1. Shinjuku Ionazun

Happiness is something that is very close by. Much closer than you think. That is why we lose sight of it. It is too close to see clearly.
It is like that thing where my first-grade daughter brings me a piece of paper saying, 'Daddy, I drew a picture, look,' but she is so overflowing with the desire for me to look closely that she brings it within millimeters of my eyeballs. It is too close to see anything at all, and the terror of something suddenly approaching my eyeballs is indescribable. It is cute, but I really wish she would stop.
I feel like I chose the wrong analogy from the start.
No, no. That is not what I mean by physical distance. It is more like, for example, when you catch a cold, you realize how happy your healthy daily life was, which you usually took for granted.
Every time that happens, I finally realize, 'Oh, I was living a happy life.' And as we return to our daily routines, we easily forget it all over again.

What I am about to record is,
a happy life, the pain of loss, and the afterimages of a bygone youth.

＊

The situation was dire.
I was on a train heading to Shinjuku Station, having taken the Sobu Line from Chiba Station and transferred to the Toei Shinjuku Line at Bakurocho Station. I felt irritated at the other passengers who were being rocked by the train with carefree expressions. 'You don't know how I feel...' That feeling, bordering on misplaced resentment, knew no bounds. And beyond that, I was enduring a much more serious, agonizing pain that felt like it was about to burst out at any moment.

People call it 'the urge to go'.

I received an email from the girl I had just been with (who would later become my wife). It contained a message along with a worried emoticon asking, 'Is your stomach okay?' It is not okay. It is not okay at all. I know the cause. It was the super spicy tantanmen I had for dinner. Even though it was so spicy and delicious. Even though it was such a happy moment. This cannot be happening. It is too cruel. It is no exaggeration to say I was deceived. If I diverted the energy to reply, a demon would be summoned right now. If that happened, the train car would descend into chaos. How did it come to this? Was it a mistake to be born into this world? No, it was a mistake to eat that super spicy tantanmen.
I debated getting off at a stop along the way, but due to my transfer to the Keio Line, if I missed this train, I wouldn't be able to get home. I wanted to avoid that since I had work tomorrow. All I could do now was try my best to distract my thoughts from the urge until I arrived in Shinjuku.
That is it, world peace. Let's think about world peace. It would be super great if the world were at peace, right? Peace is the best, after all. Wait? Peace? Pee-ce? Ah, no, no. A moment of carelessness will lead to social death. I must not associate with that direction. Start over. World peace or whatever doesn't matter. That can wait.
The train. I must synchronize my breathing with the swaying of the train. I must become one with it. Please, just for now, no accidents, door malfunctions, or sudden illnesses. Just keep running on time... running? Ah. Just now, for a second, a little, no, it is nothing. Really. When it is all over, I will, um, check on it...

While I was doing this, the train finally arrived at Shinjuku. Even to an outsider, I must have looked like I was gasping for air as I managed to get off the train, and while taking small, small steps, I headed toward the restroom at the maximum speed I could muster. My limit had long since passed.
The men's restroom I finally reached had a fair number of people, but the stall at the very end was open. Jackpot. I dove into the stall at 5 centimeters per second, the speed at which cherry blossom petals fall.

I locked it from the inside and quickly, yet as carefully as humanly possible, pulled down my pants and underwear at the same time. This is the crucial part. Amateurs fail here. This is the biggest pitfall. You cannot let your guard down until the very last moment. What is the point of having an anal sphincter if it doesn't perform here? If I mess up, a 'Sakuradamon Incident' will break out. It is okay, just a little more. Believe until the end. I made it through. I am a hero who has overcome numerous hardships. I must have been born for this very moment. I slowly lowered myself onto the toilet seat and relaxed.

An explosion echoed through the men's restroom at Shinjuku Station.

It was no exaggeration to say that a 'BANG!!' sound rang out.
Even though I was the one who caused it,
'Huh? A gunshot?'
It was such a distinct 'BANG!!' that I couldn't help but mistake it. If I had to name it, it was the birth of the universe. The Big Bang. Creating something from nothing. It is the beginning of everything. It starts here.
The air in the originally quiet restroom stopped for a moment, and immediately after, someone outside the door chuckled. Perhaps the laughter was contagious, as a bit of laughter broke out inside the men's restroom. The grim atmosphere was transformed into something bright and soft by the achievement of me, the hero.
Ah, I see. World peace was here. It was here all along.
Thinking that from the bottom of my heart—

The hero blushed deeply.