3 Options for Women in Their 30s Who Are Tired of Matching Apps

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"Another day, and the notifications for likes just keep piling up."

As you feel that way, have you started to find opening the app a little bit of a chore?

When you first started using matching apps, your heart must have skipped a beat every time you got a notification.

Before you knew it, it became like a chore. Replying to messages and looking at profiles have become mixed with a sense of obligation.

If that is the case, I think you are simply "tired."

However, there is one thing I would like to tell you here.

That fatigue is not happening because you are not trying hard enough. In fact, matching apps have a structure that makes it easier for those who have been taking it seriously to get tired.

In this article, I will first organize that structure and then introduce three options you should take when you are tired.

However, you do not need to choose any of them. Just knowing that "there is such a path" should make it a little easier to breathe.

First, what type of fatigue are you experiencing?

Before you continue reading this article, please check your current state.

Q1. Which situation is currently draining you the most?

• I get likes, but it never progresses to meeting up → Type A

• I can meet people, but it fizzles out after 2 or 3 dates → Type B

• Opening the app itself is a chore → Type C

Q2. How long have you been using the app?

• Less than half a year

• Half a year to 1 year

• More than 1 year

Q3. Have you decided when you want to get married?

• Within 1 to 2 years

• Within 3 years

• Not decided yet

We recommend that Type A and Type B individuals focus on reading section 4, while Type C individuals should focus on section 3.

If you chose '1 year or more' for Q2 and 'within 1 to 2 years' for Q3, we suggest you also read through section 5.

1. App fatigue is not your problem

When there are too many choices, people become unable to choose

There is a phenomenon in psychology called 'choice overload.' It is a phenomenon where the more options available, the harder it becomes to make a decision, and the lower the satisfaction after making that decision.

Dating apps create this state in an extreme form.

Swipe, and the next person appears. If you don't meet someone today, a new person will appear tomorrow. It is an environment where the feeling that 'there might be someone better' is constantly being updated.an environment where the feeling that 'there might be someone better' is constantly being updated.

This becomes more painful for those who try to face the person in front of them sincerely. This is because choosing someone means letting go of other possibilities. The more serious you are, the more you are worn down little by little with every decision.

The number of decisions quietly drains your mental energy

There is another factor that is often overlooked. It is the nature of the fact that repeating judgments itself consumes mental energy.

'Should I like them back?' 'Should I continue the message?' 'Should I meet this person?'... Each one is a small decision, but if you continue this every day for weeks, it would be unnatural not to get tired.

Moreover, judgments on dating apps are often made alone. Without anyone to consult, you end up continuing to evaluate people based on limited information...This is a lonelier task than you might think.

Not seeing an end is the heaviest part

And I think the biggest factor is that there is no clear end to this activity.

If it were work, there would be a deadline. If it were an exam, there would be an exam date. But in marriage hunting, there is no point where you can say, 'If I work this hard, it will be over.' Of course, it ends when you get married, but...

Continuing an activity without knowing when it will end puts a heavy psychological burden on you. Since it's like running a marathon without seeing the finish line, it's only natural to get tired.

In short, your fatigue is something created by the environment, not a problem of your methods or the amount of effort you are putting in.

2. Two things you should not do when you are tired

When you feel tired, there are actions that many people take reflexively. However, both of these are likely to make the situation worse.

① Quitting everything at once

Thinking "I've had enough," deleting the app, and stopping your marriage hunting entirely... it certainly feels refreshing for a moment.

However, if you quit in this way, the hurdle to restarting a few months later becomes extremely high. This is because the memory of "having to go back to such an exhausting place" remains.

If you are going to stop, it is much easier later on to "take a break" rather than "quit."

② Immediately adding another app

This might be the most common pattern.

Thinking "maybe this app isn't right for me" and registering for another app... I understand that feeling well.

However, this is an act that simply increases the cause of your fatigue.

As seen in the previous chapter, the true nature of app fatigue is "having too many choices" and "having to make too many decisions." If you increase the number of apps, both of those things simply double.

What you need when you are tired is not to increase your choices, but to reduce them.

3. Option ① to take when you are tired: Take a complete break

First, I want to tell you about the option of taking a break.

There is a real meaning to taking a break.

Many people feel guilty about taking a break from marriage hunting. I think it is because of the anxiety that "while I am standing still, only my age is advancing."

But there are several clear disadvantages to continuing while you are in a tired state.

First, the quality of your judgment drops.

When people are tired, they tend to focus more on the things that bother them rather than the good points of the other person. You might end up cutting off someone who could have been a good match simply because you lack the capacity.

And your self-esteem will also drop.

When things don't go well for a long time, it becomes easy to think, "Maybe I have no value." This is not the truth, but in the midst of exhaustion, that is how it feels.

In other words,continuing while exhausted may seem like you are increasing your opportunities, but you are actually decreasing them.

The recommended rest period is 1 to 2 months.

If it's too short, you won't recover, and if it's too long, you'll lose the motivation to restart.

And before you take a break, please decide "when you will restart." Just setting one date will significantly lighten the guilt you feel while resting.

During your break, I recommend not thinking about marriage hunting at all.

You might want to think, "I'll use this time for self-improvement," but that doesn't count as resting. Meeting friends, going on a trip, or doing nothing at all... those kinds of times will lead to recovery in the end.

4. Option 2 to take when you are tired: Shift from "quantity" to "quality" and change your venue.

If your situation doesn't change even after resting, or if you can't afford to take a break, the next option I would like you to consider is changing the venue itself.

What is important here is not simplyadding another app, but moving to a place with a different nature.

If the cause of your fatigue is "quantity," you should reduce the quantity.

As we saw in Chapter 1, the main causes of fatigue are the abundance of choices and the high number of decisions you have to make.

If that is the case, the direction for a solution is clear.

You just need to move to a place where candidates are narrowed down and the number of decisions is small... that is all.

General major apps pride themselves on having a large number of members. While that expands the possibilities for meeting people, it simultaneously creates the burden of having too many choices. Having a large number of members is not necessarily an advantage for someone who is tired.

Places where "meeting" is the premise.

From that perspective, one service with a significantly different nature is "Bachelor Date."

The feature of this service is thatit is designed with the premise of meeting, rather than meeting after repeated exchanges.

Because the system uses AI to select partners and proceed with scheduling dates, the exhaustion of "weeks passing by just exchanging messages" is structurally unlikely to occur.

Also, because male registrants are screened, the demographic of those registered is kept consistent. Since it is not a place anyone can enter, the number of candidates is narrowed down in a good way.

For those who are tired of apps, this quality of being "narrowed down" actually holds significant meaning.

I think it is a structurally suitable option, especially for those of type A (who do not progress to meeting).If you are exhausted at the messaging stage, moving to a place where that stage itself is shorter is the most straightforward solution.

Of course, since women can start for free, there is no need to start moving in earnest right away, so I think it is enough to have the mindset of "just seeing what kind of atmosphere the place has."

5. Option 3 to take when you are tired: Stop making decisions yourself

And for the third option, this is one I would especially like those of type B (who can meet people but it doesn't last) and those whose marriage hunting period has exceeded one year to choose.

It is okay to stop "choosing for yourself"

Matching apps are a system where you make every judgment entirely on your own. Who to choose, where to draw the line, when to move to the next step... you have to decide everything yourself.

This "constant need to decide alone" can sometimes be the true source of your fatigue.

In such cases, there is the option of delegating the judgment itself to someone else. This takes the form of a service known as a "marriage consultation agency," where a matchmaker or advisor steps in to help you think through partner selection and how to progress the relationship.

Some people feel this is "being spoiled," but in reality, that is not the case.

Making judgments requires mental energy. It is a matter of how you allocate that energy within your limited time.Entrusting the judgment to others is simply outsourcing that cost.

A place where a lack of romantic experience is the premise

That said, I think many people feel guarded when they hear "marriage consultation agency." They worry that the costs might be high or that they might be out of place because they have little romantic experience.

For those who have such anxieties, "Pure Kon" can be an option.

What makes this service significantly different from others is that it is exclusively for those with little romantic experience.

Everyone registered is on the same premise... so there is no need to worry about "having little experience."

Things that would make you feel inferior in a general marriage hunting setting become a common trait for everyone here. I think this psychological difference is greater than you might imagine.

Regarding costs, it is designed with a 0 yen initial fee and only a monthly membership fee. Since the hundreds of thousands of yen in initial fees generally required by marriage consultation agencies do not occur, the hurdle for the "trying it out" stage is kept low.

Also, because you have a dedicated matchmaker, you don't have to carry the burden of choosing partners or deciding how to proceed during dating all by yourself.

Many people who say "I can meet people, but it never goes anywhere" are likely struggling with how to proceed. I believe whether or not you have a companion to walk that path with you is a factor that directly affects the results.

6. Summarizing the 3 options

Let's summarize what we have covered so far.

Option 1: Take a break

• Recommended for: Those who feel exhausted and feel their judgment is impaired

• Estimated duration: 1 to 2 months

• Cost: None

• Note: Decide on a date to resume

Option 2: Change your venue (Bachelor Date)

• Recommended for: Those who can't get to the meeting stage or are worn out by messaging

• Features: Designed with meeting in mind / Screening system

• How to start: From free member registration

• Not recommended for: Those who want to take their time exchanging messages

Option 3: Leave the decisions to others (Pure Kon)

• Recommended for: Those with little dating experience or who are tired of making decisions alone

• Features: Specialized for those with little dating experience / 0 yen initial cost / Dedicated matchmaker

• How to start: From free member registration

• Not recommended for: Those who have plenty of dating experience and want to proceed on their own

7. When you're tired, you only need to make one decision

Finally, I would like to talk about the most important thing I want to convey.

I introduced three options in this article, but please do not try to consider all of them.

Comparing and considering multiple things when you are tired is, in itself, another burden on your decision-making. This is the same reason I wrote in Chapter 2 that you should not add more apps.

If you are Type A, just think about changing your environment. If you are Type B, just think about delegating the decision-making. If you are Type C, just think about resting first.

Make one decision and try it for three months. If it doesn't work out, you can think about the next step then.

Marriage hunting is not a game where you hit the right answer on the first try. It is a process of eliminating what doesn't fit, one by one. The fact that things didn't go well this time is not a failure, but rather that one option has been removed.

I believe that means you are steadily moving forward.

※ If you are already at the stage where you clearly want to decide on marriage...

There is also the option of a full-scale marriage agency. If it is a service completed online, there is no need to visit a physical office, and the costs can be lower than those of typical agencies.

However, this is for those who have clearly decided to "get married within 1 to 2 years." If you are still in a stage of hesitation, I think it is better to choose from the three options above.

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• Are Marriage Agencies Really Necessary? Who They Are Suited For and Who They Are Not (※ Coming Soon)