To You, Who Are Moderately Arrogant | Novel | April Fool's Day

1 New Message
From: Konishi "I'm in so much trouble, I could die😭😭😭"

Not again.
Enduring the power harassment of my shitty boss, I finally reached the end of my shift and rushed onto the shuttle bus, letting out a sigh.
The moment I saw the new message on my freezing cold smartphone, I felt a wave of exhaustion wash over me.
I instinctively buried my face in my scarf to hide my scowl, trying to keep up appearances. But I couldn't suppress it, and my eyes crinkled in a way that looked like I had just bitten into a bitter bug.

The only saving grace was that this message had been sent to a group chat, not to me personally. If it had been sent to me directly, what had just jumped into my mouth wouldn't have been just a bitter bug. I would have ended up biting into something truly outrageous, like a wild surströmming or something of that sort.

What does Konishi-san think will happen by telling us this message?
Besides us being completely at a loss, what kind of blueprint is she imagining?
Doesn't this girl even think about such things?
No, I suppose she doesn't.

A group chat for a workshop we've been working on with the same members.
Konishi-san had caused problems before, too.
Remembering that time, a bitter feeling crosses my mind.

She had significantly delayed our activities citing mental health symptoms.
After that, the other members and I had a hell of a time trying to comfort her while she was sick and hurt.
At first, it was help born from genuine concern, but the root of the problem was deeper than I thought, and I feel like a considerable amount of time and mental energy was drained away.

Everyone dealt with it while fraying their nerves like a bomb disposal squad. The number of people who just gave up and left her alone gradually increased, but I eventually won her trust. I'm really glad she managed to get back on track. Since then, it seems she's come to think of me as a "reliable friend," which is the best I could ask for.

It's not really my style, but I gave Konishi-san a lot of advice.
"You should learn how to deal with people you dislike."
"You shouldn't say unnecessary things as much as possible."
I genuinely hoped it would help her, but I kept it moderate so as not to be overbearing.

If she takes even this kind of advice to heart, I'd consider myself lucky. If that helps her mental state settle down, I'd be happy too. There's no lie in that.

I'm used to things like this.
If you have a kind heart and use methods tailored to different ages and situations, you can easily unravel people's hearts. If you persist, even if they can't be convinced, they can understand. But this time, it's truly a hassle.
When I get involved in this, the burden and loss are just too great.

Therefore, this time I decided to ignore her message and resume my interactions with others. That includes my own boyfriend.

Honestly, he's a boyfriend full of problems and I want to break up with him as soon as possible, but since we have a special relationship, I can't just treat him coldly. I tap out a reply: "Finished work~." He didn't reply right away, as expected—maybe he's still sleeping.

But I have other friends with whom I can have cheerful and warm exchanges. Opening each individual screen, I sent messages in turn: "Work was tiring! Heading home now!" "We're going to drink so much at the girls' night out this weekend. I'm going to drink until I hit my limit!" "Good work! How's work over there? Hope you can wrap it up soon!"

Everyone is irreplaceable. As I exchanged these happy messages, the bitter bug that had been lingering in my mouth turned into my favorite strawberry flavor before I knew it.

I bundle up lies and truths together and lock them inside myself.
I give necessary information only to those who need it, and don't let unnecessary information flow to those who don't need it. That's how I skillfully control my life. Maybe because of that accumulation, I had many people celebrate my birthday the other day.
People gather where there is a good person. I'm happy. I'm full of happiness. I want to show my current self to the high school version of me who used to say everything she wanted to say.
See? If you just keep making tireless efforts, people will become your allies. It's just like a game. That's why my life is exactly as I want it to be. It's a view that people who don't put in the effort can never see.

Of course, I don't show people the ugly emotions I feel inside. The dark feelings swirling within me are undoubtedly the truth, but they are completely unnecessary for my happiness.
Revealing everything is what a fool does.

With a loud hiss of air, the bus arrives at the nearby station.
A freezing north wind blows from the exit, and I instinctively narrow my eyes.
I step down onto the hard asphalt of the rotary and walk through the town as the sun sets on my way home.
Remembering the promise I made to a friend who asked to talk, I stick an EarPod in one ear and ring the call bell from the voice chat app. Soon after, a gentle, beautiful voice returns the first "Good work."

This friend is also an important boy to me.
He is pure, simple, and yet possesses a kind heart. He helps me when I'm in trouble, and I'm happy to help him too.

Somehow, he makes me think that it might be okay to show him the dark emotions I don't show others. The conversation flows, and my heart leaps in equal measure. As I walk further home, the streetlights become fewer, but on the other hand, faint, pale orange lights begin to dot my field of vision. The voice coming through my ear seems to have taken on a warm color, soaking into my heart.
Without any context, I deliver my true feelings: "Thank you." I usually try to be careful because people are usually bewildered when I do this, but I couldn't help but say it.
"What's so sudden?" he says, the reaction I expected. But these feelings are real, and I have no obligation to let them rot.
Today might be the last time we can talk.
A casual remark, filled with such wishes and prayers. An important belief for me. I can't deliver the touch of my hand, but at least in his eyes, at least in his ears, I want to leave my thoughts behind.

And so, I continue walking through the glamorous darkness and arrive at my home, where the black-glossed "Iruka" nameplate shines. "See you later," I say, and hang up the call.
I turn the key, open the door, and announce my return to my mother, who must be in the living room.
As I eagerly take off my boots and step onto the living room floor, I see my mother, who has opened the living room door to welcome me.
To my mother, who smiles and says, "Welcome home. It was cold outside, wasn't it?" I smile back and reply, "It's freezing!"
From there, exchanging casual conversation, I head up the stairs to my room, and my mother returns to the kitchen.

Upon entering my room, the first thing I do is hang my scarf, which must have absorbed both bitter bugs and strawberries, on my favorite rack, and hang my outerwear on a hanger.
Once I catch my breath, I boot up my computer, which was in sleep mode, and launch my favorite game application. In the meantime, I place my bag and small items in their designated spots, and just as I finish tidying up my surroundings, I dive into the world of the game. On the desktop, I also launch a group chat, and the voices of my friends jump out from the headset. ""Good work!""

This is one of the places where I belong right now.
A world where I live surrounded by happiness.

Come to think of it, although I had completely pushed it to the edge of my thoughts, I wonder if anyone reacted to Konishi-san?

When I peeked cautiously so as not to mark it as read, I realized that, as expected, no one had replied, and no one had even added a reaction.
That makes sense. Everyone is smart. Everyone probably knows that nothing will come of getting involved in this.

I received a message from another member asking me personally, "Should I bother with this?" but we agreed to leave it alone, saying, "Hmm, I think it's fine to just leave it, right?"
I was wavering on the bus earlier, but there is no benefit to touching this. I immediately moved to another tab and erased her message from my field of vision. There is a mountain of things to do. It is a waste of time to bother with things that cannot be helped. Try to manage on your own a little. Don't be spoiled.

"Well then, today..."

I will enjoy the time that makes me happy to the fullest. Today, too, I will live in a happy world.

~ ~ ~

Five days later, the day of the workshop arrived.

Every two weeks, I write in my favorite genre and finish it in a format like a fanzine. It's like a little press created by a few people.
You can think of it as a trivial writing club for game lovers.
We read and revise each other's submissions and include them in a joint magazine. Although there were twists and turns, after working with the same members for four months, we have come to know each other's hearts. My relationship with everyone is excellent. That's why I'm able to work in a relaxed manner.

The workspace for this time is a coworking space I rented near my home.
Since we were all heading there together, also serving as a guide, we met at a bench near the nearest station under the cold sky. People gradually gathered, and with a light greeting of "Good work!", I secretly sent gratitude for being able to meet again like this. Every time someone arrived, I would take an exaggerated reaction, like a rabbit jumping up and down, to welcome them. In fact, I am very happy. Of course, I would turn into a rabbit. I like carrots, after all.

When almost everyone had gathered, I took out my smartphone to check the time. And then, I took a glance at the group chat.
As always, it seems like almost no one has reacted to Konishi-san's message, and no one is interacting with her personally. In the flow of the conversation, no one had brought up the topic of her (only a few people had sent messages gently saying, don't push yourself, etc.).

You have no allies.
So, I had imagined in the corner of my mind that maybe she wouldn't come today.

At that moment, a woman descended from the station escalator.
An oversized hoodie, a jet-black flared skirt that wafted with a scent, and dull Converse sneakers.
Her hair was naturally waved, with green extensions on the side as a focal point. A textbook example of a 'jirai-kei' (landmine-type) girl.
Konishi-san, in a familiar appearance, approached while waving her hand lightly.

I felt the air stiffen, as if it had made a creaking sound.
But, not wanting to lose to the atmosphere, I tried my best to return a bright smile.
We adults are not shaken by something like this.
Things will not go as you wish.

The man in our representative position pretended to worry about Konishi-san, just for show, saying, "Are you okay?" Continuing like a member of a theater troupe, everyone turned their gazes and worried lines toward her in unison.

"I'm fine, I'm fine! It's nothing!"

To her, who was acting brightly while shaking both palms vigorously and moving her neck in conjunction, an atmosphere of relief flowed among the members.
In fact, in her slightly low-toned and slow voice, there were no negative emotions like anger or anxiety, and my impression was that Konishi-san was in a state where her mental state was calm.

Usually, this girl is bright and sociable, but she is extremely delicate and fragile, and when her mood keeps falling, a troublesome nature suddenly appears. It's what you call "yami" (darkness/mental instability). When this happens, she hurts those around her like a hedgehog, or she can't stop belittling herself.

I evaluate that as a real waste. If that weren't there, she could handle human relationships more smoothly, and her own charm should be fully utilized.
However, human shortcomings and strengths are two sides of the same coin. The trick to getting along is to accept both completely without expecting too much.

After that, we walked to a coworking space located alone on the 2nd floor of a nearby multi-tenant building. We finished the reception at the neat entrance, and in the venue, which was almost entirely reserved for us, we peacefully finished our usual activities. Since we have been repeating the same activities for nearly four months, the progress was also familiar.

~ ~ ~

We left the refined coworking space and saw off the members who came by train at the station. Since one person came from far away by car, we had the members who were going in the same direction drop us off as well.
As for me and Konishi-san, since our houses are somewhat close, there are many opportunities to have tea after the gathering. Today, too, we somehow ended up remaining as the two of us and headed to Starbucks, so we are walking side by side under the cold sky.

Personally speaking, I am very close with her.
She is a girl whose flaws are noticeable, but her heart is by no means bad. She has a slightly spoiled side, but when it comes to her hobbies, she is a girl who can work harder than anyone else. Although she is actually older than me, I treat her like a junior. A big, slightly twisted, spoiled junior. If I think of her that way, she is cute.

We settle down in the Starbucks store, where the sweet scent of Frappuccino drifts. This is usually the secondary venue. A slightly deep sofa seat. Opposite me, Konishi-san sits, looking small and slightly hunched.
Contrary to her eccentric and eye-catching fashion sense, she seems to have a苦手 (dislike/discomfort) for places where people gather like this, so it's better for the seat to be as secluded as possible. It is important to choose a space that looks isolated at first glance. Here, compared to others, her back straightens just a little bit. There are several other points where her back is likely to straighten, but today I was lucky enough to secure the seat at the very back.

It might sound unpleasant, but there are specific ways to handle people who are like landmines. I've become friends with this type of person more than once or twice. That's why I know exactly how to get along with them, and if I think about it carefully, her true intentions become transparent.

"Are you really, truly okay?"

After sitting on the sofa, I asked her with a tone of concern about that message, acting as if it were nothing. Perhaps she was pushing herself too hard. Her voice and expression felt slightly off compared to her usual self. There was a faint sense of forced cheerfulness.

This was genuine concern. It was a sincere feeling that came from thinking about her well-being. While pushing down another, more honest feeling—that she shouldn't be so dependent—I poured my heart into her. First, I had to break down her psychological defenses. The candid talk would come after that. Then, she replied with words I hadn't expected.

"...Why didn't you ask me about that last week? Right away?"

I blinked in surprise at her sudden, rain-shower-like retort. I spun my brain at full speed. What does this girl want? What kind of line should I say to settle this peacefully?

Should I apologize? Or should I tell her the truth? Should I include a proper preamble? ...Which one is the right answer? I flipped through the collection of past problems in my head at high speed. Was there a similar problem? What kind of interaction did I have with her when things went wrong last year? I wanted to escape into some sugar, but it would feel unnatural to bring a Frappuccino to my lips and mumble now. Besides, a delay in responding could itself be a mistake. Trying to buy some time, I groaned, "Hmm..."

In the brief moment of respite, I carefully observed her expression. Is she angry? Is she sad? I peered deeply into her eyes, which were staring back at mine, trying to gauge her true intentions. But I couldn't see any waves of emotion there. She didn't look like she was seething with passion, nor did she look extremely dejected.

Is she genuinely asking "Why?" I waited for a while, but there was nothing that followed. I secretly waited for words like "Never mind" or "Sorry, I troubled you" to smooth things over, but such faint expectations seemed to crack and crumble with time.

The background music in the shop gradually faded away. I looked down to escape her gaze and thought deeply. Where is the right answer? Where could the right answer be? I finished reviewing all the textbooks in my head, but I realized that no amount of superficial patching up would satisfy her.

Then, I have no choice but to speak my feelings candidly. However, overly direct expressions are a no-go. For a delicate person like this, appropriate word choice and sugar-coating are necessary. From here on, it's like walking on thin ice. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.

"I'm sorry if this offends you. I'll tell you my honest thoughts properly."

"To be honest... I didn't know what you wanted me to do. It didn't seem like the problem Konishi-san was carrying was something we could touch, and I didn't think it could be solved with just a word of comfort. I might have mentioned this briefly before, but I thought that rather than us interfering, it would be better for you to think about it carefully yourself... No, that's not a good way to put it. I thought it was a problem that Konishi-san should solve and overcome on her own. That's why I thought it wouldn't be right to interfere unnecessarily."

And so, I slowly poured out my feelings. I spoke in fragments, praying that I wouldn't cause any misunderstanding and that the damage would be minimal. I kept my eyes fixed on hers, but there was no tremor in her pupils; she just stared back at my eyes without a single twitch. I paused to see how the words I had finished speaking affected her.

She finally lowered her gaze a little and placed the second joint of her index finger, lightly curled, against her mouth. While looking vaguely at the empty glass on the table, she turned her face toward me as if she had just thought of something.

"Thank you, Iruka-san. For worrying about me. But honestly, my heart feels lighter now. You're right, maybe I was being too dependent. I'll be careful from now on. I'm sorry. I made you say something difficult. I didn't mean to trouble you. I have to reflect on this."

Seeing Konishi-san smile brightly like that, the tension in my heart finally eased. From then on, I felt like we could talk as usual.

In fact, Konishi-san is a good listener. Her way of cutting into a conversation is quite unique (it feels like being interviewed), so I end up talking about various things, but she accepts what I say with interest. Her negative side had completely receded, and a part of our calm, happy time had returned. After all, it's much better to spend time like this with a dear friend. Bringing out the best in a person is my own way of socializing, having been tossed around by human relationships for so long. Thinking that I can continue to spend time like this with Konishi-san makes me feel warm inside.

But I also made sure to drive the point home so she wouldn't let her feelings explode again. I told her something like, "Being too dependent isn't good. Sometimes you have to manage on your own," as if it were a moral lesson. I didn't recklessly say, "If it's really hard, just call me. I'll be your strength." I don't want to be leaned on too much again because of that, and I'm not a person with enough free time to be a punching bag.

This is the method I've cultivated through dealing with people I dislike or find difficult. A moderate sense of distance, a relationship where we can spend time pleasantly, long-lasting and loose sustainability—balancing them all comfortably. That is my philosophy of happiness. How nice it would be if everyone were like that. ~ ~ ~

I left the shop and stepped out into the city, where the sun had completely set.
Perhaps the wind had picked up, as Konishi-san's distinctively green side hair was fluttering about. We exchanged easygoing banter—the kind I usually have with my mother at home, like 'Wow, it's windy!' and 'Yeah, it really is!'—while she grabbed her hood to guard herself, almost pulling it over her head.

Without thinking, I took her hand, which was clutching her hood, and squeezed it tight. People are often surprised when I do this upon first meeting them, but it's my own personal good luck charm.

I'm happy I could spend this time with you today. Thank you.

A ritual to convey those feelings as fully as possible. So that I wouldn't have any regrets, even if today were the last day we could ever meet.

Konishi-san was surprised for a moment, but she squeezed back firmly. Her body temperature, slightly warmer than mine, enveloped both of my hands. It makes me happy.

Of course, this doesn't wash away all the bad feelings. I'm surprisingly vengeful by nature, so I don't easily forget what's been done to me. But that is one thing, and this is another. Like sweets, there's always room for a separate stomach.
Regardless, I had conveyed my gratitude and made it through the day.

Suddenly, Konishi-san stared straight at me and let out, as if it were nothing at all:

“Iruka-chan, thank you. I learned a lot today, too. That bit about not being spoiled really resonated with me. There’s nothing more foolish than not realizing you’re being spoiled, is there? I really learned a lot. It’s just as you said, Iruka-chan. Thank you.”

Immediately after, she squeezed my hand with force. It was enough to cause a slight pain in my hand, which had finally regained its sensation from the warmth inside the shop.
I instinctively tried to pull my arm away, but she showed no sign of letting go. She applied even more pressure, locking it firmly in place, and forcibly pulled me toward her chest.

“Keep teaching me more, okay?
My hateful, spoiled little Iruka-chan.”

She peered deep into the back of my eyes.
All I could see were the outlines of her pupils and her yellow colored contacts.
Suddenly, she let go of my hand and, leaving me in my surprise, ran off toward the station.

At that moment, my smartphone chirped in my pocket.

1 New Message
From: Konishi “Just kidding. Today is April 1st. It’s April Fool’s Day.”

I could only stare at the inorganic text, devoid of any emojis and lacking her usual personality.

~End~