[Living with Bipolar Disorder] To the kindness of a noter... the biggest ♡

Last night, I posted "[Living with Bipolar Disorder] I'm stopping the divorce (1) The overflowing vessel."
Immediately after pressing the post button, I regretted it.
The feelings I wrote about were true.
My intention was to organize my feelings and establish a core within my heart by writing and summarizing them.
But I had this thought: "Is it really necessary to post this?" So, even though I was the one who pressed the button, I regretted it right after.

I thought about how I could return it to draft status, but when I opened it again, someone had already given it a 'like'.
It was my followers.

The presence of my followers on note is something I have never felt before.
I have never met them in real life, and I don't know their real names or faces.
Some people use their faces for their icons, but it's a different feeling than seeing them in person. You can't really know a person's character, which is composed of their height, clothing, and movements, without meeting them.

And yet, or rather, precisely because of that, I can ramble on about my own arguments that I can't talk about with people close to me (if someone close to you were to lecture you about social issues, you'd naturally be put off, right? 💧), and since I write thinking it's fine if it's not read at all (I'll put aside the fact that I actually want people to read it! And I want likes too! for now), there is no sense of coercion in forcing others to go along with things they aren't interested in.

That is exactly why there is a sense of security.
Moreover, noters are truly warm-hearted.
I don't know the truth, I really don't. Maybe there are some people who just give a 'like' because they follow me. (Is that me!? ← It's not impossible, but I really do like them!)
Or maybe they just happened to see it when I posted and gave it a 'like' as a footprint. (Busted! ← Just kidding, haha. I don't react to articles I don't read.)
I feel kindness even in those aspects.

I decided not to return the dangerous article I wrote last night to a draft.
I didn't write it on note to rely on the kindness of warm and thoughtful noters, but because I felt that if I didn't make it public, I wouldn't be able to make it my core.

I constantly cycle between mania and depression.
That is a trait I have been given, and I no longer think about trying to overcome it.
However, I don't want the core of what I should value, the core that is essential for me to live and for me to be me, to waver anymore.

This article is necessary to reach that answer. That is what I believe.

I cannot become strong.
I cannot live for someone else.
Much less can I live by relying on someone.
I cannot be supported by what one might call a reason for living.

Then how am I supposed to live?
An article to find that answer.
An outrageous article with the themes of divorce and abuse.

I am simply filled with gratitude for all the noters who read it.

And thank you to you, too, for reading this article to the end ✨
I am always, very much, encouraged.
I am so glad you are here... 🌹