3 Reasons Why I Stopped Trying to Be Liked and Somehow Started Being Told 'I Want to See You Again' 10 Times More Often

The failure story of 'me,' the former consideration monster

The old me was truly a 'consideration monster'.

If a silence fell, I would panic and bring up random topics just to keep talking, and if the other person looked unhappy, I would desperately play the clown to entertain them. My own opinions were secondary; I spent every day constantly reading the room and adjusting to others.

But despite all that effort, what I ended up with was a silent distance from others who saw me as 'someone who is exhausting to be around'.
One day, I was told something by a close friend that I still cannot forget.

'I feel kind of nervous when I'm with you. I can tell you're always trying so hard to be considerate, and it makes me feel bad.'

It was a shock, like being hit in the head with a hammer.

The 'ultimate service' I thought I was providing out of kindness was actually the very thing making the other person feel uncomfortable and burdened.

From that point on, I fundamentally re-evaluated my rules for human relationships.

And then I realized.
People who are truly told 'I want to see you again' don't use special conversation techniques or high-level consideration.
Rather, they are simply quietly practicing 'three habits of subtraction' that strip away unnecessary effort.

The 'you' who should read this article, and the future you will gain

This article is written for 'you' if you have the following concerns:

* After meeting people, you feel a wave of exhaustion and end up holding a self-reflection meeting alone.

* You are afraid of silence, so you always try to find topics yourself and end up spinning your wheels.

* You end up playing the 'good person' and find yourself in relationships where you are taken advantage of.

If you read this article to the end, you will be able to completely let go of 'strenuous consideration'.
Without having to force yourself to put on a show, you will naturally be loved, with people saying, 'I feel calm when I'm with you' and 'I want to see you again soon,' just by being yourself.

However, if you are looking for 'techniques to manipulate others as you wish' or 'magic to be 100% liked by everyone,' please close this page now.
What I am sharing are simple but essential habits for building genuine human relationships where both parties can remain equal and natural.

Habit 1: Do not try to change the other person (Abandoning control)

People who are easy to be around do not spend even a millimeter of energy trying to 'change' the person in front of them.

[Wall] The arrogance disguised as kindness: 'I have to give them advice'

When someone is struggling or expresses an opinion different from their own, most people can't help but try to guide them in the 'right' direction, saying things like, 'But you know, it's easier if you think about it this way,' or 'You really should do this instead.'

However, from the other person's perspective, this feels like being rejected, as if they are being told, 'The way you are right now is wrong.'

【The Opposite Choice】 Abandon advice and 'just accept'

People who are comfortable to be around make choices that go against common sense.

No matter how different someone's values are from their own, they never try to win an argument or offer unsolicited advice.

“I see, so that’s how it looks from your perspective.”

“I see, that’s one way of thinking about it.”

That is all. You don't even need to agree with their opinion. You simply acknowledge their existence by saying, 'So that’s how you feel.'

I used to passionately lecture friends who were struggling, saying, 'If you just did this, it would be solved!' but I stopped doing that entirely.
I just listen quietly and nod, saying, 'I see, that must have been tough.'

And what happens?
The other person opens up on their own, and they’ve even cried with joy, telling me, 'Talking to you makes my heart feel lighter.'
People come to see you seeking 'a sense of security,' not 'logical arguments.'

Habit 2: Don't force yourself to fill the silence (Sharing the atmosphere)

Those 'awkward few seconds' when a conversation lapses—do you panic and start talking about unnecessary things?

【The Wall】 The fear that 'if I don't keep talking, I'll be disliked'

Many people who get exhausted by human relationships view silence as 'bad.'
Driven by the fear that 'a lapse in conversation means I'm boring them,' they end up self-destructing by bringing up random news or self-deprecating jokes that benefit no one.

【The Opposite Choice】 Offer silence as a 'comfortable space'

People who are truly loved are not afraid of silence.
Instead, they enjoy quiet moments as 'proof that we can exist together in peace.'

When a conversation suddenly stops at a cafe, instead of forcing words, I just drink my coffee slowly while looking out the window together. Even if the other person is looking at their phone, I read a book or enjoy the scenery, without encroaching on each other's space.

When I let go of the need to 'fill the silence,' my relationships changed drastically.

When the anxiety of 'I have to say something' disappears, unnecessary tension leaves my facial expressions, and a relaxed atmosphere flows through the entire space.
The other person, too, can finally drop their guard and breathe.

A relationship that works without the need to keep talking is the ultimate space for adult relaxation.

Habit 3: Don't let 'thank you' and 'I'm sorry' pile up (Immediate emotional settlement)

People who are comfortable to be around never carry over 'emotional debts' in their relationships to the next day.

[The Wall] The indulgence of thinking 'I'll say it later' or 'They should be able to guess'

When you miss the timing to express gratitude or an apology, a small 'cloudiness' is born in your heart.

'I didn't properly thank them for paying for me back then...'

'I wonder if I said that a bit too harshly...'

When these small feelings of unease pile up, a mysterious psychological hurdle (awkwardness) is created the next time you meet.

[The Opposite Choice] Convey it on the spot, briefly and concisely

People who are easy to be with are thorough about 'immediate responses' for both gratitude and apologies.

The moment someone does something for you, say, 'Thank you! I'm so happy.'

If you think you caused even the slightest inconvenience, say, 'I'm sorry, I'll be more careful.'

You don't need grand speeches of gratitude or heavy, serious letters of apology. Just lightly place a few words into the atmosphere of the moment.

Ever since I started being conscious of 'immediate settlement of gratitude and apologies,' friction in my relationships has dropped to zero. Because there is no emotional debt, you can always say 'Let's meet again' in a flat, relaxed state.

Perspective Shift: Stop aiming to be a 'good person' and become a 'space with room for others'

I have one question for you who have read this far.

Is the person you love and want to see again a perfect person?

Are they someone who is always sharp, has no flaws, and provides perfect hospitality?

That's probably not the case, right?

Aren't they someone who is a bit clumsy, can laugh through the silence, and reveals their own weaknesses?

We get tired when we are with a perfect 'good person.' This is because when the other person responds with a 100-point performance, we feel like we have to return a 100-point performance ourselves.

What you should aim for is not to be a 'professional at being considerate'.

It is to become a 'space with room for imperfection' where the other person can think, 'Maybe it's okay to be my slightly uncool self in front of this person.'

Do not try to change the other person, love silence, and do not bottle up your emotions.

By just performing these three subtractions, the 'unnecessary tension' around you will fade away.

Conclusion: The first step you can take right now

Thank you for reading until the end.

I am going to tell you something that might be hard to hear, but if you finish reading this article thinking, 'That was a good story,' nothing about you will change starting tomorrow.
You will just go back to your days of being exhausted from being too considerate of others,
and having a self-reflection meeting alone at night.

What changes human relationships is not knowledge, but 'just a little bit of action'.

Today, when you talk to someone.

Please try, for just one second, to accept silence without being afraid of it.

When you feel the urge to give advice in response to the other person's words, swallow that feeling and try nodding while saying, 'I see.'

That small subtraction will make your life surprisingly easier to live.

If this article was even a little bit helpful, please 'Like' or 'Save' it.

I will continue to deliver words that will make your heart feel lighter, so please follow and stay tuned.

May you and your loved ones have a comfortable time today as well.

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