By my hands this year, by yours next year
I went to get handprints and footprints made in clay.
I wanted to preserve how big they are right now, I think that was the reason.
I see my baby's hands and feet every single day. Yet, it's strange; the moment I tried to capture them in a physical form, I suddenly realized, 'This is a moment that will never happen again.'
There were several other parents and children at the venue doing the same thing.
Some were proceeding with ease, while others, like us, were struggling.
My son, naturally, cannot press them himself.
So, my husband and I gently held his tiny feet and pressed them into the clay.
……but this was harder than I thought.
His feet would wiggle, and our timing would be off.
They ended up a bit crooked.
When we tried to redo it, he looked at us with a face that said, 'What are you doing to me?'
In the end, they didn't turn out as clean as the samples.
The outlines were blurry, and we couldn't get the prints right...
At first, I thought it was a waste.
Since it was supposed to be a keepsake, I felt we could have done a better job.
But on the way home, I thought about it.
That shape is just like us right now.
We want to record our child's growth, but we can't do it efficiently.
The more we try to do what's best, the more we spin our wheels.
As parents, our hands are still clumsy.
But, in our own awkward way, we were supporting his feet together.
Perhaps parenting is, unexpectedly, a series of moments just like this.
Even if you try to leave a perfect record, reality involves crying, slipping, and things not going according to plan.
Even so, we make it into the form we can at that time.
Even if it's a little distorted, I think that is the real version of that family.
I have similar experiences at work.
A clean plan, an ideal career, a well-managed household budget.
Of course, those are important. But in reality, unexpected events get in the way. A child's fever, lack of sleep, a disconnect between husband and wife, my own hesitation.
Every time that happens, it's easy to feel like I'm 'not doing it right.'
But there are things that only grow during the times when it looks like you aren't doing it right.
The power to wait, the power to compromise, and the power to accept days that don't go as planned.
The handprints and footprints were supposed to be a record of my child's growth.
And yet, I feel like what was reflected there was where we, the parents, are right now.
Next year, will he be able to press them himself?
Maybe he'll laugh and press them down without us needing to guide his hands.
I would be happy if that happens.
But I also feel like I might miss the time we spent struggling like we did today, just a little bit.
The clay handprints and footprints that we couldn't preserve perfectly.
Even so, I think when I look back on them years from now, what I'll remember most won't be how well they turned out.
It was about our feet that were still small, and our hands that were still unaccustomed.
#ParentingDiary
#NewDad
#DadInHis40s
#StrugglingWithParenting
#LifeWithABaby
#HandprintFootprintArt
#FamilyMemories
#TimeThatOnlyHappensNow
#ParentingAsACouple