One step forward, two steps back

Since accepting my son's refusal to go to school, his changes have felt like...

moving forward slowly, or perhaps moving backward...?

There are days when I feel anxious as a parent, but this is a record of the days I spent seriously facing my son ✍🏻

Progress and retreat

Since the day he ran away from school, my son has been finding reasons to say,
"I'm not going to school today."

Just when I thought he was able to eat school lunch the other day,
he ended up being absent for a while.

After a few days like that,
he told me, "It's hard to go to the counseling room."

Since he was scolded by the teacher for running away,
he might have felt awkward about it.

However, the teacher in the counseling room sent him letters and
asked him to show her the puzzle he finished,
so he was able to spend time without cutting off that connection.

I'm sure that if there hadn't been any contact or letters,
he would have drifted further away from school.

School is“a place you don't have to go to”but because of the dedicated support we received like this,
I think it changed into
“a place where it's okay to be”for my son.

Rather than growing step by step,

it felt like one step forward and two steps back, but
I definitely felt that changes were happeningin my son.

I am truly grateful to the teacher in the counseling room.

The same old tantrums and dependence on his mother

Whether it was an insect escaping, making a mistake while writing during study,
or a game not going the way he wanted...

He would also get angry at a small comment from his siblings.

Once he got angry, it was hard for him to calm down,

and he would say things like,
"I'm not eating breakfast!"
"I'm not brushing my teeth!"

"I'm not taking a bath!"

He would cry and scream, go to bed,
and sometimes end up falling asleep at odd hours.

Although there were times when he would kick, hit, or verbally abuse me,
on the other hand, around this time, he started saying "I don't want to be anywhere but with Mom!"
more and more often.

Even though the three brothers had always slept in the bedroom together,
my second son, Rio, would sneak into my bed,
and he would get angry if I didn't take a bath with him, saying "I won't go in unless you're with me!"

Whether he went to school or not,
my life was always spent with my second son.

I had no time to take a break.

For me, my children's happiness is the top priority.
While I understood that my child needed help right now,
I felt myself gradually becoming exhausted as the state of tension continued.

A change in the running away!!

He continued to leave the house when he got angry.

However, even amidst all that, there was growth 😳

Perhaps it was because he ran away from school and was scolded by the counselor,
but he stopped leaving the house property.

Even if he dashed out the front door,
he would calm down once he reached the backyard
and come back, which was growth.

Maybe my son felt in his heart that he was "cherished by everyone"!
Maybe invisible changes were happening little by little!
I thought happily.

I felt happy.
(Though he is still running away. lol)

It might be something that happens impulsively,
but I hoped that the feeling of "wanting to die" would fade away.

Doing what I can

Even when he went to school, at this point, 99% of the time it was just going to the counseling room,
and it was in the form of me accompanying him all the time.
(There were many times when there were no teachers at school, and we just spent time as mother and child 🤣)

Even so, he didn't stop going to school.

He was able to do his studies without any problems,
he could eat school lunch (sometimes),
and he could play with his friends.

I decided to just do what I could within my reach,
and try observing my son a little more.

As the time we spent together increased,
I found myself somehow understanding his thoughts more often.

When I predicted, "He might show interest if I invite him to this class💡",
and asked him,
there were times he would smoothly enter the classroom.
(There were also times when it didn't go well even after I asked him🫥)

The longest he was absent consecutively was the first seven days.
After that, he started attending three times a week more often.

Looking back now, it might have been a bit of a rough treatment
for my emotionally unstable son😅

However, I believe that this "not cutting off connections with people"
is what contributed to my son's mental stability.
Not just for my son, but for me as well.

School non-attendance, school refusal, attending the counseling room...
These are not the kinds of worries that are easy to talk to people about.

Watching a child take one step forward and two steps back,
I think there are times when you feel like giving up without seeing an end in sight.

That is exactly whya place to consult and a "safe space" for both mother and childis necessary.

And,"not cutting off connections with people"is,
I think, very important for parents who have children who refuse to go to school.

From where you can go, and only when you can go.
It's okay to go back or have times when you can't do it!!

I want to continue "doing what I can" without giving up🍀

I plan to write about where I sought advice when I faced school refusal,
and other things in future notes.

Thank you for reading until the end🍊