Weaknesses Were Diamonds in the Rough Chapter 2: Confidence Lost Through Comparison -Episode 1-
Weaknesses Were Diamonds in the Rough
─The "Things I Love" That Slept Deep Within My Embarrassment─
✍️Written by: Emi
Chapter 2: Confidence Lost Through Comparison
Episode 1: The Voice Lost in the Wind
When I was in elementary school, I loved speaking in front of people.
I gave the representative speech at the entrance ceremony,
and in junior high, as a committee chair, club president, or student council member,
I was always entrusted with standing at the front.
However, at some point, the atmosphere changed.
Triggered by someone's remark,
an air of being unable to say no, and a vibe that suggested you had to be at the center of the laughter, began to flow through the class.
From that moment on, I began to "listen intently."
I could hear the laughter and shouts of those around me,
even when I was a little distance away.
And it was also around this time that I felt gazes that seemed frozen.
I started to become self-conscious about how others saw me,
and I found myself gauging the size of my presence and even the tone of my voice.
Before I knew it, my own voice had become smaller and smaller.
It wasn't that I was told to "shut up."
But somewhere, I felt that I wasn't "getting through."
Even when I spoke, I felt as if my words weren't reaching their "hearts."
Holding onto that feeling, I began to choose to be "quiet."
I prioritized reading the room over raising my voice.
Perhaps I thought that was a form of "kindness."
I didn't realize at the time that,
by using the word "kindness,"
I was stifling my own self-expression――.
I felt that the shrill laughter and the way groups caused trouble for those around them
was "not right,"
so perhaps I had made a promise to myself
that staying quiet was the correct answer.
Just as the sound of the wind grew quiet,
the atmosphere in the class had become calm before I knew it.
I was just watching that "wind."
There was a close friend who put into words that she "hated it" amidst all that.
I am still connected to her today,
and we still laugh together while sharing our hearts.
But the me of that time
knew the number of people who were swept away,
and that the wind changed everything.
And there is one more thing I realized.
That every event has a sudden end.
Just like the current "Age of Wind"――
an invisible flow
changed the direction of our hearts.
The me of that time,
while surrendering myself to the wind,
had unknowingly made my own voice smaller.
But――
actually, back then, I realized it deep in my heart.
I had chosen to "keep living" myself.
At that moment when the path of life flickered in and out for just an instant,
I chose to "live."
That momentwas the starting point where I decided to "live as myself."Even if my voice became small,
somewhere in my heart, my voice was certainly alive.
That is precisely why I think this way now.
I was someone who truly wanted to speak out.
Not to be swept away by someone else's words,
but someone who wanted to stir up a breeze with my own voice.
Back then, I had lost sight of my own voice in the wind.
But at the same time—
perhaps I had realized somewhere
that 'the future me who would reclaim her voice once more'
was quietly waiting beyond that wind.
💫Next Episode Preview: Episode 2 'The Day the Door to My Heart Gently Opened'
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