To Avoid Losing Your Loved Ones: What We Can Do

In our lives, we lose loved ones time and again.

This is something everyone has experienced.
There are various factors that cause people to part ways, such as job transfers, bereavement, and separation.

Each time, we have felt sadness and experienced countless regrets. There must have been days when you spent the worst nights and came to hate the morning light.

However, while some of those “partings” may have been unavoidable, were there not also some that could have been avoided?

If so, could you not have avoided exposing yourself to those waves of

regret
that come crashing down like ruminations?Today, let us consider those partings that could have been avoided, based on scientific evidence.

1 From the time you start dating someone you like until you break up

I want you to look back.

The day you started dating the person you had feelings for must have felt like you were ascending to heaven. At night, you must have recalled their face many times, repeated their name in your mind, and felt your heart tremble at the future you envisioned.

To put it in a word, it was the “pinnacle of joy”.

Next, I want you to remember the day you first held hands. Deep in your heart, there must have been a feeling of "I can't believe it" or "Why me?" And, like a medieval knight, you must have silently vowed in your heart, "I will protect this happiness for the rest of my life."

Just having them by your side made the world look bright and beautiful. There is no doubt about that.

But it is cruel.
Humans are creatures that “get used to things”. Being together goes from being a “miracle” to being “taken for granted”.

You start to feel dissatisfied just because a LINE reply is a little late. When your holiday plans didn't align, you would have gone out of your way to meet them at first, but now, under the guise of “mutual respect”, you don't even bother to adjust your schedules anymore. You start to feel a gap in each other's values, and eventually, the number of conversations decreases.

Gradually, the sense of gratitude disappears, and dissatisfaction with the other person accumulates. Even though you don't want to say it, harsh words come out unintentionally.

"Why are you always like that?"
"You should understand at least that much!"
"I don't feel anything from you lately!"

＿＿Those are words directed at someone you once poured your love into.

Small emotional mismatches pile up, and before you know it, one of you whispers in your heart, “Maybe it's impossible with this person”.

The limit of patience is reached one day suddenly, and words of parting spill out. But in reality, it was just the final scene of a quiet collapse that had begun months ago.

And so, days of standing blankly in a heart that feels like a scorched field begin.
The curtain rises on a chapter of remorse and emptiness＿＿＿.

What do you think?
Didn't some parts of this apply to you, at least to some extent?

There is actually a proper reason for this flow of love that we see so often.

“Brain” mechanisms are what make it happen.

2 Until “that miracle” becomes “taken for granted”

When the human brain has a new experience or a happy event, the brain's “reward system” is activated. This is a pleasure circuit involving “dopamine”.

For example, “when you get something you wanted”, a large amount of dopamine is released, and you tremble with joy. In short, when you start dating someone you like, dopamine explodes and the world sparkles.

However, if the same stimulus continues, the human brain gradually stops reacting. This phenomenon is called “neural adaptation”, a function where the brain's response to repeated stimuli gradually weakens.

Also, “gratitude” is an emotion born from comparison. The brain judges happiness based on “whether it has become better than before” or “whether it has changed”.

Conversely, if “the same state continues”, that becomes the standard. Then, what you initially thought of as “something to be grateful for” becomes “normal”, and the excitement fades. This is a reaction called “hedonic adaptation (hedonic treadmill)”.

These can be said to be the brain's “energy-saving mode”.

When a state of excessive excitement continues for a long time, the brain consumes energy.To reduce that burden, the brain is designed to intentionally become desensitized to stimuli. These functions are a very rational mechanism.

However, it is also a reality that this dulls the feelings of care for loved ones. We must face this function.

3 How to Overcome Habituation

The way to overcome this "habituation" is "gratitude." This is not just a matter of mental attitude; it has a solid scientific basis.

Gratitude activates the

"reward system (dopamine)." When you feel gratitude, the brain's reward system

(especially the ventral tegmental area (VTA) to the nucleus accumbens) is activated. This is the same reaction as when you receive money or eat something delicious. In other words, just by feeling "thank you," the brain feels like it has received a reward.Also, gratitude promotes the

secretion of "oxytocin (the love hormone)." When there is a feeling of gratitude, oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feel "connection with others," is released. This strengthens trust, bonds, and empathy, and also has the effect of alleviating feelings of loneliness. That is why when we are thanked by others, our hearts feel warm or relieved.Gratitude

suppresses the activity of the "amygdala (the center that handles anxiety)."

By being conscious of gratitude, the activity of the "amygdala," the part of the brain that feels anxiety and stress, is suppressed. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex (the command center for logic and thought) is activated, making it easier to make positive judgments. Just by feeling "grateful," you can reduce stress and become positive.

You can change your brain by being conscious of "gratitude" through journaling or meditation.There is a study (University of California, Davis) that shows that just by "writing down three things you are grateful for"


every day, happiness increased after two weeks. This is because the "gratitude circuit" is strengthened due to the brain's neuroplasticity (the circuits you use are strengthened).

Gratitude is, so to speak, "brain muscle training." The more you repeat it, the more your brain becomes one that "easily feels gratitude."

I have written about the connection with brain function up to this point.
However, I dare to say this.

In the first place, before talking about the brain, isn't it foolish to forget to be grateful to the person you love and who has loved you?

To begin with, the very fact that we were born into this world is a pile of staggering coincidences. And furthermore, to meet and share hearts is an unimaginable miracle.

When you think about that, don't you feel like you can't help but be grateful?

4 Action Plan

・Go find "firsts" together as a couple

As I mentioned earlier, new experiences release dopamine.
If so, you should take advantage of that function and go find and experience "firsts" together. Since this also becomes a shared memory, it will increase the topics for conversation.

・Ten thousand words of gratitude

Chairman Netero also arrived at "gratitude" in the end.
Let's say "thank you" to our loved ones every day. However, if you do it ten thousand times a day, there is a possibility that you will leave your "emotions" behind, so let's aim to convey it at least once a day.

・Incorporate "gratitude" into morning meditation

Here again, it's morning activities. Incorporate meditation, and bring a "sense of gratitude" into that mental focus. You can start your day in a good mood. As a result, you can also make the people around you happy.

・Make gratitude a habit

In the first place, humans say "thank you" to people who don't matter in their lives, but they don't say "thank you" to the people who are important to them. Let's make sure to say those words to the people who are truly important. Gratitude is like muscle training; let's be conscious of it and train it regularly.

5 Summary

It is natural from the perspective of brain science that being with a loved one becomes "taken for granted." However, that does not mean that doing nothing is the right answer.

Gratitude can be trained by consciously feeling and conveying it. You will have a brain that feels happiness more easily. Knowing this, let's feel gratitude, prepare ourselves, and become people who can convey "I am grateful" to others. You surely remember the days when you felt supreme happiness from the other person's smile.

Let's convey our gratitude for being together and paint a future. Because your relationship is something that only you two can build, no one else. Talk a lot, experience things, and convey your gratitude.

The fact that you two met and can be together is not "taken for granted"; it is truly a miracle.

Thank you for reading this far.
May happiness come to you as well.