The busier you are, the more you need to keep things in order
In mid-April, I was told at the hospital, "It's asthma."
It was a bit of a surprise.
Since around late March, I had been feeling somewhat under the weather.
I felt a bit breathless.
My breathing felt shallow.
Even when I tried to focus, I felt dull somehow.
But it wasn't bad enough to be bedridden.
I didn't have a fever either.
So, I just brushed it off, thinking, "Maybe I'm just tired."
Since I started working from home, I've used less physical energy on commuting.
I thought my body should be feeling better than before because of that.
But in reality, it wasn't that simple.
I work at home and live at home.
Because work and life are so close together, the boundary between being on and off becomes blurred.
Before I knew it, I was constantly thinking about something.
Work.
Family.
The future.
Especially since becoming a father, the feeling that I have to get my act together has become stronger.
I want to cherish time with my family.
I don't want to neglect my work either.
Because both are important, I naturally end up putting myself last.
This asthma probably didn't start suddenly either.
I think my body had been giving me small signs for a long time.
But people find it hard to recognize that they are overdoing it as long as they can still move.
Even if it's a bit tough, I can still move.
I can still fulfill my responsibilities.
So, that state becomes the new normal.
What was scary this time might be that it wasn't bad enough to collapse.
Before you really can't move anymore, you can surprisingly still go about your daily life.
It's just that your margin for error decreases.
Your concentration drops.
You become more prone to irritability.
Fatigue doesn't go away.
Even so, we tend to brush it off by saying, "I'm busy right now."
In your 30s and 40s, you still have a lingering sense of the days when you could get by on sheer willpower alone.
But your body is definitely changing.
Unlike when you were young, a single night's sleep doesn't lead to a full recovery.
Every bit of overexertion quietly comes back to haunt you later.
And yet, once you become a father, the number of "reasons to work hard" only increases.
That is precisely why I have been thinking lately.
Maintaining your body isn't just for your own sake.
Resting properly.
Not ignoring discomfort.
Getting things back in order early.
I believe these things are also necessary to protect the time I have with my family for as long as possible.
My son is happily rolling over on the floor again today.
He is doing movements today that he couldn't do yesterday, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
Children grow up so fast.
That is exactly why I want to be in good shape to witness this "time that will never come again".
Pushing yourself too hard isn't the same thing as working hard.
Since becoming a father, I am in the process of learning that difference little by little.
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