The End of Those Who Hurt You

[Buddhist Life from Your 50s] Cause and Effect. This is what will eventually happen to those who hurt you ~Teachings of Buddhism~

Hello! I am Kaneko, a Buddhist blogger.

Today's theme is, I would like to talk about "[Buddhist Version] The End of Those Who Hurt You."

Today, we have received the following question from a reader.

That is a very painful struggle. I imagine many people who hear this will deeply empathize with you.

I don't know how you were hurt, but regardless, you feel uneasy, frustrated, and unable to forget about that person. Even though your head and heart know that 'it's pointless to think about it, you should just let it go,' you find yourself obsessing and getting frustrated anyway.

Moreover, when that person is posting happy photos on Instagram as if nothing happened, it becomes unbearable. I truly understand that you are in a difficult situation.

However, I think your feelings will become much lighter once you know the wisdom of Buddhism. Through the wisdom of Buddhism, you will see the answer to today's main topic, 'The end of those who hurt you,' and 'what you yourself should do from now on.'

Please, read until the end.

Today's Table of Contents

1. Early Bloomers and Late Bloomers

2. A Lesson in What Not to Do

3. Resentment and Revenge

1. Early Bloomers and Late Bloomers

First, the person who asked this question was deeply hurt by someone else's words or actions. Whether it was slander, defamation, being lied to, deceived, or having money taken, you had a terrible experience.

In Buddhism, the bad deeds done by that person are called 'Karma.' Shakyamuni Buddha called this 'Karma,' and while the Chinese translated it as 'Go' (deed), in modern terms, it refers to 'actions' or 'conduct.'

The consistent teaching of Buddhism is that 'actions create rewards (destiny). Your own actions will always return to you.' In other words, it is taught that the consequences of the words and actions of the person who hurt you will definitely return to the person who did the hurting.

'No, you say that, but they look so happy when I check Instagram! It's strange that they can be so happy after hurting someone!' I believe that is why you are feeling so uneasy.

However, this is simply because 'there is a difference in the timing of when the seeds you sow return to you.'

Flowers have both "early bloomers" and "late bloomers," don't they? Even with cherry blossoms, some bloom first, showing two or three petals, while others remain as buds even when everything around them is in full bloom. It is taught that the results of our actions are the same; for some, they appear immediately, while for others, they appear after some time has passed.

Some people's efforts bear fruit immediately, while for others, it takes many years to finally bear fruit. Just as some people are caught immediately after doing something wrong, others are not caught until many years later.

The Buddha taught the following three points regarding the timing of when these results appear.

• Jun-gen-go (Results in the present life): Seeds sown in this life (between birth and death) return within this same life.

• Jun-ji-go (Results in the next life): Seeds sown in this life return in the next life.

• Jun-go-go (Results in future lives): Seeds sown in this life return much later, such as in the next life after the next, or even further beyond.

In Buddhism, it is taught that our lives travel through the "three existences" (past, present, and future). While we humans only have the wisdom to know about our "present existence" from birth to death, the Buddha possessed the "Buddha's wisdom" to see through all three.

For example, suppose two students work a one-day part-time job and earn 10,000 yen. They go to a family restaurant; one eats luxuriously, ordering a steak set and even a chocolate parfait, while the other eats kitsune udon to save money. At this time, the one eating the kitsune udon does not think, "That guy is eating all the good stuff!" This is because life is not just that one day; there is tomorrow and the day after. Because he has the wisdom to look ahead and think, "I will use this 10,000 yen strategically," he is saving money now.

If we were animals that could only think about today, we would probably spend it all on the spot. We are the same; because we only understand this world, we might think, "Is the law of cause and effect really true?" But from the Buddha's eyes, which see through the three existences, the relationship between actions and destiny strictly exists.

In Buddhism, it is taught that "the power of karma is indestructible." There is no "statute of limitations" on the actions we have taken. It is not the case that you can escape if you run away until the statute of limitations expires. Whether good or bad, the power of our actions will never disappear until it brings about its destined result.

In other words, even if the person who hurt you does not appear to be receiving bad results in this world right now, they will never be able to escape. The results will definitely return to them.

2. A negative example

When you learn this "law of cause and effect," you can develop two ways of thinking when someone does something to hurt you. The first is to "use them as a negative example."

There is a saying like this:

• "You only realize the kindness you have received when you show kindness to others."

• "You only realize the bad things you have done when they are done to you by others."

Let's think about "kindness" first. The easiest example is "parental gratitude." Only after struggling with raising children yourself do you realize, "My parents must have felt this way raising me," or "I caused them a lot of trouble," and you come to know the gratitude you owe your parents. In Buddhism, there is a teaching called "Wagan Aigo" (giving without material wealth by having a gentle face and speaking kind words), but when you actually try it, you realize how difficult it is. And only after trying it yourself does a feeling of gratitude arise for those who have always spoken warmly to you.

Conversely, what about "bad deeds"? When someone says something heartless and you are deeply hurt, only then do you remember, "Come to think of it, I once did something similar to what this person did to me," and you cannot help but feel remorse.

When you are the one saying it, you are often unaware, speaking without even considering whether the other person will be hurt. However, only when you are in the position of the victim do you regret your past self as a perpetrator, thinking, "I might have made them feel that way."

Therefore, when you are hurt by someone, please look back and ask yourself, "Have I not done the same thing?" or "Am I not doing it now?" Then, use that person as a "negative example" (someone whose bad actions serve as a warning to yourself). Buddhism teaches that if this becomes an opportunity to firmly resolve, "I will absolutely never do that in my future life," then even the painful experience of being hurt by someone becomes an important connection for improving yourself.

3. Resentment and revenge are foolish

The second thought is to "know that resentment and revenge are foolish."

How do we know they are foolish? It is because, as I mentioned earlier, we know the Buddhist wisdom that "the seeds one sows will always return to oneself (you reap what you sow)."

If someone hurts you, they will inevitably suffer themselves due to the law of cause and effect. You do not need to expend any energy on revenge; you don't need to go to the trouble of waking up at 2:00 a.m. to hammer nails into a straw doll in a curse ritual. If you just leave it alone, it will return to the person who did it.

The Buddha said the following:

They only seem to be having fun because the retribution has not yet appeared. Since they will suffer when it eventually does, there is no need for you to think about "how to get revenge." It is like spitting at the sky; it will inevitably fall back on the person themselves, so there is no need to worry about it.

Rather,the act of "resenting others" itself becomes a bad deed (karma) for you. Being in a state of resentment is very unhealthy for the mind, and you will end up suffering yourself by wasting unnecessary energy instead of focusing on what you should be doing now. As you, the questioner, mentioned that "it is mentally painful because I keep holding onto anger," thinking about the person you dislike all day and night is a major negative for you.

The Buddha also said this:

The Buddha is asking, don't you think it is foolish to keep using your energy for a trivial person when life is so short?

If you return resentment with revenge, you might feel relieved temporarily, but then the other person will harbor resentment and do something else. It becomes a chain of retaliation, and in the end, both of you will be ruined.

To use an analogy, this is like "having your leg bone broken with a baseball bat, getting angry and saying 'Damn it! I won't forgive you!', and then trying to go break the other person's leg with a bat while dragging your own leg." It is very dangerous, isn't it?First, you must treat your own fracture! When you are hurt, instead of thinking "I have to hurt them back," please prioritize "caring for your own wounded heart" above all else. Leave the other person to the law of cause and effect and just let it be.

Even if you say to each other, "It's because you said that back then!" or "You did that too!", it will only lead to chaos and leave you both exhausted. No one gets seriously angry at the sound of the wind or the waves, saying "How annoying!" When someone says something that makes you angry, if you can let it pass by as easily as the sound of the wind or waves, you will not suffer any further. Conversely, if you take it and throw it back, the other person will throw it back even harder, and you will both end up hurt.

Today, I spoke on the theme of "The end of those who hurt you."

The person who hurt you will eventually receive their retribution. That is the teaching of Buddhism. Therefore, you, who have been hurt,

• Use this as an opportunity to improve yourself, thinking, "I will make sure not to become like that."

• Stop the foolishness of going down together through resentment and revenge, and focus on caring for your own heart.

I hope you will learn this Buddhist wisdom and that your heart will feel even a little lighter.

On this blog, I talk about such Buddhist teachings from various angles. If you think this was helpful, I would be happy if you could follow me.

Thank you very much for reading until the end today as well!

--- Buddhist Blogger Kaneko ---