I Have a Friend I Can Talk About the Future With on the Way Home from School Pickups
I talk to a friend on the phone almost every day.
During my commute.
While picking up my children.
On the way to the supermarket.
It is not rare for us to talk for over an hour before I even realize it.
My wife tells me,
“It’s creepy for grown men to talk that much.”
She says.
That might be true.
It is probably a minority of men in their 40s who have a friend they call every day.
However, I have recently started to think that this relationship might be quite precious in my life.
⸻
We met at a part-time job a long time ago
I met that friend at a restaurant where I worked when I was young.
After eating lunch, we had a break of about two hours.
We talked the entire time.
About the future.
About work.
About romance.
About money.
About dreams.
Thinking back, I believe we loved talking itself even back then.
We didn't have any special hobbies.
We didn't build anything together.
We just talked about the future with all our might.
⸻
He knows me from when I had nothing
People acquire titles as they age.
Teacher.
Father.
Husband.
Manager.
Local guardian.
But he knows the me from before that.
He knows the me from when I had nothing.
That is why I think it is easy.
There is no need to show off.
There is no need to act successful.
There is no need to hide failures.
I can talk as the same person I was back then.
There are surprisingly few people like that.
⸻
We can talk without alcohol
Adult relationships are often built through alcohol.
But we are different.
We can talk without alcohol.
In fact, our hands-free calls in the car are longer.
About family.
About parenting.
Why I am not understood by my wife.
Work frustrations.
Future dreams.
Talk of starting a business.
Books I read recently.
Countries I want to visit next.
The topics are endless.
⸻
Men become lonely with age
When they reach their 40s, many men end up just going back and forth between work and home.
They go to work in the morning,
And move for their family at night.
That in itself is important.
But before you know it, opportunities to talk about yourself decrease.
There are fewer people you can speak your true feelings to.
That is why I think.
People cannot live on work alone.
People cannot live on family alone.
You need a place where you can freely talk about your own thoughts.
⸻
We are still talking about the future
Interestingly, we are still talking about the future.
When we were in our 20s,
I want to go abroad.
I want to succeed.
I want to be free.
We only talked about things like that.
Now that we are in our 40s,
Parenting.
Health.
Old age.
Work.
Education.
The topics have changed.
But the essence has not changed.
Even now, we are
Talking about “how to live from here on out.”
⸻
Happiness on the way home from school pickupsRecently, I heard that the 40s are the time when life satisfaction is at its lowest.
That might be true.
Responsibilities increase.
Time decreases.
Physical strength also declines.
Even so, I think.
It is not just money or status that supports life satisfaction.
Someone who knows you from when you had nothing.
Someone who accepts you as you are now.
And someone you can talk about the future with.
Isn't that what such a person is?
On the way home from school pickups.
The voice heard through the hands-free device,
Is not just small talk to me.
I think it is the spark of life.
⸻
Related articles on this theme・What I was really looking for was Learning Sparks.
・Life begins twice—I am 45, and my second 20s are beginning
・Why do people resist a life of only school pickups and work
The origin of this theme
・The experience of spending my 2-hour break talking during my part-time restaurant job in my 20s
Articles I want you to read next・It was my old part-time job friends who supported my life satisfaction
⸻
A sentence that remains in the futurePeople feel at ease by having friends who share their past, and move forward by having friends they can talk about the future with.
A Friend Who Still Talks About the Future on the Way Home
I talk to one of my closest friends almost every day.
On my commute.
While driving my children to their activities.
On the way back from school pickups.
Sometimes our conversations last more than an hour.
My wife occasionally tells me that it is strange for two middle-aged men to talk so much.
Maybe she is right.
But recently, I have started to realize that this friendship is one of the most valuable things in my life.
⸻
We Met When We Had Nothing
We met while working part-time at a restaurant in our younger days.
After lunch, there was a two-hour break between shifts.
Most people rested.
We talked.
About our future.
About work.
About relationships.
About dreams.
About money.
Looking back, talking itself may have been our shared hobby.
We did not have careers.
We did not have status.
We did not have certainty.
All we had was the future.
⸻
He Knows Who I Was Before the Titles
As people grow older, they collect titles.
Teacher.
Father.
Husband.
Manager.
Homeowner.
But my friend knew me before all of that.
He knew me when I had none of those identities.
Perhaps that is why our conversations feel effortless.
There is no need to impress each other.
No need to hide failures.
No need to pretend we have everything figured out.
We can simply be ourselves.
⸻
We Don’t Need Alcohol
Many adult friendships depend on drinking.
People gather around a table and open up over a few drinks.
There is nothing wrong with that.
But our friendship works differently.
We do not need alcohol.
Most of our conversations happen through a hands-free call while driving.
We talk about family.
Parenting.
Marriage.
Work frustrations.
Business ideas.
Books.
Travel.
The future.
Even after more than twenty years, we never seem to run out of things to discuss.
⸻
Many Men Become Lonely Without Realizing It
As men enter their forties, life becomes crowded with responsibilities.
Work demands more.
Children need support.
Parents grow older.
Friendships slowly move into the background.
Messages become practical.
Meetups become rare.
Many men find themselves surrounded by people, yet lacking someone with whom they can speak honestly.
Not because they want to be alone.
But because life leaves little room for genuine conversation.
⸻
We Are Still Talking About Tomorrow
The funny thing is that we are still talking about the future.
In our twenties, the future meant adventure.
Traveling overseas.
Building a career.
Finding freedom.
Now the topics are different.
Health.
Parenting.
Education.
Retirement.
Purpose.
Yet the essence remains the same.
We are still asking the same question:
“What kind of life do we want to live from here?”
The dreams have changed shape.
But they have not disappeared.
⸻
Happiness on the Way Home
I recently learned that many studies suggest happiness reaches its lowest point around middle age before rising again later in life.
Perhaps that is true.
Responsibilities increase.
Time becomes scarce.
Energy declines.
Yet I have come to believe that happiness depends on more than money, status, or achievement.
It depends on having someone who remembers where you started.
Someone who accepts who you are.
Someone who is still willing to talk about tomorrow.
On the drive home, through a hands-free phone call, I hear more than a familiar voice.
I hear a reminder that life is still moving forward.
And perhaps that is why we continue talking.
After all these years, we are still sharing sparks for the future.
Research Notes
Research Note Title
What sustains friendships that continue into one's 40s?
Theme
Examining the structure of deep male friendships that persist beyond middle age.
Observations
* I still call my part-time job friend from my youth every day, even now in my 40s.
* We have been talking about our dreams since the days when neither of us had anything.
* We can talk without being self-conscious.
* We can talk for long periods without alcohol.
* Our values and directions of thought are similar.
* The relationship did not break off even with changes in family and work.
Hypothesis
Male friendships do not last long on hobbies or play alone. The time, hardships, and hopes for the future shared in youth become a “shared story,” and relationships with those who share that story are highly likely to continue beyond middle age. Also, the thinner the interest-based or role-based relationship, the more it becomes a relationship where one can safely self-disclose.
Related Themes
* Male loneliness
* Middle-age relationships
* Dual-income families and friendships
* Memories of youth
* Happiness in the second half of life
* Social capital
Classification
🏠 FAMILY
🏙️ SOCIETY
🌏 CIVILIZATION