People who change and people who stop. Where does the difference lie?

Seeing someone's expression change a little, their way of thinking shift, or them becoming able to take action on their own—seeing such changes simply makes me happy.
I encounter such moments both at work and in everyday conversations with people.

Before I knew it, I had becomemoved by the process of people changing little by little.

What people who change have in common

First, it isnot closing oneself off too much.
However, I don't think everyone is able to put their feelings and troubles into words well from the start.

What are they troubled by?
What do they want to do?
What are they anxious about?

Perhaps more people don't even know these things themselves. Even so,
those who gradually share what they are thinking and feeling often move forward.

Also,
try listening first.
Accept things honestly and try them out.
Bring back the results of what you tried.

I think people are strong when they don't just listen and stop there, but think and act for themselves, and even if they fail, they don't end it there but keep going
.

I believe that as they talk little by little, their feelings settle, and they become able to tackle what is right in front of them.

Small "I did it" moments can move people forward

There was someone who couldn't move forward due to anxiety, saying, "I can't do it, I can't do it, what should I do..."
But as I listened to them every time we met and we confirmed the small things they were able to do together, their expression changed little by little.
I think that while accumulating these "I did it" moments, their mindset changed first.

"I feel like I can do it."
"For now, I'll just do what's in front of me."
Such words began to come from their own mouth.

It wasn't that they changed into a different person all of a sudden; they had changed before they knew it.
I believe that such an accumulation of small changes is what moves people forward.

Difficulty in changing is not someone else's problem

Conversely, I feel there are common points among people who are difficult to change.

They don't engage in self-disclosure.
They cannot rely on others.
They cannot listen to others until the end.
They become overwhelmed by their own affairs.

Writing this, I think,
there are things here that also apply to me.

I was not very good at relying on others to begin with, and I was not the type to engage in self-disclosure with just anyone.

For a long time, I often decided things on my own before consulting others, acted on them, and reported back after the fact.
Thinking about it now, there are times I wish I had consulted others more.

But at the time, that was normal for me.
When I was closing myself off and hiding in my own shell, there was no one I could talk to about my feelings or my situation.

That is why I understand the difficulty of consulting others or opening up your heart.
I think there are times when, even if you have a desire to change, showing that to others is difficult in itself.I believe that.

What I value when I interact with people

Even so, people who change gradually open themselves up.
It doesn't have to be everything, and I don't think anyone can do it perfectly from the start.

That is precisely why, when I interact with people,I value creating a state where the other person feels even a little bit more comfortable talking.I value that.

To that end, I first try to listen well to what the other person has to say.
After listening, if there is something I don't understand, I don't leave it as is, but confirm it.

What are they really troubled by?
What do they want to do?
What are they unable to put into words well?

I listen while thinking about such things.

I do not jump ahead more than necessary.
Rather than me providing an answer, I think it is more important for the thoughts and feelings within the other person to gradually turn into words.I believe that.

Rather than what I say, my attention is directed toward whether that person is in a state to talk right now.
If they seem focused on something else, I sometimes decide to leave it for another time.
This is because I want to value the other person's pace rather than forcing my way in.

I think that when people change, they have their own pace.
I believe that what is needed when people change is not special talent or having strong confidence from the start.
I believe that.

Trying to open your heart little by little.
Trying to listen to what others have to say.
And, trying to think and act for yourself.

While repeating such things, people can move forward little by little.

I myself have moved myself forward little by little in that way.
Without rushing, at my own pace.
If you feel like you want to change but can't move right now,
that is surely because you are in the middle of changing.

In my first note, I wrote about the story of deciding to graduate from being a company employee at age 40. Please take a look if you'd like.

I also wrote about the story of how change came because I started moving.