The days that didn't go well made me who I am

At the end of my second year of junior high, I transferred schools due to moving.
I still remember the day everyone from the tennis club came down to the opposite platform.

I wanted to cry out loud, but I held it back.
My mother and siblings were with me, and I didn't want them to see me crying.
But I think they probably knew.

Even now, I tear up when I think about it.

Starting over from zero

That was my third time transferring schools.

From 3rd to 4th grade (riding in a car).
From 6th grade to 1st year of junior high (across the sea).
From 2nd to 3rd year of junior high (across the sea again).

I've moved even more times than that.

When I heard about the final transfer,it felt like "here we go again."I remember crying to my mother that I didn't want to go.
But there was nothing I could do.

Every time I transferred, I had to rebuild relationships from scratch in a new place.
Before I knew it, I had stopped showing my weaknesses to protect myself.
I realized I had become someone who makes their own decisions.

I don't consult others.
I'm not good at self-disclosure either.

I understand now that this wasone of the reasons for my detours.

Wanting to convey, but unable to

I've never been good at conveying what I'm thinking.

Even though the words are in my head, I miss the timing to say them out loud.
The conversation ends while I'm still thinking.

When I tried to put things into words halfway, people would sometimes take them in a completely different way.
I felt insecure about it for a long time, wondering, "Why can't I communicate?"

So, while I've always worked in jobs involving people, there's something I've been conscious of.

To properly grasp what the person in front of me is trying to say.
To listen to the other person's words first.

As I did that, my own words started to come out naturally.

And before I knew it, I was no longer afraid of speaking in front of people.
Now, I actually think I like it.

My future dreams and what I'm doing now

A while ago, I found an old anthology at my parents' house.
I wrote it when I was in the lower grades of elementary school.

In the section for my future dream, it said "school teacher."

I have no memory of that time at all.
But for some reason, I remember this from time to time.

Actually, I dropped out of high school.
At the time, I wasn't thinking properly about my life.

But now, I am involved in managing a community that nurtures creators.

I have been invited to my alma mater as a guest lecturer several times in the past.
In a large classroom where about 120 students gathered each time, I told them this story.

I, who quit high school, became a working student, and now I run a school.

I took a long way around. But I am certain that this detour led to my current job.
That much, I am sure of.

I, who quit high school, am now involved in people's learning.
I think that while taking the long way around, I was heading there all along.

The days that didn't go well made me who I am

There were many moments in my life when I wished I could have done better.

But now, I think this.

Because I kept transferring schools, I lost my resistance to changing environments significantly.
I became able to build relationships from scratch.

Because I couldn't convey things well, I started thinking about words that would get through.
I started listening properly to the words of the person in front of me.

Because I dropped out of high school, there are people I met.
Because of those encounters, I started to think seriously about the meaning of life.

Do you also have days that didn't go well?
Those days are surely making you who you are.

I wrote about the difference between people who change and people who get stuck.
Please read it if you'd like.