepost."
It turns into a compass that tells you what you need to prepare.
Vague fear turns into concrete action.
That is the true meaning of "freeing yourself from future anxiety."
Summary | Please try this for just 5 minutes tonight
You don't have to try to eliminate your anxiety.
Just give it a name.
1. Write down the anxiety you are feeling right now on paper
2. Narrow it down to "what exactly are you afraid of, and how many years from now?"
3. Have a heart-to-heart talk with your parents or someone important to you
That is all you need to do. You don't have to do it perfectly. Just taking the first step is enough.
The anxiety you are feeling right now is proof that you are thinking seriously about the future. That feeling is correct. You just didn't know how to "handle" it yet.
If you can see it, it won't be scary. If you talk about it, it will feel lighter. If you take action, things will change.
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