Relationships with partners begin by letting go of the idea that "they should understand without being told"
Hello. This is Koshi from LIBERENCE.
Today, I would like to talk a little about relationships between spouses.
"I want them to understand without me having to say it."
"Because we are close, they should be able to understand without words."
Don't you ever think things like that?
But deep within that silence, the "seeds of misunderstanding" that can unravel a relationship may be lurking.
"Telepathy" might be an illusion
Just like with family, do you think,
"They will understand without me saying it"
"A partner is someone who understands without being told"?
But your partner is a different person from you.
They have a different upbringing and different values.
Even parents and siblings cannot fully read your mind,
so expecting your partner to intuitively sense your feelings through telepathy
might be an unreasonable expectation.
That is precisely why you need to make the effort to communicate more carefully.
Communicating is protecting the relationship
First, let's gently let go of the hope that "they will understand even if I don't say it."
And try making "communicating properly" the foundation of your relationship.
With a partner you live with,
it is important to have thorough discussions about values, in other words, "things you absolutely cannot compromise on."
"I don't want you to ever enter this area"
"This is the only thing I cannot compromise on"
"Let's both make sure we do this"
By deciding on "rules" that you can both agree on in this way,
the relationship will become much easier, and a sense of security will grow.
"The power of asking questions"
In NLP, we believe that asking questions is the "power to reconnect a relationship."
Instead of "Why don't you understand?"
"What is it that I want to convey?"
"What kind of world is my partner seeing?"
By gently asking yourself these kinds of questions,
the feelings that were hidden deep within the silence will gradually begin to unravel.
What is important in a relationship
The most important thing in a relationship is
"to cherish both your partner and yourself."
In a relationship where only one side is enduring or constantly being careful,
the balance will eventually collapse.
While aligning each other's values,
building a "mutually agreeable relationship" through dialogue rather than one-sidedness.
Even just doing that will create a gentle space between the two of you,
and a relationship where you can respect both yourself and your partner will grow.
In conclusion
The fact that the "they will understand without me saying it" mindset is triggered
is proof that you want to cherish your relationship with that person.
So, rather than wishing for magic to unravel the relationship, use questions to reconnect it.
If you are currently feeling silence or misunderstanding in your relationship with your spouse...
Please, try gently questioning that expectation that "they will understand without being told."
That perspective should bring a new light to your relationship.